Stomach: almost empty. Have some Alprazolam and Clonidine in case I feel bad or too excited.
T - 1.00: I take 75mg Lyrica
T - 0.30: I take 100mg Modafinil
T - 0.00: I take 30mg Memantine with a Red Bull. Smoked 2 cigarettes.
(after coming home I read on Wikipedia that Memantine acts as a non-competitive antagonist at different neuronal nicotinic acetylcholine receptors, and a study proved that Nicotine works as a sort of agonist for Memantine, which also acts as an agonist at the dopamine receptor, improving the wakefulness with smoking)
T + 0.30: I take another 10mg Memantine. Still feeling nothing noticeable from the Memantine I think, just feeling awakened and a more social than usual from the Modafinil probably
.
T + 1.00: Ok, now I'm starting to feel weird, the same Memantine feeling I remember from before and from tiny doses of DXM. I feel like inside of my head is getting hotter; definitely something the Memantine is doing. My vision is also affected, I almost can't tell, but all my vision feels.. weird, and very often I see afterimages. I think I'm getting a little nervous and more awake than I was an hour before.
T + 1.30: I'm feeling better, my attention span has increased noticeably, I can focus much better in tasks such as reading, programming, or playing video games. I'm taking 10mg more Memantine with some Coffee.
T + 2.00: Watching pretty pictures feels different, specially where there are lots of different tones of colors, it's like all tones appears to be important. I'm enjoying this, so I'm taking 50mg Modafinil more (reaching 150mg)
T + 2.30: A very subtle mild similar sensation to Ketamine can be felt sometimes; I thought I felt nervous or with much anxiety, but in reality I'm experiencing a strong thinking process about everything around. I'll take 1mg of Alprazolam, more because of the Modafinil than the Memantine.
T + 3.00: I'm feeling great, the only problem is that there are lapses of time that I'm at loss at everything, but except that, It's like I'm processing everything around me and I can totally focus on any task. I'm taking 75mg of Lyrica just because it feels good to me.
after this, I spent 2 hours chatting very happily with some people, but when my friends went to sleep, play something, or work, I began to think about my life abruptly and realized how lonely and poor I was, it wasn't a panic attack, I had some of those before, it was a very logical conclusion of my meaningless existence.
I went to bed and watched some cartoons for kids to not worry about anything, because I was like scared, and after taking some more Lyrica, 150mg I think, and 4mg of Alprazolam, I was able to fall asleep...
but it didn't end there.
When I wake up, my brain was rebooted. Typical effect of a NMDA blocking receptor drug.
My perception of my existence was different, I wasn't enlightened or anything like that, I was aware of my situation, and the fake cloud of happiness I had been keeping in my mind to not despair was destroyed or removed.
I began to do things more responsibly the next day like a machine, and was thinking forward all the time.
So, in the end.... I think we have a VERY POTENTIAL DRUG here for self awareness, to get the ego of ours destroyed and reboot our way of thinking; I'll keep taking 10mg per day of this drug now, after a big impact (50mg was enough for me), it helps me think way more objectively and I'm self aware of myself. That in the process may be a good thing or not, I really SUFFERED that night. But it was worth it.
T - 1.00: I take 75mg Lyrica
T - 0.30: I take 100mg Modafinil
T - 0.00: I take 30mg Memantine with a Red Bull. Smoked 2 cigarettes.
(after coming home I read on Wikipedia that Memantine acts as a non-competitive antagonist at different neuronal nicotinic acetylcholine receptors, and a study proved that Nicotine works as a sort of agonist for Memantine, which also acts as an agonist at the dopamine receptor, improving the wakefulness with smoking)
T + 0.30: I take another 10mg Memantine. Still feeling nothing noticeable from the Memantine I think, just feeling awakened and a more social than usual from the Modafinil probably
.
T + 1.00: Ok, now I'm starting to feel weird, the same Memantine feeling I remember from before and from tiny doses of DXM. I feel like inside of my head is getting hotter; definitely something the Memantine is doing. My vision is also affected, I almost can't tell, but all my vision feels.. weird, and very often I see afterimages. I think I'm getting a little nervous and more awake than I was an hour before.
T + 1.30: I'm feeling better, my attention span has increased noticeably, I can focus much better in tasks such as reading, programming, or playing video games. I'm taking 10mg more Memantine with some Coffee.
T + 2.00: Watching pretty pictures feels different, specially where there are lots of different tones of colors, it's like all tones appears to be important. I'm enjoying this, so I'm taking 50mg Modafinil more (reaching 150mg)
T + 2.30: A very subtle mild similar sensation to Ketamine can be felt sometimes; I thought I felt nervous or with much anxiety, but in reality I'm experiencing a strong thinking process about everything around. I'll take 1mg of Alprazolam, more because of the Modafinil than the Memantine.
T + 3.00: I'm feeling great, the only problem is that there are lapses of time that I'm at loss at everything, but except that, It's like I'm processing everything around me and I can totally focus on any task. I'm taking 75mg of Lyrica just because it feels good to me.
after this, I spent 2 hours chatting very happily with some people, but when my friends went to sleep, play something, or work, I began to think about my life abruptly and realized how lonely and poor I was, it wasn't a panic attack, I had some of those before, it was a very logical conclusion of my meaningless existence.
I went to bed and watched some cartoons for kids to not worry about anything, because I was like scared, and after taking some more Lyrica, 150mg I think, and 4mg of Alprazolam, I was able to fall asleep...
but it didn't end there.
When I wake up, my brain was rebooted. Typical effect of a NMDA blocking receptor drug.
My perception of my existence was different, I wasn't enlightened or anything like that, I was aware of my situation, and the fake cloud of happiness I had been keeping in my mind to not despair was destroyed or removed.
I began to do things more responsibly the next day like a machine, and was thinking forward all the time.
So, in the end.... I think we have a VERY POTENTIAL DRUG here for self awareness, to get the ego of ours destroyed and reboot our way of thinking; I'll keep taking 10mg per day of this drug now, after a big impact (50mg was enough for me), it helps me think way more objectively and I'm self aware of myself. That in the process may be a good thing or not, I really SUFFERED that night. But it was worth it.
