Hi, newbie here with some problems and questions, been lurking mostly but i want to hear your advice on some things, but first i thought i could share the story of how this winter fucked my life up a bit.
It all started in late August. I was at a music festival with my friends, been drinking and tripping on 2C-B, which at the time was my favorite party drug, or, MDMA was, but it was not available at the time, and the 2C-B was abundant. Two days into the festival, and i still hadn't slept. I have some problems with getting sleep in new places, and on top of that, i was drunk as shit. Getting sleepy, but still not wanting to miss the rest of the evening, i asked a good friend of mine if he would let me try speed. He wasn't too excited about it, he knows what speed can do to you, but i pulled the "i'm a big boy, i don't want it to get fucked up, i just want to stay awake", so he complied. We went to my tent and measured up 100-150 mg in a drop, and half an hour later i was feeling it pretty good. The effect was so different from most other drugs i had tried, just clean, enjoyable concentration. I met up with another friend who has a history of speed abuse, and told him how i could see why people liked it. He grinned and told me too leave it be at that. I spent the rest of the evening enjoying the effect, just savoring the high. Next day, i went home and fell asleep.
I had told myself that i wouldn't do it again, because i have always been wary of stimulants and other habit forming chemicals, up to that point mostly endulging i psychadelics and cannabis. The cannabis had made me develop anxiety though, so i had stopped that habit spring the same year. It really made my life better quitting, and the summer had been one of mdma crystals and raves with good friends.
However, as the days was getting shorter, and the magic slowly disappering from my mdma trips, i looked for something else, and perhaps a month or two later, i tried it again, being drunk and wanting a stimulant. Normally i would have done mdma, but i was planning on doing that the day after at a psy trance concert. So speed it was. This time i snorted it, and this speed was much better, by far. The rest of the evening was spent walking the city, tripping on 2c-b, and hanging out with friends. Nice evening. I loved the confidence and the stimulation, and it was a special occasion, so why not.
A couple of weeks, october i think, i got a good deal on some amphetamine, and who can say no to a good deal? not me, and soon, i was doing it every week, starting at friday, going to bed on sunday. I did a lot, maybe 3-4 grams in these sessions. so i did that each weekend from november up the start of april.
This wasn't a good direction, but there was probably some denial, thinking "i can control this, i'm just partying with my friends!". I did have a great time, and i said: Never in the week.
Things took a bad turn january though, when i got introduced to a bitch called cocaine. In the beginning, i underestimated cocaine, i didn't do as much for me as speed, and it was expensive. It was more of a thing to do when bored, or as a pre-text to amphetamine. And i think thats why it became a problem. Rapidly i was liking it more and more: doing it in the weekdays, doing it in the weekend. At one point i snorted 3 grams in one night, not seeing the bad sides because of me having xanax so available. This continued, and from january up to april i did perhaps 50-60 grams in total, most of it in the weekends. Then came a party that gave me a little insight.
It was perhaps the hardest weekend of partying up to then: i started with 200 mg mdma, first time again since january, with cocaine before and after. Amphetamine was of course on the diet as well, and saturday and sunday the same. i think i did 8 grams of coke, and was wired on amphetamine the whole time as well. i smoked the last of the cocaine, i had tried a couple of times before, didn't work that well, but i got showed how to do it sunday morning, and enjoyed it to say the least. But later that night i got the most terrible crash i have ever experienced. My brain was so depleted of dopamine, i couldn't speak, i hyperventilated and started crying at random. Thank god my friends was there, suicide seemed like a valid option. It was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. I luckily got hold of some benzos, which calmed me down, and let me get sleep. I was destroyed a whole week after that. The week after that, i skipped the cocaine.
Things continued for a coupe of more weeks, until i was busted by the police with a bunch of different psychadelics and stimulants, and a couple of thousand in cash. sitting in the holding cell was hell, and it got worse when i found out the police had been at my mothers house, looking for drugs. They didn't find much, but i decided then and there that i would quit drugs, especially stimulants, for the trouble it brought her. It's been a couple of weeks, three in total. the first week i failed, and did cocaine. Then i managed to go two weeks without any use, up to last night, when i did some speed with two of my friends. I didn't do that much, and have slept, but i feel like shit for not being able to just turn it down.
Thats about it, i'm still waiting for my sentence in the case, and trying to get totally clean, and get some work done. But there are so many temptations, and i wondered if anyone had some pointers on how i could make the transition to a sober life more easily?
Much love...
It all started in late August. I was at a music festival with my friends, been drinking and tripping on 2C-B, which at the time was my favorite party drug, or, MDMA was, but it was not available at the time, and the 2C-B was abundant. Two days into the festival, and i still hadn't slept. I have some problems with getting sleep in new places, and on top of that, i was drunk as shit. Getting sleepy, but still not wanting to miss the rest of the evening, i asked a good friend of mine if he would let me try speed. He wasn't too excited about it, he knows what speed can do to you, but i pulled the "i'm a big boy, i don't want it to get fucked up, i just want to stay awake", so he complied. We went to my tent and measured up 100-150 mg in a drop, and half an hour later i was feeling it pretty good. The effect was so different from most other drugs i had tried, just clean, enjoyable concentration. I met up with another friend who has a history of speed abuse, and told him how i could see why people liked it. He grinned and told me too leave it be at that. I spent the rest of the evening enjoying the effect, just savoring the high. Next day, i went home and fell asleep.
I had told myself that i wouldn't do it again, because i have always been wary of stimulants and other habit forming chemicals, up to that point mostly endulging i psychadelics and cannabis. The cannabis had made me develop anxiety though, so i had stopped that habit spring the same year. It really made my life better quitting, and the summer had been one of mdma crystals and raves with good friends.
However, as the days was getting shorter, and the magic slowly disappering from my mdma trips, i looked for something else, and perhaps a month or two later, i tried it again, being drunk and wanting a stimulant. Normally i would have done mdma, but i was planning on doing that the day after at a psy trance concert. So speed it was. This time i snorted it, and this speed was much better, by far. The rest of the evening was spent walking the city, tripping on 2c-b, and hanging out with friends. Nice evening. I loved the confidence and the stimulation, and it was a special occasion, so why not.
A couple of weeks, october i think, i got a good deal on some amphetamine, and who can say no to a good deal? not me, and soon, i was doing it every week, starting at friday, going to bed on sunday. I did a lot, maybe 3-4 grams in these sessions. so i did that each weekend from november up the start of april.
This wasn't a good direction, but there was probably some denial, thinking "i can control this, i'm just partying with my friends!". I did have a great time, and i said: Never in the week.
Things took a bad turn january though, when i got introduced to a bitch called cocaine. In the beginning, i underestimated cocaine, i didn't do as much for me as speed, and it was expensive. It was more of a thing to do when bored, or as a pre-text to amphetamine. And i think thats why it became a problem. Rapidly i was liking it more and more: doing it in the weekdays, doing it in the weekend. At one point i snorted 3 grams in one night, not seeing the bad sides because of me having xanax so available. This continued, and from january up to april i did perhaps 50-60 grams in total, most of it in the weekends. Then came a party that gave me a little insight.
It was perhaps the hardest weekend of partying up to then: i started with 200 mg mdma, first time again since january, with cocaine before and after. Amphetamine was of course on the diet as well, and saturday and sunday the same. i think i did 8 grams of coke, and was wired on amphetamine the whole time as well. i smoked the last of the cocaine, i had tried a couple of times before, didn't work that well, but i got showed how to do it sunday morning, and enjoyed it to say the least. But later that night i got the most terrible crash i have ever experienced. My brain was so depleted of dopamine, i couldn't speak, i hyperventilated and started crying at random. Thank god my friends was there, suicide seemed like a valid option. It was probably one of the worst experiences of my life. I luckily got hold of some benzos, which calmed me down, and let me get sleep. I was destroyed a whole week after that. The week after that, i skipped the cocaine.
Things continued for a coupe of more weeks, until i was busted by the police with a bunch of different psychadelics and stimulants, and a couple of thousand in cash. sitting in the holding cell was hell, and it got worse when i found out the police had been at my mothers house, looking for drugs. They didn't find much, but i decided then and there that i would quit drugs, especially stimulants, for the trouble it brought her. It's been a couple of weeks, three in total. the first week i failed, and did cocaine. Then i managed to go two weeks without any use, up to last night, when i did some speed with two of my friends. I didn't do that much, and have slept, but i feel like shit for not being able to just turn it down.
Thats about it, i'm still waiting for my sentence in the case, and trying to get totally clean, and get some work done. But there are so many temptations, and i wondered if anyone had some pointers on how i could make the transition to a sober life more easily?
Much love...
