Opioids The Heroin made me feel good.

[Tony Williams]

Ok I've been hitting the opiates for about 5 years, was ON bupe MT then MMT then back to bupe MT. Annnnyway when I left methadone I went upto 4mg,8mg then just16mg I went upto 24mg as it never held me - this was when I had a big tolerence (compared to today) and stayed off for a while, the doc dropped me to 16mg due to missing days and moved my pickup which pissed me off but rather than it be 4/5pm it's 7-9pm so I basically HAVE to keep going everyday. This pharmacy is a 4mi walk a day!

Anyway it's usually good, don't miss days when I need fun I swallow 'em for a few days and back to bangin' n back on bupe - only this time I was dosing I never really went back I think I just was on/off *swallowing subs* n banging dope andthis was about a month maybe? so I overstayed - other than that stimulent use (ethylphenadate/ritalin), theres beeen gbl, pregs, benzos - yeah I'm dam useless. Anyway I said this time no faff abouts I want something in life, decorate this place and MOTIVATE, I've still somehow money but boy I've wasted aload of it also constipation issues have me feeling like a typical chav female poppin' one out a week so this lead me to stick to he bupe this time problems.

So I buy like 10 subs too due to my bed days lately. and stick with my 16mg/script - some days it's been +8mg ontop and I did sorta latch on, anyway the past week I've felt crappy and just down, like unmotivated at all and inturn more drugs. So where now? well last night was forcing myself to do drugs to feel better (stims and stayed up which stupidly is the norm) so today, well this morning I buy 5 bags of gear, no veins - fuck it, off snaps the needle end and I *CENSORED* what I did but the other 3 I snorted, anyway I felt no high which I would of guessed but MOTIVATED, I got a shower (CBA to get one), was gunna go out too cleaned my frigging room a bit, so for the record today I have NOT used ANY bupe and I did like 8mg yesterday so I guess it worked through the blockade effect since it's 8mg and not 16mg. Plus I never slept last night, I just decided to stay up on Ethylphenadate.

Now I am left wondering what now? I am going up later to do my 16mg, if I went now???? I would walk there whoch I don't normally. I think if I do go I will just stick with 8mg and use small amounts of gear #3 which I'll have to learn to smoke lulz.

Could this be depression? actually I remember now taking 2 SJWorts yesterday as I just felt quite crap, sweating bored - would ssris/snris help?

I do really wanna stablise on bupe oh and I would of been 5 days clean off Heroin although I did a 3bag shot the other night. Sorta really left confused should I dose LESS bupe tonight (8mg) and see fi I get more pins and sortajust buy single bags and wean off the gear like that? I have up on repairing yourself with exercise etc but I just have no desire too normally which why I am thinking to halve/halve it.

Is it possible that bupe doesn't take away part of the wd and due to my stupid habit I still get a chunk?

Funny thing is I didn't crave it that much, the heroin

I know stim use isnt smart as comedown and fulltime gear but I am trying to cram everything in now while I feel motivate.

Will keep this as log thingy.

Ok it may be possible that my stimulated feeling came from Saint Johns Wort which I popped 2 of (so = 1g) when normally the few uses were 1. Right now did SJW 10m ago and 2hr to dose my bupe. SO real q is are SJW/antidps good for tapering or stablising on opiates? anyone done this?