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-The- Heroin & Opioid Mega Discussion Thread (Volumes 1+2 Merged)

i need to nod, right now. but everything is so fuckin overpriced these days. especially since they got rid of oxies.
 
I hear ya on needing a nod. I haven't nodded out since... I believe a day or two after christmas (methadone). Now that I've been taken it regularly (scripted 30mg/d, but take it sadly more like 40-45mg/d), I haven't nodded on an opioid (scripted middle of jan). Even with my stupid mistake of running out early every month, then holding out till the next script with gabapentin, tramadol, and/or suboxone, my tolerance really go down. So with this I have no idea why I abuse the methadone like I do. When I was scripted less, I'd take less on avg/d. I'm guessing I just see my bottle full of pills and I go to town, till i start feeling guilty and slowly reduce my dose till I'm fucked a week early. Even this last month when I had enough drugs to get me high everyday with, UR-144 (cannabinoid), amphetamines (15mg salts combo and 4-fa), mxe, 2c-p, 25i-NBOMe, clonazepam, tramadol, etizolam, xanax and the methadone, I consumed basically everything besides a few amps, psychs and tramadol leaving me uncomfortable. I should have a lot of certain items still (all rc's), with taking the methadone correctly (a chronic condition) but it's apparently all or nothing for me. When I ask myself if I was satisfied with the highs I got this month, I'd say no. Maybe its because I'm just trying to reach that point with a substance (opioid, or other) where I have some sort of peak experience (nodding, breakthrough exp on DMT, k-hole, etc.), which really hasn't been a regular experience since my last birthday with a 5 day binge of oxymorphone. Like I feel like I need a nod once in a while, or a k hole experience, something to take me away from everything. I can't seem to get the euphoria/relaxation I'm looking for using any substance. The times I feel like I actually get euphoria is when I'm watching AGOT in HD on Sundays, and thats not even involving any drugs.

I wish I had some self control. I'll be refilling my mdone script again on monday, so it's another 30 days to see if I can actually do it for once. I know even if I double the dose, I wont get close to nodding. Fuck, drugs aren't even as fun with out friends to be around. I really don't even want to be on anything anymore. I'm getting so tired of relying on a substance, and knowing if I don't have something I'll start feeling like shit. Even minor opioid WD makes my RLS get so bad I can't imagine stopping the methadone and clonazepam. I know even if I was sober I'd have a lot of trouble sleeping making my ADHD 10x worse, which makes my life 10x worse. Ugh, really I just need to get my mdone use in control. These little periods every month (ha! even with a penis :P) are taking a toll on me.
 
I have been taking 50mgs of percocet for 9 weeks and the w/d feel like they are going to be horrible.. I have neck surgery in 4 days and would like to maybe use subs for a 5 day taper detox. Maybe after a week post surgery I can dump the pain meds and use subs for 5 days? Is this something that will work and eliminate alot of the withdrawls? Any help is really appreciated, I am really scared..
thanks
 
Sometimes I feel my primary role here is to give the ol' opioid page a bump.

The word on MoE is after 2 months of continual relapse I found out my insurance covers inpatient treatment - a revelation for my mother and myself. So tomorrow I'm entering detox, hopefully in my first choice center, however, possibly in one further down the list, as first choice may not have a bed for me. I think I'll need the detox and shouldn't skip it just to get in a higher tier facility, but as this is a first go I'm only estimating. My parents just want me in a place, cut-rate or otherwise, they just want me in.... so they are little help in weighing the possibilities. Washing out equate to my family washing their hands, I'm safe in assuming. If there's internet, I'll try to update as my experience goes. If not, thank you darkside for the continued (direct/indirect) support continually provided. A special thanks to Redleader and stardust.hero. Respectively, I hope you are both in positive, healthy places. Yet, my best wishes for you all.
 
I don't want to use a scary word like indefinitely, but as of now it's as long as clinically suggested, but after a few months I'll begin to take into account what I want to an extent as well. Until then, I need to give myself over to a thing, b/c I can't seem to stop doing drugs. Right now, my attitude is pretty upbeat about it. But let's see if I get in - still waiting on the call.

Thanks Vanweyden, I hope you're well now and in perpetuity, as well.
 
I think that's agood thing actually. Remember, you spent years on addiction, now you don't need to rush to kick it. When you're out of detox and working through the therapy program, you'll have a feeling for when it is enough... It's all about what you make out of it! This can be a reql turning point, at least it was for me. I went for 90 days.
 
Yes, 90 days seems a reasonable amount. I'm lightly concerned over the several accounts I read of people relapsing the day they're out. From what I know of myself, that won't be me.
 
I think a lot of people who relapse the second they get out make one of two mistakes...

1) they return to a bad environment, or a relationship where their partner is still actively using

2) they entered rehab without wanting to quit in the first place

This isn't to say this is covering "all of your bases" either, but it's food for thought.
 
The environment will be my concern. I'm not in any romantic relationship encumbered by addiction, and I have a bone to grind belonging to someone closely associated w/ my connect, so they've been avoiding me. I'm hoping that'll leave few loose ends - oh, and I believe I want to stop, so I hope I've got a better chance.
 
I also saw people who relapsed the day they left, got back in derection instantly, and stayed clean after that... I relapsed one month after completing rehab, and now I'm near to five months clean :). Environment surely is a big factor. I'm glad there aren't any users of my doc around me, it's difficult at work though. I often caught myself lurking around the happy pills several times. You def have a chance, and it's dysfunctional to think about whether you have it or not. Sometimes the people with the worst circumstances make it. It always matters how you tell your story ;)
 
Best wishes, MoE! I think you are making a good decision. I hope it's not too late for you to see my message. I doubt that you'll have internet in there, but as soon as you get to a computer, let us know how you are.

My cravings are very low right now. It's been two weeks since I used, and honestly I think I'm going to try and make it at least another 90 days. I have so much stuff going on in my life right now that I actually have a lot to lose if I were to even to spend a day or two nodding and doing little else. The downside is that I feel fatigued, tired and worn out right now from all of this stuff in my life, but that's nothing compared to the consequences of boredom.
 
Thanks RL, I've honestly been wondering how you've been, but am glad to hear you've strengthened your resolve.

Also, as insurance dictates, I've got a bed in detox Tuesday @ 9am. They'll do the evaluation on their end, where hopefully they keep me under their unwicked auspices, otherwise I'm sure my mother will shop me around to facilities until one keeps me. In any case, I'm excited, and outside of this commitment, I really feel I want to stop my continual heroin/cocaine abuse. A lot of bad and traumatic things have happened over the last month, all rooted in substance abuse.

Again, best wishes to all, and I'll be sure to let everyone know how I fair.
 
I've been doing okay, thanks for asking. I have a few new things going for me, so I'm trying to ride that momentum as long as I can. It's not easy, no, and I still crave the escapism, but I'm actually scared of heroin right now (if you can understand this). Saw a guy I know fail a urine screen the other day and get taken off to jail - fuck 8o). I've been craving stimulants lately, I think because I'm actually trying to be productive, so that's another struggle :\. I still owe you a PM, which admittedly you might not get until you're home again. Something to look forward to, though, if you want to call it that!

I really don't like hearing you use the word 'traumatic.' This word hits too close to home. I don't really want to cast a spell on you or anything, but in my case the trauma because post-traumatic stress and when my emotions really came back, I had a few "oh shit, that really happened" moments and I've been mentally rattled ever since. Talking about these things don't make them go away or really alleviate all of the pain, but I will always be willing to talk with you as a friend about anything if you need that once you get back. The loop of use -> trauma -> PTS -> use -> trauma -> ... is one of the worst out there.

Are you being detoxed with Suboxone at the detox, or will you have to cold-turkey it?
 
I've been doing a lot better with my methadone script I'm honestly proud of myself. It looks like my script will last me 29 days, which I'm completely satisfied with (one day with out methadone is fine especially if I take 10mg before I go to bed the night before and I'll have clonazepam for any anxiety that may appear later in the night that last day). This has my mood a lot higher than it has been since some point last summer, my friends a 1000 miles away can even notice.

I have abused the methadone a few times but I made myself take less methadone than scripted the next day to make up for the extra use. Its not enough for me to get a real opioid high, but I do enjoy a nice mood lift that taking a little extra gives me. It helps me from really caring about getting any other opioids, which is a improvement from a few months ago when I was still chasing that nod. Now I've only nodded like twice in the past 5 months.
 
CoffeeDrinker said:
I just got started on suboxone about 2 weeks ago from a doctor. I am SO GLAD!
I quit cold turkey last time, but when I relapsed, I relapsed hard, and my tolerance got worse than it had ever gotten.
It's just so nice to be completely craving free, and it allows me to enjoy hanging out with my friends without thinking about copping drugs at all. I am getting into a healthier routine slowly, but this is finally the step In the right direction.
Click to expand...


Do they make your pupils pinned?
 
I have someone VERY close to me who is trying to be clean on his own. Its been a month since shooting heroin, he is taking suboxons, and once in while xanax for panic attacks...my question to you is....his pupils are still pinned all the time, and just recently he was sitting in a chair but his head was inbetween his legs completely on the floor..he was totally out of it, so I scream his name he falls to the floor. he said the xanax hit him and he took to much...I want to believe him but so much has happened in the past...what I'm asking is do subs pin ur pupils and do xanax make you I guess you call it nod??
 
skyedom, when I took xanax in my pharm-naive days, it would frequently lay me out on the floor, or put me in a dream state. I would be concerned regarding your friend's xanax use; are they prescribed it by a doctor? As it is for panic attacks, I assume they're prescribed it, and if not, they should see a doctor, as the dosage can be standardized. Xanax is a motherfucker (excuse the phrasing) in its own right, its addiction at least rivaling opiate addictions, and its WD's are potentially fatal. Secondly, is your relationship with this person incumbent upon their cessation from heroin? If not, I would in a accepting/loving/open manner ask them, but also impress upon them your concern about their potential use. But as your question goes, xanax could be responsible as much as heroin.

Red, thank you for your consistently insightful wisdom on a multitude of subjects. More times than I can say, I've lurked a thread and caught a response you made to someone and it's helped me. You don't owe it to anyone, but I am always interested to hear your thoughts, but also to offer any feedback I can, or simply listen to your experiences. Despite the origins of your severe traumas, I know you as a very empathetic and respectable individual from your presence here, which can't be totally unlike your actual life. Also, I have to congratulate you on not letting these lapses allow you to be consumed by heroin. We both know legal repercussions notwithstanding, it can quickly become rationalized to wholly fallout. We each seem to've kept from that, and that counts for something. As for the stims, I've never personally enjoyed or benefited from their use (w/o heroin in the mix), yet, the progress you make under their auspices may seem fickle, also to say nothing of the prospective legal entanglements you risk. Personally, I've kept clear and far from meth namely - despite my prior aversions, I know it could easily become a less pleasurable obsession, in lie of heroin.
Talking about my traumas doesn't help me either; it actually hurts those around me, as they learn how my life has deviated and my threshold has been met. I don't have a lot to say ATM, yet be assured I'll reciprocate your offer to be there as a friend (when I'm not washing out in detox/rehab). Thanks, and as to the PM, I don't feel owed, although I'd welcome it - wait, I mean: look forward to it!

Also, this came to mind: is heroin (in essence, effect, nature, addiction) scaring you now, or is it the consequences it engenders the object of the fear? Not a loaded question, I'm just interested in the subject - for instance, is fear of heroin overall a positive deterrent, and so on....

Lastly, I've requested to either CT, or at most do a 5 day taper on subs. If trazadone is made available, I'll partake of it, but no bezos. My biggest concern, of course, is my ability to enthusiastically rebuild my life during and after my discharge.
 
Since I'm updating here it should be obvious something's amiss, given I was supposed to be in treatment.

I did detox for two days, which was all I needed, then I was to be discharged and admitted to inpatient rehab. However, the nursing staff/doctor decided b/c I had one low blood sugar I'd be a liability and I couldn't do rehab b/c they lacked a 24 hour nursing staff. I have an assessment for another center tomorrow, but they don't know when they'll have a bed.

I can't avoid my angry feelings now. I felt really good about entering treatment. I quickly developed supportive relationships w/ almost all of the other patients, I tapered, I was processing and learning things, and now there's this hiccup. Hopefully it will be a brief hiccup, and I'll get a bed tomorrow in this more diabetic-equipped center. Yet, just returning home puts me at square zero, and it hurts to be reintroduced to the place I did so much drugging. This is just bad, and even if I don't get high, it's still bad. I may try to get out, go to a park, read and take my mind off this, b/c I am very disappointed ATM.

Hope everyone else is well....

EDIT: Aaaaaaand, I got into a treatment center, tomorrow at 8:30 am - IM NOT DEAD YET
 
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No, motheroftheearth, you are not dead yet. Keep it that way. I hope you do well in treatment. I'm trying to come off of pods, and some of the stories in this thread make me feel like a big GD sissy. Don't feel guilty about being angry. Anybody would be. Just look to the next minute, the next hour. Live in it, and know it gets better, so they keep telling me.
 
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