the pain

[Mellabopper]

pain.
do you feel it?
how much do you feel it?
is it intense?
does it burn?
pain.
i have pain.
it isn't the pain of losing a loved one.
it isn't the pain of having my heart broken.
it's not the pain of being stressed
or lonely (though sometimes i still am).
its the kind of pain that sneaks up on you.
it makes all of the other pains disappear.
and soon enough you are left with no feeling at all.
that is my pain.
apathy.
nothingness.
it's the worst kind of pain there is.
it makes you not care about things.
it makes you want to sleep all day.
it doesn't let you laugh or smile anymore.
this pain, is the pain of being empty.
and how do you fill someone
so empty
if nothing sparks interest anymore?
if everyone and everything is ignored
or pushed away?
its the pain of being bored with everything
and everything you feel turns into anger...
but even that anger passes
as the nothingness takes over.
and the pain of being alone also passes
and you think to yourself
that you don't have time for a relationship anyway.
or maybe you just tell yourself that to make yourself feel better.
but sooner or later,
that feeling passes too
and the nothingness takes over
once again.
then you become disgusted with most everyone
except for those few with whom you can laugh or open up to.
and society seems so ridiculous
people seem so superficial
how can they go on living with themselves?
and i even wonder why wonder at all
because in no time at all
it won't matter
it won't be important
because the nothingness,
the pain of apathy
will come and take me into its arms again.
what's that you say?
i didn't hear you.
oh, nevermind, it doesn't matter anyway.
1-28-01
Mellabopper

 

[allstarmaterial]

stop reading my mind

 

[Angelight]

this was awesome...

 

[Aja909]

.

 

[E-girl]

i think this is what the whole concept of "The NeverEnding Story" was. Remember The Nothing? so i empathize with you, it's one of my favorite stories.
advice? i dont really have any, i feel this same way more often than i care to. i guess its all about focusing on that "light at the end of the tunnel" or something like that. since i have no advice but would feel useless otherwise (since you've given me nothing but wise words over the years), i will leave you with this quote to ponder:
Plant impossible gardens.
Look forward to dreams. Cry during movies.
Swing as high as you can on a swingset, by moonlight.
Cultivate moods.
Do it for love. Take lots of naps.
Take moonbaths.
Giggle with children.
Listen to old people.
Drive away fear. Play with everything.
Entertain your inner child.
Build a fort with blankets.
Get wet. Hug trees. Write love letters.
SARK

 

[SexayRaverHere]

thanks!

 

[cherub]

mella darlin
I think you hit this one right on the nail, as far as feelings go, it is like it's own pain in a seperate catagory, I know i lived there and a few other places in my head for way too long.
Mella your a writter from the heart and that I have so much respect for.