Was that the World's worst xmas cracker jokes?
I can go lower.
What’s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley
What’s green and camps?
A boy sprout
What do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny
What do you call a teacher floating in the sea?
Bob
What dinosaur lives on the sea bed?
Tyrannosaurus Wreck
How do fleas travel from place to place?
By itch hiking
How do you get a dinosaur into a matchbox?
Take out the matches first
Why did the blind chicken cross the road?
To get to the birds eye shop
What did the monster say when he saw Santa Claus?
Yum Yum
Why do birds fly south in winter?
Because it s too far to walk
How do hens dance?
Chick to chick
What is Dracula’s favourite fruit?
Blood oranges
What do you get if you cross a galaxy with a toad?
Star Warts
What’s a cannibals favourite game?
Swallow my leader
On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
On the outside
How does a witch tell the time?
With her witch-watch
Where does Dracula keep his savings?
In the blood bank
What’s the best thing to give a seasick elephant?
Plenty of room
Waiter, waiter! There s a dead spider in this soup
Yes sir - it s the heat that kills them
How does an elephant get out of a tree?
It sits on a leaf and waits till autumn
How do you get 4 elephants in a car?
2 in the front and 2 in the back
What has 2 heads, 3 hands, 2 noses and 5 feet?
A monster with spare parts
Why do elephants wear sunglasses?
So no-one recognises them
What airline do vampires travel on?
British Scareways
What do you give a monster with big feet?
Plenty of room
What has 8 feet and sings?
The school quartet
How can you tell if there’s been an elephant in the fridge?
It leaves footprints in the butter
What’s black and has 8 wheels?
A witch on roller skates
When auntie has a sore throat what should she do?
Take auntie-septic
What’s your Dad getting for Christmas?
Fat and bald
What’s yellow and has 24 legs and sings?
12 canaries
How did the idiot break his leg?
He fell in the sink while he was tap dancing
What do you call 2 witches who share a room?
Broom mates
Why did the farmer drive a steam roller over his field?
He wanted to grow mashed potatoes
Why did the burglar take a shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway
Who do vampires fall in love with?
The girl necks door
Why did the football manager flood the pitch?
He wanted to bring on a sub
What’s yellow and goes click click?
A ballpoint banana
What has 4 eyes and a mouth?
The Mississippi
What did one raindrop say to the other?
Two’s company three’s a cloud
Who’s the biggest gangster in the sea?
Al Caprawn
What does Luke Skywalker shave with?
A laser blade
What’s yellow and goes splutter, splutter, splutter ?
A lemon running out of juice
What do ants take when they are ill?
Antibiotics
What’s green on the outside and yellow on the inside?
A banana disguised as a cucumber
What swings through trees and is very dangerous?
A chimpanzee with a machine gun
What did the elephant say to the orange?
Lets play squash
What’s yellow and always points north?
A magnetic banana
Why did the jelly wobble?
Because it saw the milk shake
Why was the snake late home from school?
Because he hissed the bus.
What has 6 legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A snooker table
Why do schools have ponds?
So dinner ladies can make toad in the hole
What bird always succeeds?
A budgie with no teeth
Why do leopards never escape from the zoo?
Because they are always spotted
What’s a porcupine s favourite food?
Prickled onions
Doctor, Doctor I can’t see very well!
You’re right - this is the bakery
Doctor - I need you to help me out
Certainly - which way did you come in?
Doctor - I think I’m a bee!
Go on buzz off!
What outlaw lives at the bottom of the sea?
Billy the squid
What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
A duck-filled-fattypuss
How did the idiot break his leg?
He fell in the sink while he was tap dancing
Why did the football manager flood the pitch?
He wanted to bring on a sub
What’s yellow and goes splutter, splutter, splutter ?
A lemon running out of juice
What’s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley
What’s green and camps?
A boy sprout
What do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny
What do you call a teacher floating in the sea?
Bob
What dinosaur lives on the sea bed?
Tyrannosaurus Wreck
How do fleas travel from place to place?
By itch hiking
How do you get a dinosaur into a matchbox?
Take out the matches first
Why did the blind chicken cross the road?
To get to the birds eye shop
What did the monster say when he saw Santa Claus?
Yum Yum
Why do birds fly south in winter?
Because it s too far to walk
How do hens dance?
Chick to chick
What is Dracula’s favourite fruit?
Blood oranges
What do you get if you cross a galaxy with a toad?
Star Warts
What’s a cannibals favourite game?
Swallow my leader
On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
On the outside
How does a witch tell the time?
With her witch-watch
Where does Dracula keep his savings?
In the blood bank
What’s the best thing to give a seasick elephant?
Plenty of room
Waiter, waiter! There s a dead spider in this soup
Yes sir - it s the heat that kills them
How does an elephant get out of a tree?
It sits on a leaf and waits till autumn
How do you get 4 elephants in a car?
2 in the front and 2 in the back
What has 2 heads, 3 hands, 2 noses and 5 feet?
A monster with spare parts
Why do elephants wear sunglasses?
So no-one recognises them
What airline do vampires travel on?
British Scareways
What do you give a monster with big feet?
Plenty of room
What has 8 feet and sings?
The school quartet
How can you tell if there’s been an elephant in the fridge?
It leaves footprints in the butter
What’s black and has 8 wheels?
A witch on roller skates
When auntie has a sore throat what should she do?
Take auntie-septic
What’s your Dad getting for Christmas?
Fat and bald
What’s yellow and has 24 legs and sings?
12 canaries
How did the idiot break his leg?
He fell in the sink while he was tap dancing
What do you call 2 witches who share a room?
Broom mates
Why did the farmer drive a steam roller over his field?
He wanted to grow mashed potatoes
Why did the burglar take a shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway
Who do vampires fall in love with?
The girl necks door
Why did the football manager flood the pitch?
He wanted to bring on a sub
What’s yellow and goes click click?
A ballpoint banana
What has 4 eyes and a mouth?
The Mississippi
What did one raindrop say to the other?
Two’s company three’s a cloud
Who’s the biggest gangster in the sea?
Al Caprawn
What does Luke Skywalker shave with?
A laser blade
What’s yellow and goes splutter, splutter, splutter ?
A lemon running out of juice
What do ants take when they are ill?
Antibiotics
What’s green on the outside and yellow on the inside?
A banana disguised as a cucumber
What swings through trees and is very dangerous?
A chimpanzee with a machine gun
What did the elephant say to the orange?
Lets play squash
What’s yellow and always points north?
A magnetic banana
Why did the jelly wobble?
Because it saw the milk shake
Why was the snake late home from school?
Because he hissed the bus.
What has 6 legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A snooker table
Why do schools have ponds?
So dinner ladies can make toad in the hole
What bird always succeeds?
A budgie with no teeth
Why do leopards never escape from the zoo?
Because they are always spotted
What’s a porcupine s favourite food?
Prickled onions
Doctor, Doctor I can’t see very well!
You’re right - this is the bakery
Doctor - I need you to help me out
Certainly - which way did you come in?
Doctor - I think I’m a bee!
Go on buzz off!
What outlaw lives at the bottom of the sea?
Billy the squid
What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
A duck-filled-fattypuss
How did the idiot break his leg?
He fell in the sink while he was tap dancing
Why did the football manager flood the pitch?
He wanted to bring on a sub
What’s yellow and goes splutter, splutter, splutter ?
A lemon running out of juice
What’s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley
What’s green and camps?
A boy sprout
What do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny
What do you call a teacher floating in the sea?
Bob
What dinosaur lives on the sea bed?
Tyrannosaurus Wreck
How do fleas travel from place to place?
By itch hiking
How do you get a dinosaur into a matchbox?
Take out the matches first
Why did the blind chicken cross the road?
To get to the birds eye shop
What did the monster say when he saw Santa Claus?
Yum Yum
Why do birds fly south in winter?
Because it s too far to walk
How do hens dance?
Chick to chick
What is Dracula’s favourite fruit?
Blood oranges
What do you get if you cross a galaxy with a toad?
Star Warts
What’s a cannibals favourite game?
Swallow my leader
On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
On the outside
How does a witch tell the time?
With her witch-watch
Where does Dracula keep his savings?
In the blood bank
What’s the best thing to give a seasick elephant?
Plenty of room
Waiter, waiter! There s a dead spider in this soup
Yes sir - it s the heat that kills them
How does an elephant get out of a tree?
It sits on a leaf and waits till autumn
How do you get 4 elephants in a car?
2 in the front and 2 in the back
What’s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley
What’s green and camps?
A boy sprout
What do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
Bugs Bunny
What do you call a teacher floating in the sea?
Bob
What dinosaur lives on the sea bed?
Tyrannosaurus Wreck
How do fleas travel from place to place?
By itch hiking
How do you get a dinosaur into a matchbox?
Take out the matches first
