VanOccupanther
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2019
- Messages
- 83
Just going to put down some thoughts here as much as a cathartic exercise as anything else (although words of support are welcome!).
I’ve just been struggling with the usual struggles. I’m on a maintenance withdrawal using bupe and I’m down to 2mg from 8mg. It’s been a long journey (3 years nearly) although the tapering has all been in the last year. About 4 months ago I decided I was sick to death of bupe and all drugs in general and I decided to go cold turkey from 4mg, needless to say I failed having underestimated how bad it would be, in my mind I was a w/d expert and bupe was no problem! I lasted a week, but I needed to get back to work so I had to get back on the bupe to function. This experience did solidify my motivation to get off ASAP. So I’ve been tapering since then, but amazingly despite my unwavering conviction to get away from all drugs, since I’ve been below 4mg bupe I’ve started messing around with a bit of dhc and using benzos every day (to take the edge off! - bollocks). Im now facing a double taper, I've shifted from Valium to Xanax because of it’s shorter half life and I’ve got a piss test on the horizon! The worrying thing I’ve learnt, or maybe I’ve known all along, is just how one day I can be completely committed to recovery (I’m seeing a psychiatrist, doing mindfulness exercises etc) and then the next day I can be as reckless as I ever was! I’ve settled back on my bupe taper (hopefully fully commuted again, certainly I feel that way today) and I’m getting off the Xanax as quickly as possible.
I’ve just been struggling with the usual struggles. I’m on a maintenance withdrawal using bupe and I’m down to 2mg from 8mg. It’s been a long journey (3 years nearly) although the tapering has all been in the last year. About 4 months ago I decided I was sick to death of bupe and all drugs in general and I decided to go cold turkey from 4mg, needless to say I failed having underestimated how bad it would be, in my mind I was a w/d expert and bupe was no problem! I lasted a week, but I needed to get back to work so I had to get back on the bupe to function. This experience did solidify my motivation to get off ASAP. So I’ve been tapering since then, but amazingly despite my unwavering conviction to get away from all drugs, since I’ve been below 4mg bupe I’ve started messing around with a bit of dhc and using benzos every day (to take the edge off! - bollocks). Im now facing a double taper, I've shifted from Valium to Xanax because of it’s shorter half life and I’ve got a piss test on the horizon! The worrying thing I’ve learnt, or maybe I’ve known all along, is just how one day I can be completely committed to recovery (I’m seeing a psychiatrist, doing mindfulness exercises etc) and then the next day I can be as reckless as I ever was! I’ve settled back on my bupe taper (hopefully fully commuted again, certainly I feel that way today) and I’m getting off the Xanax as quickly as possible.