eddi spgeddi
Bluelighter
let me know if you think it could go somewhere interesting....
*************
I saw it, my own death that is. Many times over, sometimes dreaming awake and sometimes dreaming asleep. I died many ways in my minds eye, but always at my 38th birthday. Today as I blow out the 37 candles I saw it again. Only this time more real than ever, as if what I feel now I might carry for the whole year before I finally rest. Is it/will it, be a self fulfilling prophecy? Or is it, as perhaps I hope, just another fanciful dream, or perhaps it’s a wish? Let me live this next year as if it could be my last.
The first time I saw my future I shared it with a loved one, who at the time scoffed. But today she is lying in wait, ready to enjoy the fateful day I have predicted so many times. Cruel as it may appear she waits in hope that I may be right… as do I, in some pathetic and macabre manner and perhaps also because I hate so much to be wrong!
I summon a powerful breath… well at least the best my retarded lungs can muster, years of abuse by inhalation have left me gasping as I attempt to extinguish a few candles on a cake. Laughter accompanies the notion that I have more than twenty girlfriends. The brunt of my attempt to exhale with vigor leads to an embarrassing coughing fit as I ruin the festive desert provided by my mother… “Ewww the cake is ruined she squeals!” as always my mother is more concerned with herself than I. Yet the cake is served and we all relax and enjoy the rich chocolate fair. As I devour the last mouthful I recognize the intoxicating beauty of flavor and commit to the intoxicating nature of life, experience and also love.
Can I pass alone without the penultimate achievement in life that is to choose a breeding mate and procreate? Is it reasonable for me to seek selfishly the rewards that reproduction might offer, even though I am secretly convinced that I will only enjoy this notion for a few short months? I decide it is not, and mentally prepare myself for the coming year.
*************
I saw it, my own death that is. Many times over, sometimes dreaming awake and sometimes dreaming asleep. I died many ways in my minds eye, but always at my 38th birthday. Today as I blow out the 37 candles I saw it again. Only this time more real than ever, as if what I feel now I might carry for the whole year before I finally rest. Is it/will it, be a self fulfilling prophecy? Or is it, as perhaps I hope, just another fanciful dream, or perhaps it’s a wish? Let me live this next year as if it could be my last.
The first time I saw my future I shared it with a loved one, who at the time scoffed. But today she is lying in wait, ready to enjoy the fateful day I have predicted so many times. Cruel as it may appear she waits in hope that I may be right… as do I, in some pathetic and macabre manner and perhaps also because I hate so much to be wrong!
I summon a powerful breath… well at least the best my retarded lungs can muster, years of abuse by inhalation have left me gasping as I attempt to extinguish a few candles on a cake. Laughter accompanies the notion that I have more than twenty girlfriends. The brunt of my attempt to exhale with vigor leads to an embarrassing coughing fit as I ruin the festive desert provided by my mother… “Ewww the cake is ruined she squeals!” as always my mother is more concerned with herself than I. Yet the cake is served and we all relax and enjoy the rich chocolate fair. As I devour the last mouthful I recognize the intoxicating beauty of flavor and commit to the intoxicating nature of life, experience and also love.
Can I pass alone without the penultimate achievement in life that is to choose a breeding mate and procreate? Is it reasonable for me to seek selfishly the rewards that reproduction might offer, even though I am secretly convinced that I will only enjoy this notion for a few short months? I decide it is not, and mentally prepare myself for the coming year.
. I'd be interested to know what put those thoughts into the characters head in the first place and how the character will go about spending his 'remaining' time.
