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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | deficiT | paranoid android

Social The NEW "What Song Fits Your Current Mood" Thread

I'm not new here...new name...same failing game...I recently left another support board also not new on because that is what my sickness does...shuts out anyone who might expose it.

I need to grow up in simple terms but it feels hard as hell



Shazam radio classic lifts my spirit while another beer drags my mind and body ever lower hell tomorrow is a new day I know it's not a guarantee for a wayward wreck wastrel like I have polished being for one too many years but at this point hope feels better than suicidal ideation

My dreams separate me from the work the "real world" calls for and I am pretty damn sure I use to escape the weight of them or I am a born fiend either way I am hitting my knees and asking a power beyond for help tonight and if and when I arise

I cannot sit here and pretend to be Morpheus awake as on mescaline peering through the dreamlike veil of mundane existence with these tendencies all too frequently acted out on...
 
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Desperation paints these crimson skies
As the last breath of hope within us dies
We are the pulse of the eclipse now in focus
And at the edge of oblivion, the shadow grows

 
I am distraught but it's a humbling lesson I guess is the only reasonable way to see the cost of my failure which addiction will no longer play the scapegoat for as it wants to kill me soon seemingly in more ways than one as to why I don't apply effort lol born drifter maybe but they managed to talk me out of moving into the woods I wouldn't come out of them most of the time



Lol I beat myself up pretty harshly but starting to see that is the egomaniacal grandiosity at work

I tear myself down but this rapper takes it to another level of admonition

Was also listening to JamWayne on YouTube wholesome this is how I talk about myself as a busted broke joke sucker of a sick clown who can't keep a good buck around like TLC sings about scrubs well I can't seem to muster up any excuse for as what Beck says you should kill me for because I am a loser baby funny thing is you don't have to the compulsivity will, proclivity towards the deepest of the dark, the monster is winning terribly

Now I see I cant try to run show I have to let grace guide me but I revolt now it's like being on death row these symptoms are so disturbing being a succa is the least of my present concerns

I have hope I can do better I just don't think I can do that with my own beliefs very asylum worthy

Technically Radiohead's Creep is more accurate to how I feel the pain puts brakes on a road I am driving hellbound down preventing a complete tumble down an experience of physical terror and mortal fear fueled agony as the symptoms outweigh the decisions broken by out of control nonsensical addictive acts
 
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