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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

The Joke Thread

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One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake,
the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, ( thinking , 'Isn't that obvious ? ')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book,' she replies ,


'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'


'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault ,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
 
A man goes to a 24 hour garage late at night and says to the girl at the window "can I have a kitkat chunky?"

The girl walks off and returns with a kitkat chunky.

"No" says the man, "I wanted a normal kitkat you fat cunt."
 
^ye can see it comin but it still a funny,
i cracked up with some of those on the list i posted,i cant believe we are the only folks that read them,i was in bits ,but my snigger bone was set pretty high with some quality bud;)
 
fridays funny joke thread

it seems the other joke thread is for crap jokes and i`m finding these high quality arf material,-dont delete mod chaps,methinks some folks are in need of some cheer,
what do you think of em ,its friday
for fecks sake;)
a tenner to anyone who doesna laugh at at least one;)

Something to bring a smile for the weekend !!if you are in need of a laugh...if you dont laugh out loud at some of these ,theres seriously something wrong with yas



Boy comes home and tells his parents he has just had sex for he first time, the proud Dad says 'I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have to wait until next pay day' boy says 'that's alright Dad, my arse is too sore to ride it anyway'



Bloke shagging his girlfriend says' Bend over we'll try the social security position'
'What the hell is that ?' she says.
'When my balls touch your arse you're getting the full benefit'



Had my first Gig as a stand up comedian at an old people's home last night. They didn't get any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves.


What is the medical term for the fatty tissue surrounding the clitoris? .
The wife!

Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, ' How dare you call me a slapper, get out of my bed right now and take your fucking mates with you'



I was at Tesco this afternoon, when a lady dropped dead in front of me,
I felt really sorry for her - she had just bought a Bag for Life.


I'm quite worried what the kids are up to lately. Today I saw a small girl imitating the doggy position with her Barbie and Ken dolls.
I said ' you will have baby dolls if you do that.'
She said 'It's OK he's doing it up her arse'


McVities have honoured Lewis Hamilton by putting a picture of him and his F1 car on their new range of chocolate biscuits.
'Wogon Wheels' will be on sale soon in all well known supermarkets.


Teacher says to little Tommy 'Why weren't you at school yesterday?'
Tommy says 'My grandfather got burnt.'
Teacher says 'Badly?'
Little Tommy says ' Yes, they don't fuck about at the crematorium . '


A friend of mine says he is shagging twins.
I said ' How can you tell the difference?'
He said ' Her brother has got a moustache ?


A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted 'He's behind you !



hahhahhaha brilliant
 
1. we have a jokes thread

2. we have a friday thread

3. why delete when you can just merge :D

4. what's next? the 'tuesday afternoon mephedrone and insults thread'? ;)
 
what do you call a potato with a penis?
a dictator.


a lonely countryman decides to take his prize shagging sheep back up to the farmhouse so he doesn't have to come out in the cold for a tickle.

gets the sheep upstairs, opens the door to his room, his wife is laying there.
"oh, guess i should explain myself" the farmer says "this is the pig i have to fuck every night"
"thats not a pig" his wife responds
"who says i was talkin to you!"
 
felix said:
1. we have a jokes thread

2. we have a friday thread

3. why delete when you can just merge :D

4. what's next? the 'tuesday afternoon mephedrone and insults thread'? ;)
Click to expand...

aye felix,i got the impression that was a crap joke thread as it says on the popup post your worst jokes here,ans seeing as ye mods can be pretty fussy(hormones n stuff i suppose;)) i made a good jokes one,as rules are rules as they say:\

,and these are obviously quality jokes min,;)

and as for yer whats next ,na its mdpv on a fridaY ya cant:p
still trying to figure out the dose tho,asked a question ages ago and forgot to check,i`ll do it now felix,you just reminded me=D
and dont forget about me being a newbie almost i still dont know the ins and outs ye now min,ye slains castle monkey ;)

and i still think there should be a funny joke thread:D
no offence ya chump;)
 
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I actually always tell that joke to people, after reading it on here. I'm glad you've made a post I agree with!
 
chrisdahl said:
That's my one and only joke, but it always gets a laugh because it's so rubbish.
Click to expand...

thats a classic joke one of my all time faves,

another is better spoken than read,and deserves to be in the crap jokes thread,

what do you call a fish without an eye-- a fssshhh
 
Where do the police men live? Lesby Avenue

What did the police man say to his stomach? You're under a vest

What did the policeman do to the sponge cake? Took it down in custardy
 
I can only think of kinda rubbish semi-jokes which have made me chuckle of late :D

A man steps off the plane in New Zealand, surveying the sun-soaked tarmac around him n asks the nearest airport worker "what time do I set my watch back to here?"

"20 years mate!" came the reply.


(this one is true) Someone my dad knows vaguely in Liverpool said to him; "Liverpool being made the capital city of culture definitely has made a difference! When they nick the wheels off your car now, you find it propped up with books, not bricks..." =D :D
 
Bahaha, the scousers at work are getting that one next week :D

Paddy rings for a takeaway pizza, orders a 12" peperoni.

Takeaway asks "do you want it cut into 6 slices or 8?"

Paddy says "best make it 6 slices, I'm not sure I can eat 8!"

Where's that shite jokes thread when you need it? =D
 
apologies to my irish friends, but your accents do this great justice! :D

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community..

After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.

So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Veterinarian since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.

So the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex.
This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax. So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested.

After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet. The Vet said for her to change partners and let the young man have sex with her while Paddy waved the big towel. They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours.

When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice said:

NSFW:
'And that, me son, is how ya wave a fekkin' towel!'
 
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