Man, I'm full of hope right now. I'm excited for this chance I'm being given. This chance to become the person I was meant to be. I already feel a sense of freedom from this 'life' I've been existing in.
I still use daily but not the amounts I'm accustomed to. I'm poor so I'm lucky to be able to get enough of 'this or that' to get through the day without going nuts from thinking and feeling.
I smoked weed today and slammed a bag of dope. It was good shit and I have a low tolerance so yay for me
Yesterday I shot a bag of coke (half gram), drank some beer and smoked weed.
Monday I shot 3 bags of coke (a gram and a half)
I'm on day 11 or 12 of being paxil free. I'm feeling minimal physical symptoms. On occasion I get those electric pulses in my limbs but the worst part of that is over.
I feel like true freedom is right around the corner and that once I get this ball rolling I can do ANYTHING.
I will have confidence again (not that cocky, self-centered confidence I had when I was clean before)
I can work a REAL job again. One with benefits, 401k and vacation time
I can be a decent, QUALITY mate to a woman. I'll have something to offer because I'll be me again with a more realistic viewpoint
I can move back to Colorado! I had abandoned that goal before because the woman I love would NEVER move so far away from family. She was more important to me than Colorado
I can start lifting again
I can write poetry and short stories
I'll be able to smile the kind of smile that comes from the eyes
I can help others!
I can get out and DO things as opposed to speeding home to that fuckin' spoon
I'd like to fall in love again and have that person love me to the same extent as I will love her
I can get married
I'll be able to look people in the eye
There is sooooo much this new freedom will grant me. Its kind of like opening a present and finding a new life filled with self-acceptance and barren of shame
I can stop being this 38 year old boy and FINALLY become a man.
I'm disappointed in my ex but I understand her reasoning. I saw what I wanted to see in our relationship. I didn't see the reality. I'm embarrassed that she may have stayed with me out of fear that if she left I would use more. I hope this isn't the case. That would be a HORRIBLE feeling to be trapped in a relationship for fear of being responsible for them falling further into darkness. I'll never know because my memory of events together are faded already
I can't wait to see who I become and what I can do of value to help reduce pain in others' lives
Not too much longer now. Its ALMOST time to get started on this!
I just need to remind myself that this very well could be the hardest thing I've ever done or attempted to do
If done properly, the possibilities will be countless
I still use daily but not the amounts I'm accustomed to. I'm poor so I'm lucky to be able to get enough of 'this or that' to get through the day without going nuts from thinking and feeling.
I smoked weed today and slammed a bag of dope. It was good shit and I have a low tolerance so yay for me
Yesterday I shot a bag of coke (half gram), drank some beer and smoked weed.
Monday I shot 3 bags of coke (a gram and a half)
I'm on day 11 or 12 of being paxil free. I'm feeling minimal physical symptoms. On occasion I get those electric pulses in my limbs but the worst part of that is over.
I feel like true freedom is right around the corner and that once I get this ball rolling I can do ANYTHING.
I will have confidence again (not that cocky, self-centered confidence I had when I was clean before)
I can work a REAL job again. One with benefits, 401k and vacation time
I can be a decent, QUALITY mate to a woman. I'll have something to offer because I'll be me again with a more realistic viewpoint
I can move back to Colorado! I had abandoned that goal before because the woman I love would NEVER move so far away from family. She was more important to me than Colorado
I can start lifting again
I can write poetry and short stories
I'll be able to smile the kind of smile that comes from the eyes
I can help others!
I can get out and DO things as opposed to speeding home to that fuckin' spoon
I'd like to fall in love again and have that person love me to the same extent as I will love her
I can get married
I'll be able to look people in the eye
There is sooooo much this new freedom will grant me. Its kind of like opening a present and finding a new life filled with self-acceptance and barren of shame
I can stop being this 38 year old boy and FINALLY become a man.
I'm disappointed in my ex but I understand her reasoning. I saw what I wanted to see in our relationship. I didn't see the reality. I'm embarrassed that she may have stayed with me out of fear that if she left I would use more. I hope this isn't the case. That would be a HORRIBLE feeling to be trapped in a relationship for fear of being responsible for them falling further into darkness. I'll never know because my memory of events together are faded already
I can't wait to see who I become and what I can do of value to help reduce pain in others' lives
Not too much longer now. Its ALMOST time to get started on this!
I just need to remind myself that this very well could be the hardest thing I've ever done or attempted to do
If done properly, the possibilities will be countless