Help?!?!
Bluelighter
How many times will we dance, before I finally fall for the last time? We've meet so many times before, danced all day, when I had the pay, but in a way it never felt like much of anything. I flirted with disaster one to many times, yet here I am unscathed. Am I simply an example of debauchery at its finest, or am I an example of the long winded trail so many traverse? Its never the pain that consumes me, its simply the confusion. Confusion about everything. Wondering why I do what I do and did what I did. Went away for months but the return is inevitable. I dance with you so well, no matter how close to the line and the abyss we are. Once again confused I ponder if I just want to kill all the hurt inside my body, inside my mind, kill that maelstrom that never ceases except occasionally when I sleep or I just like the abuse you cause to me. Even sleep isn't a perfect shield for me, for my demons follow me into my dreams. I only want things to cease, nothings perfect and never will be, but I long for the existence I can never have. We all idolize that, strive for that until everything bleeds. I just want respite, time to delay the deprivation for just a moment. Things were never great and I accepted that they may never be. Circumstances sometimes can't change. They only erode with time like everything else. If only I could melt away and merge again then the dance would've ended and we'd be better off for it in so many senses. Idealism is only an escape as well though. Until my name is called, i'll sit patiently, I can't promise I won't cause trouble, I can't promise the that the dance won't revolve like the chamber, or a door, with infinite beginnings and ends. Sometimes I wish that everyone would just go away, leave me in my silence, though I know my mind would only scream louder, move faster, cause the dance to progress further towards the edge. Sometimes I don't care if the dance lasts forever, but even when its happening sometimes I can't escape into the bliss. What I am defies logic, intelligence, or grace. For some reason I can't even muster the strength to care. I don't want to be great, I don't want to be remembered, and I don't want to be number one. All I want is to be me. The worst part is at the end of the day is the lack of care. Caring is simply something that alludes me constantly except with a select few things. So either way I don't care and will spin on this merry go round until I fucking puke! The line between dreaming of demons and being one stretches far to thin, I believe sometimes. I simply want to implode, to rest, to no longer think, or even so much as blink......
Don't read to much into it, it was scrawled out by a man known to many to be highly incoherent and pretty much less than sane.......
Being meaning to post this one forever, just remembered it and figured why not? This is one of the few threads i've ever made so at best, just ignore its lack of integrity if that's the way you view it and simply move along....best for everyone most likely, if you like it....then sit there and admire it and then do what you do..... Either way, fuck me, fuck you, fuck time, fuck egotistical fucks, fuck ducks, fuck shoes, fuck the blues, fuck that I can only see in a singular hue, and finally fuck everything.....
Venting......
8
sus:
Don't read to much into it, it was scrawled out by a man known to many to be highly incoherent and pretty much less than sane.......
Being meaning to post this one forever, just remembered it and figured why not? This is one of the few threads i've ever made so at best, just ignore its lack of integrity if that's the way you view it and simply move along....best for everyone most likely, if you like it....then sit there and admire it and then do what you do..... Either way, fuck me, fuck you, fuck time, fuck egotistical fucks, fuck ducks, fuck shoes, fuck the blues, fuck that I can only see in a singular hue, and finally fuck everything..... Venting......8sus:
