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The Power of Acceptance

dopaminedump

dopaminedump

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 20, 2012
Messages
76
Knowing a parent loves you but never hearing it is never the same thing.
My father raised me the best he knew how and he expressed his love for me through basbeall.
He taught me right from wrong and everything he did for me was out of love.
Baseball was our only relationship, it was more coach player than father son relationship.
He expected only the best out of my performance on the diamond.
I was a geat player and he loved me for it when I would suceed and tell me he was proud of me.
As i got older the pressure built to where I would perform poorly which made him unhappy.
After every bad tournament I felt like a failure, and when I failed my parents would fight.
I had the pressure of the family happiness on my shoulders since I was 13.
I just wanted him to be proud of me and love me for who I am but it would never happen if I played bad.
Nine years later I still never feel the acceptance that I deserve. I feel like I let everyone down and I turn to binge eating and drugs to fill the empty hole inside me. Doing drugs and eating bad is my decision not his.I don't blame him for anything I do. Life is hard to enjoy b/c I know I'm just going to let everyone down eventually so I push myself away from people who care about me. I suffer from many emotional problems because I've never felt like I've truly made anyone proud.

This is more of a blog than a thread letting everyone know the power of simply saying I love you and Im proud of you to the people you care about. It goes a long way.
 
This is one of, if not the, greatest challenge in this life; accepting that which is different from you, and accepting more then you know to be true.

The proof of the power of acceptance comes with time, yes, it does go a long way, as you had expressed dopaminedump.

But then...can you set the example of acceptance for those who have not accepted you?
 
OP, I raised two boys and my older son played sports. I saw so many father/son relationships like the one you describe and it always made me so sad from the outside. I think you are very perceptive about it--especially when you said that you carried your family's happiness on your shoulders. I feel sorry for your Dad as he is probably unaware of how his tunnel vision (relating to you through sports only) and his warped sense of what was important (winning=pride/losing=disappointment) actually did to your emotional life. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to try to forgive your parents their mistakes. (maybe this is how his father raised him and therefore his model?)

What is your relationship like now?

I agree with you 100% that saying you love someone with absolutely no reasons attached is the greatest gift. I sometimes believe that since that was the absolute last thing that my son and I said to each other before he died has made it easier for me than for my husband. There is no second chance for those words to be spoken sometimes.<3
 
i promise you that (while you couldnt as a child, and for that i am truly sorry, but i can relate more than you know) that you can learn to accept yourself with or without your fathers acceptance as an adult. one thing that can most certainly help, is to use your experience to help others in a similar situation in any capacity. through giving others comfort and acceptance that they dont have, you will feel that your situation (however shitty) added up to an important person, which can help you slowly learn to love and accept yourself. i wish you nothing but the best <3 i really can relate more than you realize. if you want to talk more deeply about my or your situation, feel free to HMU, but i very much understand if you dont want to discuss it with a stranger ;)
 
dopaminedump, whoever you are: I love you. And I am proud of you.

I love you because you suffer as I do, because you are human.
I am proud of you for lending voice to your pain.

As others here and IRL will help you, your story can be a force for good too in the lives of others.

In my experience, we win by surrendering to life as it is, and by giving to it what we can.

I am not religious, but the prayer of St. Francis moves me to tears whenever I pray it.

I quote it here for you. Please know you are a gift to those who love you, and to those who don't.

St. Francis prayer:
Lord, make me a channel of thy peace, that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying (unto self) that one awakens to Eternal Life.
 
I haven't responded recently to this post because it is very personal to me and I was afraid to see what people had to say. Now that I finally had the courage to look I am greatful for everyone that understands and those who can also relate.

My relationship with my Father continues to build as I grow older. It has changed to a dad/ friend relationship. The biggest challenge I've ever faced is self image. Who am I. If you watched 30 f0r 30 on todd marinovich. . . thats the way I was raised and how I've dealt with life. No where near as intense and I didn't have the god give talent. But baseball was life. I have forgiven my dad b/c I finally realized it was out of love not hate.

I've recently changed my major to psychology b/c its my passion. That is my first step. I'm currently going to counseling to work out expectation issues. Like if someone close to me expects me to be perfect I fold under pressure. I turned to alcohol at 16, coke/vicodin at 20 and binge eating. I blame no one for my faults. I've had thoughts (not serious) about what it would be like if I didn't exsist. Kind of like the episode of family guy where stewie and Brian are locked in a vault. . .That was a year ago, now what keeps me going is I know this will work out. I will overcome addiction and mental illness. I'm doing better but still have a long journey. Thanks you again for all of the support.
 
Others have done a better job of answering your OP than I probably can, but there is one thing I wanted to add:

You are enough. You always were and always will be.
 
dopaminedump said:
Knowing a parent loves you but never hearing it is never the same thing.
Click to expand...

^QFT
Thank you for posting this, OP. I think there are a lot of people who have a similar kind of hurt they carry.

I never heard many positive things from my parents and after I was 14, I never saw them for more than a couple days and they didn't directly participate in my daily life. When they both died in the mid-90s, I'd not heard from either one for years.

I never wanted my son to feel the way I did as a kid so I told him every day that I love him and and am proud of him. He's grown now, we don't speak every day, and I am very concerned about some of his choices over the past couple years. So it's even more important now for him to hear that I love him and am proud of him; it's unconditional and I cannot understand those people whose love for their own children is dependent on conditions.

I'm so sorry, OP. best of luck to you.
-izzy
 
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