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The first minute of sobriety

S

stupidstupid

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 9, 2014
Messages
3
Well the title is not actualy acurate as I used 10 min ago but I am done. I have been here before, scared shitless about withdrawal. Always succumbing and caving in to the pain and going out to get more because of it. This morning when copping I got pulled over by a Narc. Three big burley Chicago undercover guys stopped me as I was sitting waiting to pick up my goods. Thankfully I didnt have anythung and after a few very scary moments that included them searching my car; they let me go.

But yeah....

I am done.

I dont have any support at home, just a bunch of name calling from the girlfriend who is sick and tired of the lies. I can't blame her but boy wish she could be someone I could talk with about this. But she isn't so I am reaching out to the board. I have been reading this almost daily for a year and refer to it each time I try and kill this monkey on my back.

So anyway, here I am, at a McDonalds with my trusty laptop and consumed with fear about what the next 72 hrs will be like.

My history is snorting heroin. I am up to about 10 bags a day. I can stand the sweating etc but the thing that is the most bothersome is the malise.I cant stand the loopieness I feel in my head when I try and stop. When I sleep and awake I literally feel like I am in another world and its horrible, I also cannot stand laying there in bed. The anxiety becomes so bad and the more I lay there the more my blood feel like it is getting stale., I don't know how else to describe it. I can literally feel all the blood in my body and it feels like dead weight.

So I am nervous already and I am only 20 minutes into this. I just want to cry. I hate heroin! I hate that I have to walk this path.

So I will be checking in often and giving everyone a full blown report as I can. When I do this I tend to disconnect from the world, laptop, phone, emails etc but this time I am going to try with everything I have to get thru this.
 
First off, congrats on deciding to take this step!
It is kinda scarey, but you need to decide if you really want it. If you dont, you will just go score, and have to start all over and discourage yourself in the process. If you really want it, you need to think it through. Its going to be more than 72 hours.

Do you have any comfort meds to support you detox?
A place to do it at?
Will your girlfriend at least help you in detoxing?

PS: I just detoxed off tooting dope too! Just got past a month!
 
You can do this..

PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki
Exercise and Mood

Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Managing depressive thinking

it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!
Here is the mindfulness thread.

just takes a little time to wander out of the tunnel and then you are free and just need to figure out how to live a peaceful life without the drugs that enslave us.
 
I'm sure it's hard not having support at home and a gf that doesn't understand that you need support. You can always come here though. Everyone here is very supportive IMO. This place has helped me a lot. I'm a few hours away from 30 days clean. I was snorting oxy's and bangin H. It's hard and it sucks but it's gets better. It will take more than 72 hours but everyone says the 3rd day is the hardest(it was for me) but after that it starts to get better every day.

Good luck and congratulations on deciding to get clean!
 
Well well another one choosing the right path to sobriety! Congratulations my friend, you absolutely made the right decision in choosing to get clean. It is not an easy path but if you are strong enough to get through all of this, you will succeed like the rest of us. Goodluck and please update us with your recovery, struggles and life changes.
 
I just slept like 24 hrs. Well not slept but laid there tossing and turning. The anxiety got so bad I had to move around but im shaking and a mess. I can hardly move a muscle right now. I'm starting to sweat now and my muscles ar so fatigued. The gf wants me to get up and go clean out my car and to do that is going to take a miracle but here I go. Just wanted to give u all an update.
 
well it became to much but very unlike me I am returning, not ashamed but ready to try again until I get it right and will continue posting. I got 2 bags just enough to take off the anxiety. Obviously not enough to get rid of the sweating or anything else. I don't understand how people can get thru this. Its awful. I don't care about the flu like symptoms like the throwing up and the sweating etc, its the mind f*&^ that gets me every time. That and the fatigue. I end up sleeping and when I wake up i have this feeling of being in another world, literally. I don't know how to move beyond that. The depression is a killer. Maybe running on the treadmill will help? I can do that right now cause the 2 bags gave me a lil energy and I might as well jump on that and take advantage of it. This is horrible!
 
first off man u have to accept that you cant just quit like this, your mindset is too fragile and ur setting urself up to fail when u go in all guns blazing thinking u can run a marathon,

i genuninely am not being horrible here, i know the feeling , you wanna get clean, ur sick of the shit, the feeling of being trapped in the world of H..

I dont know what else i can say other than is read PAWS links given by neversickanymore and write some steps down, firstly its good you want to quit, its also good you realised you couldnt do it without tbh. i dont know what sort of treatments they offer in the U.S (i guess thats where you from) for opie addicts, but i guess its pretty crap compared to the U.K..

Dont be too hard on yourself that you went out and got some H, but be aware that you are setting yourself up to fail by just going in cold turkey (some people can do it, others cannot)

I wish you the best of luck getting clean man i really do, i can see how much of an impact the withdrawls are having on you mentally so i wud be a bit hesitant to just stop like that (especially in your circumstances)

Definitely exercise will help, but whilst your withdrawing its probably gonna be hard even getting up to do something for a bit,

The only real drug i have not tried is heroin, my dad and mum were massive users (mam got off tapering with methadone linctus (oral) ) dad is still taking 160mg methadone injectables a day (though he has pain problems too which the methadone helps him with) i doubt he willl ever get off the stuff...

dont just throw the towel in cause you got 2 bags either, you can still get clean, but there are other ways of doing this than just jumping in at the deep end..
 
crimsonjunk said:
Cold turkey is a recipe for failure. Get some comfort mess. Benzos are the most helpful IMO. Followed by clonidine, weed, loperamide.
Click to expand...

I some what disagree. You have to have the right mindset to quit cold turkey and you gotta be dedicated. I quit CT from a 4 1/2 opiate opiate use. I'm over 30 days clean so far and have no plans on going back to drugs. I'll smoke again but that's never been a problem for me. But yeah it can be a recipe for disaster if you don't go into it the right way
 
Good luck.

Moments of clarity are worth any discomfort.

Just don't get wrapped up in the moment. Living in the moment is very peaceful, but its only a portion of the big picture.
 
I here that it gets better i am 9 or 10 fays clean from a fairly large daily habit(.25-.5 g's high quality down a day) of good stuff as well. removed my self from calgary to tiny town in bc of only 600 grabbed a bag of bud and any comfort meds i could get(they do help.it is very hard to do and even now i still crave itbut being in a place where i only know 1 family memeber n noone else it helps with the cravings I find as its in the back of your head that you cant even find no matter how much you want it.

muscle relaxnts, benedryl, zopliclone for sleep if u can get it, If your in canada you can get tylenol 1's otc and have two or 3 two tiems a day n keep cuttin it back will take a edge off. also Loperamide is underrated bets thing i can have in a sick time specially if u get some of it across bbb by various methods.

My main Point I guess as i am rambling now haha is get away from your souyrces and external triggers and take time to reflect on urself and do a detox with as much confort meds as possible by day 4 u rele start feelin like you will make it through. Wish anyone Luck who reads this and hope it helps in those struggle times
 
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