Raz
Bluelighter
Together we keep falling into this space.
It's happened too often to blame on drugs or alcohol or some kind of temporary insanity. What is this thing between us, this unnamed umbilical that wraps us and holds us tight but apart? Would it be love if I let it?
Of course I love you. That first night, we made that bond. You know what it's like to hold this damage inside of you. The porcelain heart that's been fractured into a million pieces, held together by the pressure of an ocean of uncried tears.
I want to hold you all night. I want to fall asleep in your arms. It's been so long since I've wanted to share a bed with someone that I'd forgotten what that feeling was like. You remind me. That need never really leaves us, does it? In the end we're all just animals huddled against the cold.
A day doesn't go by that I don't think of you. There's a small selfish smile inside of me whenever people think I'm your boyfriend.
But we can't do this forever. I can't hold this pretend relationship, a lover at arms length. I know you'll stay there until one of us is ready to change, but it's not fair. It's not fair for me to do this to you, it's not fair for me to do this to me.
I know you won't hurt me. I'm scared that I'll use you to hurt me.
And I don't have the first clue how to change that.
It's happened too often to blame on drugs or alcohol or some kind of temporary insanity. What is this thing between us, this unnamed umbilical that wraps us and holds us tight but apart? Would it be love if I let it?
Of course I love you. That first night, we made that bond. You know what it's like to hold this damage inside of you. The porcelain heart that's been fractured into a million pieces, held together by the pressure of an ocean of uncried tears.
I want to hold you all night. I want to fall asleep in your arms. It's been so long since I've wanted to share a bed with someone that I'd forgotten what that feeling was like. You remind me. That need never really leaves us, does it? In the end we're all just animals huddled against the cold.
A day doesn't go by that I don't think of you. There's a small selfish smile inside of me whenever people think I'm your boyfriend.
But we can't do this forever. I can't hold this pretend relationship, a lover at arms length. I know you'll stay there until one of us is ready to change, but it's not fair. It's not fair for me to do this to you, it's not fair for me to do this to me.
I know you won't hurt me. I'm scared that I'll use you to hurt me.
And I don't have the first clue how to change that.
