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The Mega-Merged "Friends With Your Ex?" thread

i always thought being friends with the ex would be so easy, so good and so normal. how can you have someone so close in your life, part of your daily routine etc. and then shut them out completely? it didn't make sense to me when i heard about couples that broke up (on a positive note) yet never spoke to them again..
when i broke up with my boyfriend things turned out much more difficult then i thought. he still liked me and definately wanted to still be friends. when we hung out he always tried to kiss me etc. and usually i would just so i didn't offend him. this totally backfired on me because i was playing 'mind games' like the 'bitch' that i am.. anyway it got to a point where he was just emotionally blackmailing me and draining me... so we decided just to stop communication for a while and then we'll see what happens in a few months down the track.

i think being friends with the ex could work.... it is a shame to lose someone that you were so close to and shared so much with... but i really think you both need time to cool off for a bit and make sure there are no emotions and feelings which are more then friendship. cos that's when it will get complicated...
 
i am friends with 4 out of 5 of my exes. I don't think you can share you feelings and your time with someone after a long period of time and not remain friends.

The one that i'm not friends with was a complete prick and treated me like absolute shit hense why i am not friends with him now

there are exceptions i reckon :p
 
I had a very similar story except the ending was different (although I easily see how it might not have been). I never went back to my ex and rejected most of her "friend" overtures. My (at the time) girlfriend knew I was still in love with my ex but hung in there and I knew I was still in love with my ex but knew my ex was wrong 4 me so I never went back (although came damn close).

Anyway, bottom line is while there were a few relapses while I was dating my girlfriend (not cheating, just platonic friendly activities), I eventually flat out just told my ex that shed always be special to me but I had to move on. I knew she was wrong 4 me and I knew my girlfriend and I would never move to the next level if I did not get my ex out of my life. I havent spoken to her in 3 years, and Im married to my girlfriend.

Anyway, that was a long ramble but I do not think you can be friendly with an ex you were in love with (although now Im totally over her and probaly could but dont want to) but you can be friendly with an ex you werent in love with.
 
My 2 cents, it may sound simple but thats the way I like things :)
It depends if you both want to get back together or not....
Or in other words.. Being friends doesn't necessarily mean you'll get back together, but if you both want to then you will.. If 1 does and the other doesn't then that could lead to bad situations and pain for all..
btw. From your short speil I get the impression you both do want to be together but are worried about getting hurt again.. Thats the chances you take... You've always got that risk involved with anyone and as they say - better the devil you know..
 
I love spending time with her but when we go home I always feel empty because she's not there. I can tell she still loves me, I definately still love her and I think we both feel like we're meant to be together, but I don't think either of us want to get back together because neither of us want to get hurt like that again. I definately don't want to back away because I really missed her when we fell out but at the same time I don't want to get hurt again.
Click to expand...

it sounds like you both need some growing up to do. Not in the sense that you two are immature, but you need to explore what is out there, waiting for you.

Relationships and friendships within two people who used to be together can be tricky, regardless of the amount of time and space you both have had.

the feelings may be strong, but you've shown yourself that you're capable of moving on. Falling back into a relationship like this so quickly shows signs of danger, at least, to me.

My advice would be to keep your distance with her in regards to matters of the heart.
 
i'm in a similar situation..
my gf and i broke up
i want to get back with her even though i know it's a bad idea right now
she doesn't want to get back because she wants more freedom but it's obvious she still has feelings for me that she doesn't have for others
i don't bring up the topic of getting back together, but it seems to always be lurking in the back of my mind, like i'm waiting for this bullshit "in between" period to be over so we can hook back up... :(

i guess i've failed at just being friends with her. we broke up, and still fooled around and made out. it was like we were still in the relationship, but kept it secret...not cool. i haven't even seen her in almost 3 weeks, which is a very very fucking long time... the longest it's ever been since i met her. i know she kissed a few other guys while she was away on vacation. i'm going to see her tomorrow... i know the wise thing to do will be to just talk like 2 good friends. but i know i'll fucking see her and have the strongest urge to start kissing her, cuz i still love the chick. in other words, it seems like the worst possible situation....

cuz with me, i can't just supress my feelings for her. we've always touched each other a lot... i can't picture myself just talking to her from a distance. brings me to tears sometimes. i don't know what the hell will happen tomorrow. i'll make another reply in here tomorrow saying what happened, if someone wants me to.
 
Cheers guys. I've got some serious thinking to do.

When I met this girl I chatted to her for 10 minutes before telling my mate that she was the girl I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Even wierder than that was the fact that she'd seen me from a distance a week before, hadn't had the guts to come up and chat to me yet told her friend that I was the guy she was going to marry a week before we even met.

The main thing was that we were best friends, inseperable and knew what the other one was thinking to the point that we'd answer questions before they were asked (and freak our mates out in the process). It's that side of it that I don't want to lose because having had it back I've realised how much I've missed it.

Aaargh, I have no idea why things have to be so complex.

Anyway, thanks for your responses.

Craig

p.s. sh0ck3r, I hope you get things sorted out in your head
 
I'm going thru a very similar sitch at the moment... and we seem not to be able to be away from each other for very long..

although the whole break up scenario was kicked off by him meeting someone when he was feeling very negative about our relationship...

I think that letting domestic issues (like housework) go on and on without being addressed had a lot to do with making us feel resentment towards each other...

all i can really say to you is that if you find someone that you love and both feel the same way, then it's worth putting in the effort to have that person who's company you enjoy more than anything else...

I'm doing my best now to undo all the wrongs I have done.. but if he isnt going to do the same.. then we will end up being JUST FRIENDs...

we'll see if that works when it comes time to start seeing other people (if that time ever comes... I hope it doesnt)

good luck with it all!!!! **hugz**
 
I dont think you can remain friends at all.

It's fuckin unbelievable pain, and salt on an open wound if you were really in love...

Best thing, Rekindle the fire. That's what I am going to have to do.
 
Friends w/ your ex?

How easy/realistic do you all think it is to stay friends with your ex? I'm currently trying to do this, but it's kind of tough at times. She just got involved with a guy who she really loves, who loves her too, and who is just a great guy from all that I've seen. I'm happy for her because this guy makes her happy, but it still seems to just bug me a little, a lot of it just in the back of my mind. I guess it's probably because we still love each other (just differently now) and I'm just protective of and worry about her, not wanting to see anyone hurt her ever. The guy doesn't at all seem as though he ever would, but it still worries me.

Are these just normal worries and concerns that you feel for someone that you did/do care about so much? I kind of think that this may be normal, sort of what it'll be like when my little sister starts dating *shudder* Anyway, what do you all think?

-Z
 
I always try to stay at least friendly with exes, but it's hard. Particularly when new love interests get started. You'll probably just have to let it go, and just enjoy the memories.
 
It's next to impossible to remain friends with your ex...the only time i've ever been able to was when we were good friends before we started dating....even then, it took a while before we could get to the point of hanging out again...
 
I have always remained friends with my exes. It gets hard once they find someone else i gotta admit, but it depends on how u still feel about them. I broke up with a guy a few years back that i still really had feelings for. He started seeing another girl, and that was really hard for so long. They got married a few months back and i didn't know if i would get thru the wedding without bawling but i knew that he really loved her and that was that! Other than that, i keep in contact with most of my exes and still are great friends to this day :) In order for this to work tho, u have to get past the feelingS u have for them and just think of them as a regular friend (ie. not friends with benefits!!)
 
I was with a guy for 7 years and we are still great friends. He was part of my life for 7 years (we broke up 4 years ago, my choice). I am happy to saythat to this day we still ring each other on birthdays and xmas, and every now and again we go for coffee and catch up!

But saying this, he is also the ONLY ex that I keep in contact with!
 
exes are tricky to deal with. i still have feelings for most the guys ive dated so its really hard to hear they have new girlfriends. its not even jealously, its something way different but hard to pin down. suprisingly im still friends with my old bfs but im not exactally close to any of them. its always nice to keep in touch, because maybe if they are not right for you right now, they might be later.
 
i have stayed friends with every ex who treated the break up respectfully or who i have ended relationships with.the one way it will never work is if it ended in betrayal,to care for someone and then turn your head and ignore hurting them is unforgivable.example--i was in love and completely devoted to a girl for 5 years and without our relationship ever having one major problem she left me for a person who was at the time my friend. now this is a person you could never turn around and be friends with regardless of how much love is involved
 
I am currently in the midst of a breakup, and we're *trying* to remain friends; although, I can feel it getting a bit harder as the days go on.

I can see her moving on, she can see me moving on...it's just not healthy to actually witness someone getting over you. It's one thing to think about it, but when they inadvertantly tell you how much fun they're having, all the people they're meeting, the things they're doing...it gets a bit difficult to cope.

I'm debating just telling her I can't see or talk to her anymore.

Maybe in the future, if we bump into eachother or something.

I guess it all just has to do with feelings and how strong you are with respect to them.

X
 
After an initial breakup it is hard to watch someone you loved and cared for moving on without you, it really does hurt.
In time though and I know that it easy to say and all, but it is so true that time heals old wounds and when you are happy within your self it is always a great feeling seeing an old flame as happy as you are.
 
I CAN NOT deal with seeing my ex. I broke up w/ him, not on the best terms but good enough. I fell for someone else while dating him and having never looked back. One of those relationships where you look back and say "what the fuck was i thinking?". just looking at him now makes me shudder, which is too bad since we were together for just under 3 years. Oh well. I'm happy now, and i just cut off all contact with him which i think is for the better.
 
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