Hi Swedger77!
That is a good question & its one that i ask myself many times! I reckon my case is a little unusual, most people start using gear when they are very young, before they realize how much it can mess up their whole life. I am 39 years old now, i was nearly 30 when i started using heroin, you would think at 30 years of age that i would have had more sense, but i fell for heroin hook line & sinker........
I was always very fond of my drink & drugs! From the age of 15 i smoked hash & drank, then i got into acid, in the late 80's i got into the whole rave scene, they were great days, by then i was taking E's, speed, K, coke, the lot! But it was only ever a weekend thing, although the weekends often started on a Thursday & ended on a Monday night!
So i always enjoyed my drugs, but none of my mates went near heroin, even though they themselves used all the same drugs as me they always looked down on people who used gear. But on 3 different occasions at at 3 different parties over the space of about 10 years i ended up in the company of people smoking gear, so i smoked some & i really REALLY liked it........
When the E's went bad & the rave scene started to die down i went back to drinking mainly, if drugs were there i would take them, but drink was becoming a big thing in my life. I come from what looks like a very respectable family to the outside world, we had a lovely house, 2 cars & 2 sun holidays a year, but i actually had a very messed up childhood. As i got older the memories of what had happened to me when i was a child came back to hunt me more & more. My way of dealing with this was to drink more & more! But drink is a depressant, so it was making me worse & my head was in a very bad place, i felt like i was having a break down of some sort.
To cut a way too long story short, i was living in a flat & new people moved into the flat downstairs from me, they were the same age as me & we quickly became good friends. They were heroin addicts, i was a little shocked when i first discovered this as they were not the stereo typical 'junkies' that were hear about. They were good people. I used to go down to their flat for a drink & a chat, slowly i started smoking the odd line when i was with them.
At first the gear made me really sick when i smoked it, but i liked the buzz. Because i was going through a bad time in my life i would often get drink- talk on & on about my problems - & then start crying. But when i smoked gear i found that i didn't need to drink at all & i would totally forget about my problems, i could just enjoy a night with friends & i could totally 100% forget about all my worries.....
I always swore that i would never let my self get hooked, it was just going to smoke the odd weekend, but it just sneaks in, especially when you have neighbors so close by that always have gear. I found myself popping in to their flat more & more regularly to chip in a few quid to buy a bag of gear. The thing i liked about heroin is that i could always function totally normal after i smoked it. Unlike drink were i would get drunk, with gear i could have a smoke & then go on with my daily routine as normal, no one would notice that i had smoked gear, but inside i felt so much better, i forgot about all my problems & i always had a strong happy euphoric felling, now who wouldn't like to feel like that all the time......
& the rest is history, with-in a year i was using daily, without gear i would be as sick as hell, my whole life revolved around scoring & using. Dealers can leaving you waiting hours, which can be a problem when your trying to hold down a job. My addiction is a big secret, my family don't know anything about it, (i only talk to my mother anyway, i don't see or talk to the others) i have always worked & no one in work knows about it. I never told my mates, but a lot of them guessed coz i was spending less & less time with my mates & more time with my neighbors! My boyfriend & i both use, we have lived together for years & we both started using at the same time with the same neighbors!
Heroin has helped me through the last few years, without it i was heading for a break down & i was becoming a drunk. But i do wish that i had never tried it, we spend thousands & thousands of €uro on it every year, it totally takes over your whole life. I miss my mates, i don't blame them for walking away. Half of me wants to stay clean when the drought ends, but the other half of me just can't wait to use again so that i can feel happy again, & so i can go to that place that heroin brings me. My advice to people would be just not to ever try it, coz you can't miss something that you never had. Even though there has been a heroin drought for the last 6 months i still think about it & miss it every hour of ever day.............
P.S. Sorry about the long post, i didn't mean to go on so much. 8(
It took me that long! When i saw how everyone had been short & to the point about their heroin journey i felt like a bit of a spa for going on & on & on & on so much................. Hehehehe!! :D
