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the need to share...

gfq

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 29, 2011
Messages
3
Dear Friend,
The time might come, when you find yourself high on MDMA or a similar substance and you are all by yourself.
You are felling the love and joy and everything is almost perfect but there is no one else for you to share the love with.
And it’s 2am and a weekday night and all your friends are asleep.
Or you just for whatever reason have no one to share this experience with.
You can’t go out, because you don’t want to accidentally hug a policeman. Or you’re afraid of strangers. Or for whatever reason you just want to stay in your flat/room/mansion/card box.
And you’re just now picking up the phone/writing an email/going on Facebook to tell your boss/ex/mum how much you love them. Even though you know they won’t get it. You might even get sacked/ridiculed/reprimanded for doing this.
Well, just don’t do it.
The drug is not forcing you to. It opens the door for the feelings of love. It might be the first time in your life you’re feeling this good. And its only natural for a human being to share this feeling, especially if it comes in a drug induced force and intensity.
But the drug is not mean. It’s not taking over you. It’s not commanding you or controlling you like a puppet. You still have your brain, your faculties, and the fact that you feel the love of the entire universe (or youniverse :-) in your heart, doesn’t stop your brain from functioning.
So plan. Before you call someone or freak out because you feel too restricted, remember what you are like in everyday live. Remember all the people in your life. Then let the feeling of love for them take over for a moment. And then imagine how you are going to express the love for them tomorrow or next time you meet them.
Because the drug would come to a waste if you didn’t learn from it. It gives you two things: a great night when you’re with friends and an opportunity to become a better human when you’re on your own.
Just remember, you don’t need to act now. It’s all right just to feel the love now. You’ll share tomorrow. Or the day after. Or whenever. There are no deadlines. There is just love.
There’s nothing you need to do right now. There’s only love and possibilities.
Try meditation. Or just imagining all the people around you and mentally sending all your love to them.
You might feel the need to occupy yourself. Try dancing - trance music is the best, and even if you don’t normally like it, give it a try now. Express the flow of universal energy/love through your movements.
Art. Draw, paint, write, construct - anything. You don’t have to be an artist. Like me, you don’t even have to be able to draw a straight line. But that doesn’t matter because there is no judgment. Just express yourself.
Write - to all humanity, to certain people, to your car - anything. There is no such thing as stupid affection. All is alive - all is energy (that’s physics by the way). All in the universe is made of energy. And love is the highest form of energy. You’re feeling the love for everything and everyone right now. Express it on paper or in a word processor. Just keep in mind that you are the lucky one right now - you can feel all this. Other people can’t and they need to find their own way to this feeling. You are able to tell how other people would react to you message of love if you sent it right now. And because you love them unconditionally, you don’t want them to suffer because of your message.
Because that could happen. If you just now called your boos and tell her how much you love her, she might not be able to cope. She wouldn’t know how. And people who don’t know how to react often stick to the easiest solution even if it’s the wrong one. Basically, you might lose your job. Or have your mum sign you up for a rehab. Or have all the people you sent the message of universal love ridicule you and call you bad things.
So be gentle.
Remember, you are the lucky one. Other people you know, might never feel what you are feeling right now.
And that’s alright.
You see, you can’t stay high forever. No one can. The drug lets you in to see how all creatures and things and all that is can live in love, peace and understanding.
And it gives you a task
When you come off it, remember what you felt when you were high. (It will come easy to you, it’s a mind changing experience.)
And then live the message that the drug delivered to you.
Be kind. Nice. Understanding. Feel love. Once you back down on planet Earth, you will feel boundaries between you and others. And that’s just as well. The word is not perfect. Everyone is carrying issues that sometimes manifest in all sort of ugly ways - hatred, greed, prejudice, you name it.
But you have the power to change it now, because you’ve felt the LOVE. You can understand everyone. You don’t need to forgive, because you don’t judge. Just approach everyone with understanding and love. Your brain will tell you how to deal with the practicalities. Your heart will guide you.
In your life, you might get betrayed, abandoned, robbed - all sorts of things. But because you’ve tasted the LOVE, you will be able to get over it. It might not be easy, but you KNOW that all is love and all is loved. That is the gift of the drug.
Remember, the drug is only a messenger. If you try to take it too often, it will get fed up with you and kick your teeth out.
Because there’s a real life. It might seem like a cold hostile place compared to the cozy embrace of the drug. But you can change that. The drug showed you love. Now show love to the world.
Right now, when you are high and there’s no one to share it with, imagine how you’re going to share this tomorrow. Maybe not by words, but by a smile and an interest in other person. And I mean everyone. Right now you would cuddle your worse enemy. So imagine what you’re gonna be like when you meet them next time. Somewhere there’s a little crack in your seemingly concrete hostility. Fill that crack with love and understanding. It takes two but as long as you’ve done your part, all is ok.
All or the people you normally don’t even notice. Shop assistants. Postmen. Imagine all the questions you can ask them that could make them feel cared about. Than pick one and chose to ask it the next time you see them. You might give them a little sense of happiness or you might just start up a lifelong friendship.
Just remember - the drug is not a blind alley. It’s a guide. It shows you the love and it expects you to apply it to your everyday life.
You’re brain will always be there to do the thinking. The drug has opened your heart. You can now listen to your feelings too.
Right now, I’m in my flat high on benzo fury (I do dislike the name). It’s Monday night and I can’t contact anyone without waking them up or upsetting them in some way.
I saw this as a problem. I started to feel all loved up and wanted to share. But I found a way. I’m writing to you.
It’s not a literary master piece. It’s incoherent and I’ve probably written shopping lists that had more artistic value.
But that’s ok. The message is there. I love you. Wherever you are, whoever you are, I love you. And maybe even that’s not exact. I feel the love. It’s not directional. I’m made of it and so are you and everything and everyone else. The universe is made of love.
As human beings we feel separate. I am me and you are you. And that’s the way the cookie crumbles. It’s not changing anytime soon.
But what you can change is your own perception of everything. And that will start a sequence of changing things. And as the movement of wings of a butterfly can cause a hurricane, you’re acting from a new point of view can change the world.
Enjoy the feeling of love and joy. Tomorrow, remember it.
You don’t have to call anyone right now. You’ll love them tomorrow and forever and they’ll feel it.
And if you feel like you really need to communicate with someone, pop me an PM. If I’m up, I’ll reply. If I’m sleeping, I’ll reply when I wake up.
Love you
gfq
 
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:)
I like this. I've had several experiences with many various substances where I found myself in what I assume is this persons predicament. Where I'm feeling the energy/love/experience and wishing I could share it. Some great advice in here underneath it all.

Enjoy your experiences GFQ! seems like you're in a pretty good place at the moment :D
 
If I was going to be alone at home, I would be tempted to save my beans for another day. Being said, I loved your post tho.
 
I love this post, and you. I'm not rolling or anything but I love you back just as hard.
 
What a great post - I have really enjoyed reading it as so much of it makes sense.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Peace, Love, Unity and Respect to you

Bear

(Please do not give email details out on the site though - this if for your safety more than anything else)
 
This will prove just how closed off a person i really am.

Even on the most etarded doses of mdma,
I still cant admit or say to someone i like them in that way.
 
You obviously know how 'loved up' people get on MDMA - when your high do you ever wonder why you don't have these feelings? Once the dancing has stopped and the music is chilled out do you never think of friends / families in a loving way? Even if you don't outwardly express it then I'm sure that the next time you meet them your 'different' towards them. Have you never met up with a friend/mate and they seem really pleased to see you (I'm not talking about hugging or shit like that) but you both just grin / smile?
 
this is so true. every time i see a friend i've rolled with, i always have a huge smile on my face that i just can't help. there is a special bond there that can never be broken. i can always notice when i'm coming up because i'll start to love anyone who walks by me for no reason. also, the days after i roll i always spend with my family because there is no love stronger, and i can always feel it greatly.
 
You obviously know how 'loved up' people get on MDMA - when your high do you ever wonder why you don't have these feelings? Once the dancing has stopped and the music is chilled out do you never think of friends / families in a loving way? Even if you don't outwardly express it then I'm sure that the next time you meet them your 'different' towards them. Have you never met up with a friend/mate and they seem really pleased to see you (I'm not talking about hugging or shit like that) but you both just grin / smile?

Oh no i definately do get these feelings Yet,
I still cant even admit any of them lol.
Think thats why i looked to boost mdmas effect, to see if the feelngs were so intense, that id then maybe be a bit less shy / awkward
But i come to the conclusion last roll i should maybe put my time into something like a job or perhaps finding a gf
dont know why, Self confidence issue i guess!
But yeah, i do get the Smacked with the smiley shovel grin when chatting away to friends whilst rolling face.
haha
 
^ Honestly mate, I have a great and close friend who sounds like you - they are normally really reserved and show very little outwards signs of emotion / friendliness or shit like that. When I first met them I though they were up their own arse as trying to get them to even smile was a fking chore! I went to several events with them and when I was bouncing off the walls, hugging people and doing the typical 'OOOh / Arrrh I love the music, the lights are amazing, this beer is the best in the world, big fish little fish cardboard box dance etc, they would be sitting down looking like wtf are you doing. With time though I started to notice the differences between them sober and high (very slight and an outsider would miss it completely). It got to the point that I almost loved it when they were in that state - sitting on a couch looking miserable at everyone jumping around. People show happiness and emotion in so many different ways -I personally love to show my emotions (high or not) and I kiss / cuddle / chat with people all the time. I know a lot of people that will stop me when out for a cuddle / hug :D
 
^ oh dont get me wrong, i dont sit down at events,
no, no

I walk around hugging and chatting to lots of people BUT i never make close mates really,
im ocd so i think if i spend too much time around the same people i drive them insane.

Also this stops me trying to get a gf lol..
Ruining me a bit, but hey ive been like this for ffing years, not sure how to change it.
 
Great post :) I've definitely written a couple emails and things I regretted the next day haha but I have better self-control now.
 
Excellent read. I've been faced with the question of how *insert drug here* changed my life, and it's a difficult question to answer. I feel as though this is an incredibly accurate description of the positive influence a drug can have on life when used appropriately.
 
darksidedsam you sound just like how i used to be. The closer someone was to me the harder it was to express how I felt to them. I found it hard to express feelings towards my best friend who i've known since I was 8.

It all started when I got into smoking weed everyday, not that i knew of course - it blinds you to the truth a lot of the time. When I first did mdma I knew what I was getting into and it was so controlled, I wasn't 'that guy' running around preaching the joys of life and love. I was just chilling out, talking to my friends, messing around and smoking. After mdma I realized how weed actually made me feel, until then I was convinced I was happy when I was high. I still smoked it for ages after. Btw i'm not preaching about the positives of quitting here, this is just how it happened for me.

I got myself a girlfriend who I had liked for half a year or so which helped a lot when it came to the things you have problems with. I didn't want to smoke weed anymore. After opening up to my girlfriend (which was extremely easy after developing a good friendship as well as sexual relationship) I have found it easy to open up to my friends and my best mate. It was only after I stopped smoking weed and looked back on myself to realize how socially anxious and paranoid I was, always worrying about what people thought of me, what they would think of me if I let them hear my opinion, always looking at the floor e.c.t. Also after I quit, a lot of emotion came back to me.
 
Well ive been using weed since september, but ive had all these emotional / personality problems for years (Probably because of my shitty childhood)

The only thing that has decresed since i use weed is a bit of my stress, and my back pain is barely noticeable, as it was often okay for most of the day, then be sore say evening time more so, but now i can use the weed to ease the pain and relax me a bit (I vapourize it, not smoke it, mainly because i dont smoke ciggs)


I have always found it difficult to open up or share any thoughts, like example say if i met someone when i was out and ive known them a couple of months and i like them in that way, im the sort of person who finds it hard to put it across, as i fear rejection Big time, i fucking hate all forms of it...

People say take it on the chin but i just cant do it, cant handle it i dont know why
 
Thank you for taking the time to right out your thoughts, I have had these conversations up all night with friends thinking and talking about love, happiness and everything you have stated, especially the need to share. It's perspectives like this that make me happy MDMA is in our world and such. PLUR :)
 
oh right so you still pretty new to weed. those are the days man. if you can control your use then you can vape that for the rest of your life. as soon as it becomes a feeling which is almost second nature is when shit goes down the pan.
 
<3 you 2 buddy ;) .. Man first time i rolled i called every number in my cell. Luckily my friends confiscated my phone everytime i wanted to call someone i REALLY shouldnt. I even called my mom xD
 
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