*turns red but grins ear to ear*
Thanks to everybody that lets me and my big mouth in.
I know that you all know how much I wish that it was my son being here and not me. I wish he were going on with his life with this community to help guide him, on his own terms, in his own way and at his own time to come to a place of balance and that I was still going on unaware of the existence of Bluelight. But that is not how it happened. Ok, so this is not what I would have ever chosen but what a gift it has been to me. Through Bluelight I have become a much better person. I have been able to regain the hope that was simply obliterated out of me the night I found my son's body. That is a huge gift and everyone here is responsible for that. I have deep friendships, a loving family, great colleagues at work and they were all supportive in ways I can never even hope to repay. But the people here on Bluelight gave me something that all those wonderful people never could--they gave me a chance to rebuild my own hopeful nature by continuing the conversation that I was in the middle of with my precious son. That is the worst thing about his death. We were right in the middle of a grand conversation about everything that matters in life and it got cut short. It wasn't an easy one. I made a lot of mistakes, said so many things I regret saying, but damn,
it was real and we loved each other enough to keep pushing past safety and going for truth. And this is what everyone here gives me every day: a chance to be real, to say the hard stuff, to hear the hard stuff, to work past my own ignorance and fear and urge others to do it for themselves.
Thank you sincerely. I appreciate you all in ways that you probably cannot imagine.
I say this a lot but I'll say it again, if I were terminally ill and someone with means said, "make a wish" it would be to have all the BLers I've come to know sat round a big dinner table and having the conversation of our lives. I'm sure a few plates would be thrown, but hey, the conversation would never be boring, fake or superficial!
