iLoveYouWithaKnife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2002
- Messages
- 8,351
So this is a pretty wicked ending to the last chapter of this book. Although, so predictable from the day of your introduction. I mean, did you really think that I am as stupid as one of those dumb club sluts? I've played this game before from the opposing end, so I know when something is up or not. I just don't understand what was it about you that made me so fucking weak. I am so fucking goddamn weak right now.
The whole time in my stomach, I had this feeling. But I did nothing about it except ignore it. I wouldn't be in this situation right now if I didn't. I just couldn't bare to look at you, not even one more time. All I see time after fucking time is LIES. And you stood in front of me and looked right at me, and asked me why I didn't trust you, why I couldn't just find it in you, to trust you. And I hope you found your reason. This is why. Every little fucking thing that you have done makes me wish I never knew you. I don't think I ever met more of a deviant person that you. And I don't understand why even at this second if I saw you, I'd probably drop to your fucking feet.
But last night seeing you with her was deadly. It felt like my fucking heart dropped to my stomach and I was stabbed 1 million times. You promised to me, you swore up and down that there was nothing going on with her. That there was no attraction or anything like that. You swore to me that if you weren't with me you didn't want to be with anyone else. I don't understand how you could change your mind in just one night.
And then last night when I ask you about it, what did you tell me? That it was none of my business. And I asked you if you fucked her. And what did you say? It was none of my business.
That's a real trashy fucking thing to do. Really.
So I can't contain myself. I feel anxious. I can't sleep at night. I can't bare to think that someone else might be staring you to sleep at night. It makes me sick. It makes me sick that you could do this to me. You begged me more than once to try to make this work. I'm sorry I couldn't be blinded any longer.
Someone once told me to walk away from it a while ago. To end it now so I could get back the friend I once used to have. But, I'm glad I didn't. I don't want to be friends with you. I'm glad I got to see your selffish fucking side and I hope you saw mine, and never want to speak to me again.
You asked me why I broke up with you when you wouldn't stop hanging out with this girl. It's not that I didn't want to be with you. I just knew. I knew something like this was going to happen. And I seriously can't fucking fathom HOW, JUST HOW you can ask me why I cared when you were with her? Do you really have no fucking heart? I never let my fucking guard down, and I don't understand why I did with you.
And as for her, it sounds to me like she has alot of class. Probably just as much as you do. I remember one time.... I was once almost made 'the other girl' I almost hooked up with one kid I met who had a girlfriend that he lived with nearly 3 years. We used to go out for a few drinks and play some pool. He gave me his number and told me if I called and a girl answered to hang up. Something inside hit me hard, and I never called that number. I put myself in this poor girls shoes. Who probably was too oblivious to ever suspect a thing. Either that, or it didn't bother her to care. I just couldn't be that other girl who fucked up a relationship over nothing. I couldn't be the reason why lies were made and promises were broken. I don't understand how someone could.
I really hate myself too. I don't know why, or who I am anymore. I feel dead inside. I tried to sleep as much as I could today only so I wouldn't have to answer my self questions of dissapointment. I feel so dead inside with no direction. I can't believe I actually saw good inside you. I can't believe you'd let me leave like this. Wishing to never see you again. Because that's not you. You need to be liked by everyone. You need everyone to fall to your fucking feet. But I can't do it anymore. Even if it was one last time, I would probably never get up again. So I'm leaving before it happens. Best wishes with the other girl, and the one after that, and the other girl after her. Make sure you tell them all stories about how I was the most fucking terrible person you ever met. And make sure you tell them that I didn't feel an ounce of guilt for being a prick to you. Maybe I'll start praying and going to church, or start being really nice to people to get my good deeds in so I don't have to rot in fucking hell with you.
The whole time in my stomach, I had this feeling. But I did nothing about it except ignore it. I wouldn't be in this situation right now if I didn't. I just couldn't bare to look at you, not even one more time. All I see time after fucking time is LIES. And you stood in front of me and looked right at me, and asked me why I didn't trust you, why I couldn't just find it in you, to trust you. And I hope you found your reason. This is why. Every little fucking thing that you have done makes me wish I never knew you. I don't think I ever met more of a deviant person that you. And I don't understand why even at this second if I saw you, I'd probably drop to your fucking feet.
But last night seeing you with her was deadly. It felt like my fucking heart dropped to my stomach and I was stabbed 1 million times. You promised to me, you swore up and down that there was nothing going on with her. That there was no attraction or anything like that. You swore to me that if you weren't with me you didn't want to be with anyone else. I don't understand how you could change your mind in just one night.
And then last night when I ask you about it, what did you tell me? That it was none of my business. And I asked you if you fucked her. And what did you say? It was none of my business.
That's a real trashy fucking thing to do. Really.
So I can't contain myself. I feel anxious. I can't sleep at night. I can't bare to think that someone else might be staring you to sleep at night. It makes me sick. It makes me sick that you could do this to me. You begged me more than once to try to make this work. I'm sorry I couldn't be blinded any longer.
Someone once told me to walk away from it a while ago. To end it now so I could get back the friend I once used to have. But, I'm glad I didn't. I don't want to be friends with you. I'm glad I got to see your selffish fucking side and I hope you saw mine, and never want to speak to me again.
You asked me why I broke up with you when you wouldn't stop hanging out with this girl. It's not that I didn't want to be with you. I just knew. I knew something like this was going to happen. And I seriously can't fucking fathom HOW, JUST HOW you can ask me why I cared when you were with her? Do you really have no fucking heart? I never let my fucking guard down, and I don't understand why I did with you.
And as for her, it sounds to me like she has alot of class. Probably just as much as you do. I remember one time.... I was once almost made 'the other girl' I almost hooked up with one kid I met who had a girlfriend that he lived with nearly 3 years. We used to go out for a few drinks and play some pool. He gave me his number and told me if I called and a girl answered to hang up. Something inside hit me hard, and I never called that number. I put myself in this poor girls shoes. Who probably was too oblivious to ever suspect a thing. Either that, or it didn't bother her to care. I just couldn't be that other girl who fucked up a relationship over nothing. I couldn't be the reason why lies were made and promises were broken. I don't understand how someone could.
I really hate myself too. I don't know why, or who I am anymore. I feel dead inside. I tried to sleep as much as I could today only so I wouldn't have to answer my self questions of dissapointment. I feel so dead inside with no direction. I can't believe I actually saw good inside you. I can't believe you'd let me leave like this. Wishing to never see you again. Because that's not you. You need to be liked by everyone. You need everyone to fall to your fucking feet. But I can't do it anymore. Even if it was one last time, I would probably never get up again. So I'm leaving before it happens. Best wishes with the other girl, and the one after that, and the other girl after her. Make sure you tell them all stories about how I was the most fucking terrible person you ever met. And make sure you tell them that I didn't feel an ounce of guilt for being a prick to you. Maybe I'll start praying and going to church, or start being really nice to people to get my good deeds in so I don't have to rot in fucking hell with you.
