Thoughts The Madness of Trying

[SixFree]

I feel stuck. I can’t even put words with real meaning together to explain myself. My head’s all over the place, idk tho, maybe that’s just how I am. I keep forgetting my own foundation in every situation and it’s frustrating as hell.​

“From the outside world it probably looks like dementia or autism or something.” I think to myself…

Actions feel too slow, movements are heavy and delayed. Honestly, it’s embarrassing to even try and face it sometimes.​

I want to break through this barrier, I really do. But I keep looping in my head without even noticing, losing presence, losing awareness, sinking into this dark empty inner world.​

Here’s the weird part. The “solutions” people talk about all sound like they depend on action.

Duh…

And action feels like I’d have to give something up. Like I’d have to surrender who I am right now, this crazy weird kind of “genius” that makes me me. I’d have to drop parts of my self, let go of it, and a new person can grow. And maybe that’s the truth? Maybe that’s why I’m f******** everything I come in touch?? Can’t say for certain.

It’s hard as hell to explain. Especially when words don’t cut it. And yeah, everyone already knows life is hard, so what’s the point in complaining? I’ll just try to show what’s going on in my head.​

I’ll skip the drug stuff, but let’s be real, it’s always part of the story. Always.

I don’t have energy anymore for “filler” type empty words and sentences that sound good but mean nothing. I’d rather be concise, sharp and to the point. That’s my strength.

I tell myself this, knowing very well, I can’t stop using extra bad metaphors and analogies just to describe why I think a chair is chair

So here’s me being honest. I’m a coward. Mentally unstable. With a track record that proves I can’t be relied upon. I may never hit my full potential but I’ll always manage to do something. That’s a fact. One I need to understand better than just standing proudly and “being aware.”

Sometimes it’s terrifying. Sometimes it’s amazing. Both are true. So what now?​

Do something. Anything.

Don’t sit stuck in an “I’ll wait until I feel inspired” mood.

Like what are you waiting for???? Witches to mix you a motivational cocktail spell???

Dumbass. ​

I guess what I’m trying to say is I need to stay decisive yet creative somehow??? Not overthink it, not underthink it. Just try. That’s all.

Obviously on a TYPE SHIT lvl

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Make a conscious decision to something and do it. Choose something meaningful, a task or a chore you routinely can follow through day after day.
This will build a foundation for future endeavors for successful applications.
Every great journey begins with a single step.