SHHMCJOOAPOYS
Bluelighter
this.
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
-The- Heroin & Opioid Mega Discussion Thread (Volumes 1+2 Merged)
- Thread starter ocean
- Start date
this.
VanWeyden
Bluelighter
Ugh...
My most intense cravings and inner-struggles since I quit my addiction months ago are happening tonight. Found out today that all I have to do is say the word and I have free heroin given to me tomorrow morning. And even if I turn it down, I still gotta briefly be face-to-face with the dude tomorrow. No way around that.
It's easy coming on BL and talking about recovery, or giving others advice. This unexpectedly-in-your-face shit is not easy, not at all. I know more so than ever how bad/risky it would be to even consider this, but it's amazing how the old brain and it's rationalizations and justification comes back.
I can almost taste the drip in the back of my throat. My hands feel all clammy, my heart racing. This really sucks. I'm going to go for a run and then lift weights, but I can't tell you that I'll stop thinking about heroin.
So similar to my situation. Moved from my old place and was happy to have not as many drugs around me as in my old neighbourhood. Bam. Found out yesterday that my roomie stores not only an ounce of weed, but also a nice collection of prescriptions in her room. And she's very generous with drugs. Held only a bottle of Trams in my hands but the feeling is beyond comparison. A few days earlier I found a pill when unpacking my clothes and it was the same feeling. Turned down both occasions, but every time I hold the stuff in my hands it is such a morbid moment of clarity. All sorroundings are stripped away, just me and the drug. "You can take me if you like. Just do it, Nothing else matters. " I'm proud I resisted. But it preys on my mind.
trunkofmycar
Bluelighter
Congratulations to you! I also went the Suboxone route... it, unfortunately, did not work the same for me, I only take it half the time and my addiction/depression is worse than ever, but this gives me hope if I were to start taking it properly again... I might be okay.
DexterMeth
Bluelighter
I agree, and good to hear. I'm trying not to resort to violence right now, to turn down the shit. It's gotten that bad with a few people. I'll manage. I'm glad you're still sober man.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
So awesome Red!!!! I was wondering about the other day and how it went. So glad to hear you made it through!
DexterMeth
Bluelighter
I have a friend who's father owns a large share of Qualcomm. He started to get into the game when I was getting out. Sounds like a similar situation. I've just been ignoring him.
RedLeader
Bluelight Crew
^ Sorry, I deleted my other post. Didn't feel like having all that out here. Let's just say that more bullshit happened today with people trying to lure me back in, but I haven't responded and don't plan to.
Thanks! I hope you are making it through your days as well.
Does your roommate know about your drug history?
I hope that YOU are okay right now.
Thanks! I hope you are making it through your days as well.
Does your roommate know about your drug history?
I hope that YOU are okay right now.
DexterMeth
Bluelighter
They honestly never go away. Best case scenario for me was to convince most of them that I got addicted to other drugs. I guess ignoring them long enough would work, but I don't have that kind of temperment.
Hang in there dude.
Hang in there dude.
SHHMCJOOAPOYS
Bluelighter
Last night was a very close call for me. I'm lucky that I drove away empty handed because I certainly couldn't control myself last night. Today is just another day fighting the same desire to use. I had a dream about it last night. I woke up and it's the only thing on my mind.
DooMMooD
Bluelighter
Aside from one or two slips where I had a day or so of doing roxis/opanas, all of which was a waste because of my suboxone, I've got about 100 days today since I got out of detox. Since I was using multiple opanas daily before I went, and have used maybe 3 or so times since then in the last 100 days, i'd say thats a pretty drastic improvement.
I consider having quit, the slip ups were not planned ahead (well more than 5 minutes ahead anyways!) and I have tried to isolate them. Thats key to me personally: if i let it be ok like "oh you used once and didnt go back out on a run, you can do it again next week" i'm fucked. Soon as i start getting that mentality I go on a bender: its happened before, 1 slip turned into a 5+day bender where no one saw me and I blew every last penny in my bank account.
Good luck to all that are quitting. Suboxone has proved to be a miracle for me and although I know some fear the withdrawals, I'd much rather have had this few months of stability on it in order to get my shit totally pulled together than not have to go through those W/D but still be using. Because I KNOW i'd have kept using every single day since I left detox if not for this shit.
Gotta pay the price eventually, except now i'm gonna be ready to do so: mentally, physically, spiritually, etc.
Its sooooo hard to get clean, even harder to stay clean. But its sooooooo easy to go back to what we were: it takes about 5 minutes and a fat shot/line/whatever you liked.
Opiates are the devils work, and we all like playing with fire too damn much.
I consider having quit, the slip ups were not planned ahead (well more than 5 minutes ahead anyways!) and I have tried to isolate them. Thats key to me personally: if i let it be ok like "oh you used once and didnt go back out on a run, you can do it again next week" i'm fucked. Soon as i start getting that mentality I go on a bender: its happened before, 1 slip turned into a 5+day bender where no one saw me and I blew every last penny in my bank account.
Good luck to all that are quitting. Suboxone has proved to be a miracle for me and although I know some fear the withdrawals, I'd much rather have had this few months of stability on it in order to get my shit totally pulled together than not have to go through those W/D but still be using. Because I KNOW i'd have kept using every single day since I left detox if not for this shit.
Gotta pay the price eventually, except now i'm gonna be ready to do so: mentally, physically, spiritually, etc.
Its sooooo hard to get clean, even harder to stay clean. But its sooooooo easy to go back to what we were: it takes about 5 minutes and a fat shot/line/whatever you liked.
Opiates are the devils work, and we all like playing with fire too damn much.
DexterMeth
Bluelighter
The main problem with opiates for me is that they completely destroy my flight response and only fight remains. This would be good if the world was nothing but a warzone, but it's not.
Read through this whole thread and I am happy for everyone who's been successful at resisting... good job guys. 
I myself am addicted but wanting to stop. I went into a methadone clinic this morning in the nearest city to me only for them to tell me the first appt they could get me to see a dr was next week...! So I'm thinking, cool, I have to now maintain this addiction for another week, that's really not something I wanted to have to do. But then again I'm not sure MMT is right for me... I'm a student at uni who lives away from home, and if I was on MMT it means I couldn't go home to visit my family for more than a day which would be really hard for me. Anyone have any info about inpatient programs and how they work? I'm really curious and I've never done anything like this before... to just walk into a hospital / up to a dr and say hey I'm going through w/d can you help me? Is not something I look fwd to but if there's a better option than methadone I'll take it. I just want another painkiller to relieve the pain, and something to help me sleep. Anyone had success with this?
I've done cold turkey withdrawals before and it was so unbearable... I relapsed in the middle when someone accidentally left their bottle of pills out in front of me, resisted for a few hours and put them away but as soon as I knew where they were it wouldn't get out of my head... fuck I felt so terrible and was crying as I was crushing it up but I just wanted it to end. I went through another month or two of hell, then started using again little bits at a time, then gradually every day again, and it's now been at least 10 months of that. Right now being in school is stopping me from quitting cold turkey, I have to drive 30mins to class every day and 15mins to work, and I can't function without sleep... I can't sleep when going through w/d it's just terrible. And everything hurts, like seriously lying in bed and having the weight of the blanket on my feet was agony, even 2-3wks after stopping.
I think the only thing I have on my side right now is that I'm on a relatively low dose... ~40mg per day which I plan to only take ~20mg today and see how that goes. I'm okay with the initial symptoms, the hot/cold, tingling feeling, clammy hands and a little bit sweaty... sure why not. Being extra emotional at everything is hard for me, I cry about ANYthing at all, a sad song, or even a happy one. I plan to step down my dose as fast as possible without getting into the shakes/insomnia/shits part of w/d. And maybe I won't need MMT...
There was someone on this thread who said he was also a uni student and that using "MDPV" helped through w/d and kept him in school, I'm going to find that post and quote him...
but I would love some more information about this because I'm in the same boat. Wanting to stop for a long time now, my source is completely out, and I can't take anything except oxyneo orally in pieces because a whole pill would probably make me sick, I want relief from w/d but no high and the neo seems to be doing that just fine for now. But finals are coming up and I need to be able to function at work too. Planning on using NyQuil or some other no-name brand of liquid flu relief to help me sleep through the w/d... did it before while using less oxys and wanting to sleep and had no problems.
Thanks in advance for any help you guys could offer, support is so important to this process...
I myself am addicted but wanting to stop. I went into a methadone clinic this morning in the nearest city to me only for them to tell me the first appt they could get me to see a dr was next week...! So I'm thinking, cool, I have to now maintain this addiction for another week, that's really not something I wanted to have to do. But then again I'm not sure MMT is right for me... I'm a student at uni who lives away from home, and if I was on MMT it means I couldn't go home to visit my family for more than a day which would be really hard for me. Anyone have any info about inpatient programs and how they work? I'm really curious and I've never done anything like this before... to just walk into a hospital / up to a dr and say hey I'm going through w/d can you help me? Is not something I look fwd to but if there's a better option than methadone I'll take it. I just want another painkiller to relieve the pain, and something to help me sleep. Anyone had success with this?
I've done cold turkey withdrawals before and it was so unbearable... I relapsed in the middle when someone accidentally left their bottle of pills out in front of me, resisted for a few hours and put them away but as soon as I knew where they were it wouldn't get out of my head... fuck I felt so terrible and was crying as I was crushing it up but I just wanted it to end. I went through another month or two of hell, then started using again little bits at a time, then gradually every day again, and it's now been at least 10 months of that. Right now being in school is stopping me from quitting cold turkey, I have to drive 30mins to class every day and 15mins to work, and I can't function without sleep... I can't sleep when going through w/d it's just terrible. And everything hurts, like seriously lying in bed and having the weight of the blanket on my feet was agony, even 2-3wks after stopping.
I think the only thing I have on my side right now is that I'm on a relatively low dose... ~40mg per day which I plan to only take ~20mg today and see how that goes. I'm okay with the initial symptoms, the hot/cold, tingling feeling, clammy hands and a little bit sweaty... sure why not. Being extra emotional at everything is hard for me, I cry about ANYthing at all, a sad song, or even a happy one. I plan to step down my dose as fast as possible without getting into the shakes/insomnia/shits part of w/d. And maybe I won't need MMT...
There was someone on this thread who said he was also a uni student and that using "MDPV" helped through w/d and kept him in school, I'm going to find that post and quote him...
but I would love some more information about this because I'm in the same boat. Wanting to stop for a long time now, my source is completely out, and I can't take anything except oxyneo orally in pieces because a whole pill would probably make me sick, I want relief from w/d but no high and the neo seems to be doing that just fine for now. But finals are coming up and I need to be able to function at work too. Planning on using NyQuil or some other no-name brand of liquid flu relief to help me sleep through the w/d... did it before while using less oxys and wanting to sleep and had no problems.
Thanks in advance for any help you guys could offer, support is so important to this process...
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DexterMeth
Bluelighter
Have you heard about, looked into BMT (buprenorphine maintinance therapy), aka Suboxone? You don't need to go to a clinic daily for that.
I have not heard about it... I'm so new to all this I don't know the meaning of half the short forms / acronyms people are using on here. Gotta search everything lol sad I know. 8) The only things I have experience with are percs and oxys. Oh and now neo.
Thanks for the suggestion I will definitely look into it.
Thanks for the suggestion I will definitely look into it.
VanWeyden
Bluelighter
@red
She knows that I used a lot of drugs in the past, but not all the dirty specifics... maybe it's time to tell her now, I just didn't feel comfortable with doing that. Today is much better than the last days. Had an awesome work day after being sick for three days. Never thought I would get up at 6 in the morning and say "Yeah, I wanna go to work!".
She knows that I used a lot of drugs in the past, but not all the dirty specifics... maybe it's time to tell her now, I just didn't feel comfortable with doing that. Today is much better than the last days. Had an awesome work day after being sick for three days. Never thought I would get up at 6 in the morning and say "Yeah, I wanna go to work!".
psilocybinsane
Bluelighter
Im freaking out
Heroin has been the one thing for me that CONSTANTLY pulls me back, I have been using for about a year and a half, the last half being IV (at least .3 of "pure" a day, even up to a gram on a couple really bad days). A close relative of mine had died, and I was and still am in a bad place. The worse thing was that I was getting monthly checks as inheritance so the only time I would run into the problem of being sick were the few times that all of my dealers were busy or waiting to pick up at the same time. 6 months ago, I got my last check, I started whapping and the money only lasted a few months, I sold everything I own, I stole, I did horrible shit to keep myself well. I have now been clean for 6 days thanks to suboxone, but there is a problem, I only have 2 strips left! I dont have my own script, and my friends wont be refilled for 2 weeks... Im now without any money so ive been scrounging any money I could just to buy subs to keep myself clean these last few days. I also just got kicked out! I have no family left where I am, so Im moving to a different state! As crazy and horrible as this seems right now, maybe I will be able to just get through that two weeks of hell and finally be free, with none of my old “friends” anywhere near me. The thing that scares me is the possibility of finding opiates when I get there. Thanks for reading, I know im ranting but I was freaking out and needed to get this out there. Starting tomorow ill be traveling for at least 2 days straight, no internet... But Ill be back on this thread when I arrive at my destination
Heroin has been the one thing for me that CONSTANTLY pulls me back, I have been using for about a year and a half, the last half being IV (at least .3 of "pure" a day, even up to a gram on a couple really bad days). A close relative of mine had died, and I was and still am in a bad place. The worse thing was that I was getting monthly checks as inheritance so the only time I would run into the problem of being sick were the few times that all of my dealers were busy or waiting to pick up at the same time. 6 months ago, I got my last check, I started whapping and the money only lasted a few months, I sold everything I own, I stole, I did horrible shit to keep myself well. I have now been clean for 6 days thanks to suboxone, but there is a problem, I only have 2 strips left! I dont have my own script, and my friends wont be refilled for 2 weeks... Im now without any money so ive been scrounging any money I could just to buy subs to keep myself clean these last few days. I also just got kicked out! I have no family left where I am, so Im moving to a different state! As crazy and horrible as this seems right now, maybe I will be able to just get through that two weeks of hell and finally be free, with none of my old “friends” anywhere near me. The thing that scares me is the possibility of finding opiates when I get there. Thanks for reading, I know im ranting but I was freaking out and needed to get this out there. Starting tomorow ill be traveling for at least 2 days straight, no internet... But Ill be back on this thread when I arrive at my destination
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You must be reading my mind. I know I will never get over that mental addiction. I know what you mean about spotting a good vein. Even when I see a great one on my own arm, I have to push on it and find a place where I'd poke it - if I had something to inject. It makes me feel creepy that I can even think like that. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to walk away from injecting heroin, nor am I sure I want to.
So yeah....I don't think the needle addiction will ever go away, even if you manage to kick the drug.
DexterMeth
Bluelighter
^For real
DexterMeth
Bluelighter
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/574677-Suboxone-Buprenorphine-Mega-Thread-and-FAQ-v13.0
http://www.suboxone.com/?s_kwcid=TC|7630|subuxone||S||4390214666&gclid=CJPixpi4264CFeYERQodrzn6aA
-If the 2nd link counts as sourcing, I'll just delete it.
Thanks for those links, I have found an actual Suboxone forum in a bigger forum that's founded by an addictions doctor... who used to be addicted himself. Quite an interesting story but anyway my point is that they have an International section where people in Canada can get answers... only problem with that 2nd link is that it only gives info about doctors in the US. I've posted over there in those forums but they don't seem to get nearly the amount of traffic as BL... still waiting for an answer and it's been at least 3 days now.
As of right now the plan is to keep my appt with the methadone clinic on Weds and ask if they can dispense Sub to me instead of methadone, or if they won't do it I'll ask if he can refer me to another doctor / site which will. I've been reading up on Sub and it seems to be a better option for me... less time spent tapering, good for people with relatively lower dosage and a shorter abuse history... I've been ready to stop for a while now I was just stupid for not trying to step down before the oxy switch... I knew it was coming but did nothing about it and just took a wait-and-see approach.
Anyway thanks for the links, if anyone has some info for Canadians that would be helpful. Going to look through that Bupe megathread and see if I can't get anything from there.