PuristLove
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2000
- Messages
- 1,694
The Job
Job 38:12 Hast thou commanded the morning since thy days; and caused the dayspring to know his place?
Forbes sighed. "Jemi, we aren't talking about this anymore. I'm taking you to your mother's, so get your stuff packed."
"But Dad," she whined. "I hate her."
"Don't say that." He bent down on his knees and pulled her hands away from her face. "Your mom loves you and she can take better care of you than I can."
It really hurt to say that out loud. How far the mighty have fallen? Nowadays, he allowed this kind of self-pity.
"But she makes me call him Daddy," Jemi said. Her little face was red and puffy from anger.
Wincing, Forbes took his time finding the right words, "You know that I'm your Dad, not that man. As long as you know it, and I know it, nothing your mother makes you say will change that fact."
"You can't make me go," Jemi fled from his arms, to her room. Forbes listened as she threw herself on the bed and sobbed.
He sat on the floor, then resigned himself and got up. Grabbing some garbage bags from the kitchen, he started packing his daughter's belongings.
Jemi ignored him for a while, but when he started to put her action figures into the bag she jumped from the bed. "You have to leave my toys here. What would I play with on the weekend when I come over?"
"You won't be coming over Jemi," Forbes gritted his teeth and continued stuffing the plastic men and women into the bag.
"But…" Her bottom lip closed over the top one, as her whole face started to quiver.
"Jemi, I'm not going to be living here anymore. Where I'm going, it's not somewhere I'd want you to go. I couldn't bear to let you see me like that."
Forbes dropped the bag and scooped his little girl into his arms. "What did you do Daddy?" The words were vibrato, her wracking cries turning them into Morse Code.
"I didn't do anything baby. I didn't do anything," He didn't understand it himself.
"But that's not F-AAAAA-IIIIIRRRRR!"
"Tell that to God," he muttered. "Tell that to the landlord, or the bastard who fired me. But don't tell me because I already know."
Hurt by his words, Jemi began to scream.
"Honey, don't. Don't yell. Daddy didn't mean that." He cursed himself in his mind. If he couldn't be nice to his own daughter he probably did deserve to lose her.
#
"And finally sir, I think I'd make a good employee because I have integrity. If my qualifications aren't enough, I believe that alone is a reason to hire me."
I will kiss your ass and spit-shine your shoes, he thought. He brought his hand to his face and rubbed the smooth cheeks. Shaving wasn't a privilege he allowed himself often. He couldn't afford to dull the razor blade or use up his precious shaving cream on mornings when he didn't have a job interview. Finding a rough patch he quickly moved his fingers away from it. The dirty mirrors at the shelter made it difficult to get everything.
"Integrity." The suit behind the desk leaned forward as he spoke. His face, like his voice, was expressionless. "Your references all checked out great. Except, when I called your last boss he said that you'd been fired for stealing office supplies."
"That…" Forbes had to push his anger deep inside. The tight ball of rage was ready to explode. "That never happened sir. My accuser had no evidence. No charges were ever filed."
"Well, I'll have your application on file. We'll give you a call if we need you. You can be reached at the shelter, correct?"
Forbes got up and walked out.
#
"Want to talk?" The old man who sat next to him on the bench stubbed out a cigarette. Reaching into his pocket, he removed the pack. Took one and lit it, then tossed the pack to Forbes.
"I don't smoke," Forbes told him.
"Take one," the man coughed and tossed Forbes the book of matches.
Hesitating, Forbes removed one of the bent cigarettes and put it in his mouth. After wasting three matches, the old man handed him his lit cigarette.
"It'll help settle your stomach," he told Forbes, pointing at the vomit on the ground with his toe. "Want to tell me your sob story?"
"No thanks. Thanks for the smoke." Forbes glanced away, shifting his whole body in the other direction.
"It'll help if you talk about it. And I've been known to give good advice," He flashed a huge smile, his teeth so white they contrasted with the dirty skin and clothes.
"What the hell kind of advice could a bum give me? Isn't that kind of like the blind leading the blind?"
"Being poor doesn't mean you ain't wise. Sometimes life just kicks a man a lot."
"And you're gonna tell me you didn't do anything to deserve being out here on the streets?"
"You telling me you did?" The old man laughed, then coughed again.
"Must have. This kind of thing doesn't happen to good people. I can't remember what it was, but it had to be something. Maybe I should have given more to charity, or been nicer to my ex-wife. Whatever it was, the karma sure has been a bitch."
"Karma?" He raised his eyebrows, inhaling deeply from his cigarette.
"Karma, you know, as in getting what's coming to you."
"Oh I know what karma is. I don't think you do though…"
"Let me guess, not only do you give good advice, you're also a Buddha?" Forbes took his first drag, the smoke was thick and made him choke. But it did cause his stomach to calm down almost instantly.
"If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him." He laughed again, revealing those glistening teeth once more. "No, but I studied it once. Would have become a monk if I hadn't met my wife."
"Your wife? She live out here too?"
"No, she's passed on." His eyes closed briefly, and Forbes watched him mutter something under his breath.
An awkward moment of silence ensued. Feeling like he needed to share something of himself now, in exchange, Forbes said, "Mine left me. Still don't understand why."
"Sometimes there ain't no why for us to understand."
"There's a reason for everything." Forbes felt the muscles in his neck tense up.
"Of course there is. When it rains, it's because the clouds are heavy. When it gets dark, it's because the world has turned away from the sun. All things have a cause, and all causes have an effect. But usually we're just wasting our time trying to figure out why something happens. Better off figuring out how to live with the consequences."
"Don't you think the way we live our lives determines where we end up? If a man lost his job, his wife, his house and his daughter, isn't that because he did something bad? Something he needs to be punished for?"
"No," The old man fixed his eyes on Forbes, his gaze so intense that Forbes had to turn away. "No, he's not being punished. Yes, the way we live matters. If a man works hard, treats people well, lives with integrity, he's going to end up a lot better off than the man who cheats people, steals from them, and lives a lie. But that isn't about rewards and punishment, it’s about gaining respect and trust. People want to be with the honest man. They want to do business with him."
"So tell me then, why did I lose my job?"
"You tell me."
Forbes started to snap off, I asked you. Then he stopped. "I got accused of stealing office supplies. I've never taken home so much as a paperclip."
"Why did this person accuse you?"
"He wanted me gone. We were both looking for the same promotion," Forbes answered.
"Well, that's why you lost your job. Everything has consequences. Many of them aren't obvious. Doesn't mean you did anything bad. Just means you made an enemy, and he hurt you."
"What did I do to deserve an enemy?"
"There is no deserve. Don't you get it yet? It's not about fair, it's about facts. Learn from the facts. Stop letting guilt paralyze you."
This touched him. He could see now how much he'd been sabotaging himself, in an effort to atone for sins he'd never committed. He sat there, staring off into space, trying to figure out where to go from here. What to do with the facts.
Forbes suddenly remembered something. "Thank you, I've got to go."
"Where are you going?"
"It's Friday. I get visitation with my daughter on weekends."
Job 38:12 Hast thou commanded the morning since thy days; and caused the dayspring to know his place?
Forbes sighed. "Jemi, we aren't talking about this anymore. I'm taking you to your mother's, so get your stuff packed."
"But Dad," she whined. "I hate her."
"Don't say that." He bent down on his knees and pulled her hands away from her face. "Your mom loves you and she can take better care of you than I can."
It really hurt to say that out loud. How far the mighty have fallen? Nowadays, he allowed this kind of self-pity.
"But she makes me call him Daddy," Jemi said. Her little face was red and puffy from anger.
Wincing, Forbes took his time finding the right words, "You know that I'm your Dad, not that man. As long as you know it, and I know it, nothing your mother makes you say will change that fact."
"You can't make me go," Jemi fled from his arms, to her room. Forbes listened as she threw herself on the bed and sobbed.
He sat on the floor, then resigned himself and got up. Grabbing some garbage bags from the kitchen, he started packing his daughter's belongings.
Jemi ignored him for a while, but when he started to put her action figures into the bag she jumped from the bed. "You have to leave my toys here. What would I play with on the weekend when I come over?"
"You won't be coming over Jemi," Forbes gritted his teeth and continued stuffing the plastic men and women into the bag.
"But…" Her bottom lip closed over the top one, as her whole face started to quiver.
"Jemi, I'm not going to be living here anymore. Where I'm going, it's not somewhere I'd want you to go. I couldn't bear to let you see me like that."
Forbes dropped the bag and scooped his little girl into his arms. "What did you do Daddy?" The words were vibrato, her wracking cries turning them into Morse Code.
"I didn't do anything baby. I didn't do anything," He didn't understand it himself.
"But that's not F-AAAAA-IIIIIRRRRR!"
"Tell that to God," he muttered. "Tell that to the landlord, or the bastard who fired me. But don't tell me because I already know."
Hurt by his words, Jemi began to scream.
"Honey, don't. Don't yell. Daddy didn't mean that." He cursed himself in his mind. If he couldn't be nice to his own daughter he probably did deserve to lose her.
#
"And finally sir, I think I'd make a good employee because I have integrity. If my qualifications aren't enough, I believe that alone is a reason to hire me."
I will kiss your ass and spit-shine your shoes, he thought. He brought his hand to his face and rubbed the smooth cheeks. Shaving wasn't a privilege he allowed himself often. He couldn't afford to dull the razor blade or use up his precious shaving cream on mornings when he didn't have a job interview. Finding a rough patch he quickly moved his fingers away from it. The dirty mirrors at the shelter made it difficult to get everything.
"Integrity." The suit behind the desk leaned forward as he spoke. His face, like his voice, was expressionless. "Your references all checked out great. Except, when I called your last boss he said that you'd been fired for stealing office supplies."
"That…" Forbes had to push his anger deep inside. The tight ball of rage was ready to explode. "That never happened sir. My accuser had no evidence. No charges were ever filed."
"Well, I'll have your application on file. We'll give you a call if we need you. You can be reached at the shelter, correct?"
Forbes got up and walked out.
#
"Want to talk?" The old man who sat next to him on the bench stubbed out a cigarette. Reaching into his pocket, he removed the pack. Took one and lit it, then tossed the pack to Forbes.
"I don't smoke," Forbes told him.
"Take one," the man coughed and tossed Forbes the book of matches.
Hesitating, Forbes removed one of the bent cigarettes and put it in his mouth. After wasting three matches, the old man handed him his lit cigarette.
"It'll help settle your stomach," he told Forbes, pointing at the vomit on the ground with his toe. "Want to tell me your sob story?"
"No thanks. Thanks for the smoke." Forbes glanced away, shifting his whole body in the other direction.
"It'll help if you talk about it. And I've been known to give good advice," He flashed a huge smile, his teeth so white they contrasted with the dirty skin and clothes.
"What the hell kind of advice could a bum give me? Isn't that kind of like the blind leading the blind?"
"Being poor doesn't mean you ain't wise. Sometimes life just kicks a man a lot."
"And you're gonna tell me you didn't do anything to deserve being out here on the streets?"
"You telling me you did?" The old man laughed, then coughed again.
"Must have. This kind of thing doesn't happen to good people. I can't remember what it was, but it had to be something. Maybe I should have given more to charity, or been nicer to my ex-wife. Whatever it was, the karma sure has been a bitch."
"Karma?" He raised his eyebrows, inhaling deeply from his cigarette.
"Karma, you know, as in getting what's coming to you."
"Oh I know what karma is. I don't think you do though…"
"Let me guess, not only do you give good advice, you're also a Buddha?" Forbes took his first drag, the smoke was thick and made him choke. But it did cause his stomach to calm down almost instantly.
"If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him." He laughed again, revealing those glistening teeth once more. "No, but I studied it once. Would have become a monk if I hadn't met my wife."
"Your wife? She live out here too?"
"No, she's passed on." His eyes closed briefly, and Forbes watched him mutter something under his breath.
An awkward moment of silence ensued. Feeling like he needed to share something of himself now, in exchange, Forbes said, "Mine left me. Still don't understand why."
"Sometimes there ain't no why for us to understand."
"There's a reason for everything." Forbes felt the muscles in his neck tense up.
"Of course there is. When it rains, it's because the clouds are heavy. When it gets dark, it's because the world has turned away from the sun. All things have a cause, and all causes have an effect. But usually we're just wasting our time trying to figure out why something happens. Better off figuring out how to live with the consequences."
"Don't you think the way we live our lives determines where we end up? If a man lost his job, his wife, his house and his daughter, isn't that because he did something bad? Something he needs to be punished for?"
"No," The old man fixed his eyes on Forbes, his gaze so intense that Forbes had to turn away. "No, he's not being punished. Yes, the way we live matters. If a man works hard, treats people well, lives with integrity, he's going to end up a lot better off than the man who cheats people, steals from them, and lives a lie. But that isn't about rewards and punishment, it’s about gaining respect and trust. People want to be with the honest man. They want to do business with him."
"So tell me then, why did I lose my job?"
"You tell me."
Forbes started to snap off, I asked you. Then he stopped. "I got accused of stealing office supplies. I've never taken home so much as a paperclip."
"Why did this person accuse you?"
"He wanted me gone. We were both looking for the same promotion," Forbes answered.
"Well, that's why you lost your job. Everything has consequences. Many of them aren't obvious. Doesn't mean you did anything bad. Just means you made an enemy, and he hurt you."
"What did I do to deserve an enemy?"
"There is no deserve. Don't you get it yet? It's not about fair, it's about facts. Learn from the facts. Stop letting guilt paralyze you."
This touched him. He could see now how much he'd been sabotaging himself, in an effort to atone for sins he'd never committed. He sat there, staring off into space, trying to figure out where to go from here. What to do with the facts.
Forbes suddenly remembered something. "Thank you, I've got to go."
"Where are you going?"
"It's Friday. I get visitation with my daughter on weekends."
