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THE LETTER FROM YOUR ADDICTION

C

calisnowgrl

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 17, 2002
Messages
2
Location
cali
DEAR FRIEND,
I'VE COME TO VISI ONCE AGAIN. I LOVE TO SEE YOU SUFFER MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, SPIRITUALLY, AND SOCIALLY. I WANT TO MAKE YOU RESTLESS SO YOU CAN NEVER RELAX. I WANT YOU JUMPY AND NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS. I WANT TO MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. I WANT YOU TO BE CONFUSED AND DEPRESSED SO THAT YOU CANE NEVER THINK CLEARLY AND POSITIVELY. I WANT TO MAKE YOU HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY -- ESPECIALLY YOURSELF. I WANT YOU TO FEEL GUILTY AND REMORSEFUL FOR ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE DONE IN THE PAST AND YOU'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LET GO OF. I WANT TO MAKE YOU ANGRY AND HATEFUL TOWARD THE WORLF FOR THE WAY IT IS AND THE WAY YOU ARE. I WANT YOU TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND BLAME EVERYTHING BUT ME FOR THE WAY THINGS ARE. I WANT YOU TO FEEL DECEITFUL AND UNTRUSTWORTHY, ANDTO MANIPULATE AND CON AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE. I WANT TO MAKE YOU FEARFUL AND PARANOID FOR NO REASON AT ALL. I WANT YOU TO WAKE UP DURING ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT SCREAMING FOR ME. YU KNOW YOU CAN'T SLEEP WITH OUT ME ; I'M EVEN IN YOUR DREAMS.
I WANT TO BE THE FIRST THING YOU THINK ABOUT EVERY MORNIG AND THE LAST THING YOU THINK ABOUT BEFOR YOU BLACK OUT. I WOULD RATHER KILL YOU, BUT I'LL BE HAPPY ENOUGH TO PUT YOU BACK IN THE HOSPITAL, ANOTHER INSTITUTION, OR JAIL. BUT YOU KNOW I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET OUT. I LOE TO WATCH YOU SLOWLY GOING INSANE. I LOVE TO SEE ALL THE PHYSICAL DAMAGE THAT I'V CAUSING YOU. I CAN'T HELP BUT SNEER AND CHUCKLE WHEN YOU SHIVER AND SHAKE, WHEN YOU FREEZE AND SWEAT AT ALL THE SAME TIME, AND WHEN YOU WAKE UP WITH YOUR SHEETS AND BLANKETS SOAKING WET.
IT'S AMUSING TO WATCH YOU IGNOR YOURSELF: NOT EATING, NOT SLEEPING, EVEN YOUR PERSONAL HYGIEN. YES, IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH DESTRUCTION I CAN BE TO YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS WHILE AT THE SAME TIME WORK ON YOUR BRAIN, DESTROYING IT BIT BY BIT. I DEEPLY APPRECIATE HOW MUCH YOU SACRIFICE FOR ME.
THE COUNTLESS GOOD JOB YOU'VE SACRIFICED FOR ME ALL THE GOOD FRIENDS THAT YOU DEEPLY CARED FOR -- YOU GAVE UP FOR ME. AND WHAT'S MORE, TH ONES YOU TURNED AGAINST YOURSELF BECAUSE OF YOUR INEXCUSABLE ACTIONS -- I'M EVEN MORE GRATEFUL.
AND ESPECIALLY -- YOUR LOVED ONES -- YOUR FAMILY, THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD TO YOU -- YOU EVEN THREW THEM AWAY FOR ME. I CANNOT EXPRESS IN WORDS THE GRATITUDE I HAVE FOR THE LOYALTY YOU HAVE FOR ME. YOU SACRIFICED ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN LIFE TO DEVOTE YOURSELF COMPLETELY TO ME. BUT DO NOT DESPAIR, MY FRIEND, FOR ON ME YOU CAN ALWAYS DEPEND. FOR AFTER YOU HAVE LOST ALL THESE THINGS, YOU CAN STILL DEPEND ON ME TO TAKE EVEN MORE: YOU CAN DEPEND ON ME TO KEEP YOU IN A LIVING HELL, TO KEEP YOU MIND, BODY, AND SOUL -- FOR I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU AREDEAD, MY FRIEND
FOREVER YOURS,
YOUR ADDICTION
A FRIEND GAVE THIS TO ME THE DAY I WENT INTO REHAB. I THOUGHT IT WAS SO TRUE THAT I WOULD LET EVERYONE READ IT. I HOPE IT WILL HELP SOMEONE.
 
i think it would have been easier on the eyes if it were not all in caps, but that's just me ;)
on a more serious note, it holds a lot of truth. it seems like people who take drugs have this way of defending them -- like telling you all the positive aspects of them (i.e. opening your mind, making you more open and sensitive, letting you experience all these emotions, etc.) but people never really want to come out and admit how bad they can sometimes be... basically everything you described here, or at least bits and pieces. maybe i'm just speaking from a personal point of view, but if i were to say how i *really* felt sometime, this would be it.
maybe that's why i dont do anything anymore. or maybe its just that i've had my share of experiences. but i think this really might be helpful to someone open-minded. :)
 
very dark, disturbing, haunting, and yet TRUE!
curse you for writing this! (and mean that in the most positive way)
this was a bit too real and thus somewhat uncomfortable to read if you're not prepared for it. i actually thought the caps gave it a more direct feel.
anyway, good luck, i unnowhatosayanymore
peace
 
i gotta agree with e girl, if it werent in caps it would be a much better read. but caps aside there was TOO MUCH truth in this to not commend you for posting it. too many times have i felt what this poems exudes, mostly, the helplessness of addiction. thank you for posting this.
[ 20 February 2003: Message edited by: MisterPoetry ]
 
My Dear Addiction,
You've come to visit me again? I've known you so long, it seems like we're old friends. Come on in and pull up a chair. Yes my love, I remember you well. We have a past together you and I. So many years how you laughed when I cried. But when it came right down to it, I wouldn't give you up. Although basically destructive in nature, what would I have had if not for you but a big giant hole?
It's been 18 years since you walked into my life. I sit across from you and see you for who you really are. Nothing more. Nothing less. Even though I put myself through hell because of you, if I had it to do over again I wouldn't change a thing. You see, the way I look at it is you were a very necessary, painful teacher.
It's because of you that I have learned some very hard, painful, yet theraputic lessons I'd never have been able to learn any other way. You opened my eyes to things good and bad. You are a silver lining I've slowly come to see after a long, seemingly endless fog. From you I learned humility. From you I learned to never be afraid to ask for strength from God. From you I have learned to be more patient and tolerant of others and myself.
When I fail, I at least know I tried. So my friend, what can I say? Do I blame you for my problems? Do I blame others, or myself, or God? No way. I invited you into my life, so you appeared. Because you will always be with me, you will serve to remind me to be vigilant. You will remind me that I am human. No more. No less. Because of you, I have will not make some of the same mistakes from the past. You are who you are. You're a curse. Your're my shining star.
So my addiction I want to thank you for the good times and the bad. I hold no grudges for the times you made me sad. You helped me learn so much and you will be a reminder that I must continue to grow. My enemy has been one of the best teachers I have ever had. You brought me closer to God. For that I am glad.
 
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