Gbl advice
Hi all, new member, just joined to ask for some advice on my relationship with gbl.
Has been my drug of choice since mid-2009. Use was only at weekends until my move from the UK to a certain city on the continent earlier this year. Of course I took the opportunity to obtain door to door service at 1l a time (sometimes feel like this is the drug we've all been waiting for, it must be utopia)...the reason for my move was to change my lifestyle from 9-5 soul destruction to utter freedom...which worked. Now with minimum working hours, a truly indulgent array of clubs and music, and a fuck load of g, my lifestyle has changed in other ways. I've been averaging around 50mls a week, sometimes 7 days a week but sometimes only fri-mon. Dose between 1.3 and 2.4 (usually 1.8-2). Stopped dosing during the nights but will take before bed after partying...usually solely down to efficacy of obtaining sleep after amphetmines (plus great excuse to take my dose up to 2.5- perfectly safe to turn myself into a wild animal in the confines of my own bed- especially if not alone as we all know, thank you g

). When I have stopped for a few days I have trouble sleeping, and ringing in the ears when I'm near an electrical appliance (including trams), but nothing that I would describe as withdrawal symptoms such as I have read here. Plus I was not dosing 24/7.
I didn't feel like a had a problem, but now I am wondering. I have lost control in clubs a few times now and been thrown out, which gets more extreme each time. A month ago I remember running about the place shouting "fuck", for about 15 minutes until they caught me...5 people held me down (I'm only 8 stone) and I'm pretty sure they injected me but cannot be certain. Woke up 3 hours later on a drip, bruises everywhere, a lot of heart monitors stuck to me. What happened was a mistake with timing (was also on speed, mdma, k, mephedrone but not down to mixing). However this morning this happened again and it was not timing. I'd had 2mls around 1 hour before (and a few 1.5-1.8 doses during the previous 8 hours), then had another ml, and then I can't remember anything after 5 mins until 3 hours later. Never had such an extreme reaction from 1ml (interestingly I got a new batch in not long before hospital experience). So when I came to I was being sick in a park, my poor friend had managed to persuade the security to not call the ambulance (thank fuck as I have no insurance...really don't want bill number 2) but she describes it as a traumatic situation, during which I had bitten her repeatedly, had been shouting "fuck" at such a volume as to have beaten the speakers, and was turning round in in circles on the ground like something from the exorcist. She says it was obvious that I couldn't hear or understand her, I was basically like an animal.
Ok so what I want from g is the state just before this unfortunate one takes over. Music and dancing, need I say more. It also gives me incredible social freedom and allows me to interact with more people (although of course when they see me in above state they bid me farewell!). Big fan of home use also... and can find it gives me an immense emotional release when needed.
G is the latest in a 10 or so year pattern of "drug of choice"...k would still be it if its sources were more reliable and durable. So now I'm wondering if this one might be the last, i.e. is this going to kill me? What can I replace it with? Also have long-standing mental illness issues, and on-off contact with psyshologists, predominantly paranoia and psychosis peaking with aural hallucinations (yes interesting issue with drug use and mental illness, chicken or the egg blabla, but not one I wish to discuss here please...have tried anti-psychotics, how horrendous I couldn't get even get out of bed). Psychosis is the only thing I was confirmed with, because I have such a degree of reflection over my delusions as being perhaps not real, that they cannot class me as having a complete break with reality (i.e. schizophrenia). So drug use is partly self meds, especially k...but I will also readily take acid for example which I know has a big mental risk for me- I sort of regard it as a challenge, and even if I do have a bad trip I feel like I was stronger to deal with it than last time, and that I'm mentally advancing. Silly me!

What I am trying to say is that it is highly unlikely that I will stop regular usage...but do I continue with g? Try and replace it? G on the other hand seems to totally kill paranoia and induce the opposite...which makes me think it is a pretty good choice for me. However I'm wondering if my recent accidents mean that a) frequency of these situations makes reoccurence more likely, perhaps the heart is more strained and therefore b) my heart is becoming less able to cope with it. Plus I cannot expect my friend (or anyone else) to continue to want to spend time with me if this is what they're faced with.
Thank you for reading my post and I look forward to hearing your opinions...