• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

The festive blues...

Dr_Robotnik

Dr_Robotnik

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 3, 2012
Messages
513
I'm guessing I can't be the only one who feels this way. Watching everyone else all seem happy about christmas and new year and all I can think is I wish it was all over. I have no real reason I should feel like this. I have a family who cares, I have good friends, I have a nice home. It all just seems monotonous and uninteresting though. I have been doing more than my fair share of alcohol lately and did a couple of grams fishscales at the weeken, but I feel unusually empty. Angry even.

It's like everythings heightened at this time of year. Christmas has to be a success. New year should be a hood night out. I just can't chill. I feel like I have to be constantly drunk or on valium or some form of depressant to be able to just bare it.

I know thiis is a very me me type post but surely I am not the only one who can be feeling like this?
 
I've felt the same way about Christmas and the winter holiday season. I have friends and family who love me and care about me, and that is all that matters. You're not alone I have had it really bad around Christmas and I know others who get this way. I would avoid the alcohol and the fishscale whatever that is since they will not make you feel better. You'll just think you're feeling better temporarily and then you'll feel worse when they wear off. The most important thing to understand is how you are feeling now will not be forever.
 
Last edited:
You're certainly not the only one.

Everything about this time of year makes me depressed. Family, "fun", parties...etc. I feel so alone and left out. I hope one day I look at this season differently..
 
Don't worry, it'll all be over soon.. I just can't wait for it to be spring. Winter sucks.
 
There is something about the forceful cheer that we're all supposed to partake in that causes many people to get down. For me it feels like the level of 'how you're supposed to feel' goes up to an unreasonable level and even though you may not be depressed, with everyone acting extra cheerful, you feel like you are.

I had my family gathering over the weekend and noticed that after 6 years of not visiting them I am very much on the outskirts. I can't relate to my own relatives. And it just makes it worse.

Regardless of the weather (it's Summer here) this is a shitty month for anyone.
 
Its supposed to be a time of happiness and optimism for the following year but why?
1st of january 2012 I was looking forward to this year and thought to myself (shit this is gonna be a good year let's make it count). Actually that may have been a year before but these two past years have been a blur and I don't even know what I'm typing.
Fuck christmas, I'm on the highway to hell right now
 
Welcome to bluelight Dr. Robotnik. I used to Sonic as a kid, so I dig your name.

I identify w/ your post in varying ways. By the time I was a teenager I'd become jaded to the 'magic' of the holi-daze, and perhaps in a correlative way, began getting religiously loaded (no pun intended) on my birthday (Christmas eve), Christmas (Catholic family), and New Years. I think I use the holidays as an excuse to do so, or to do more so than usual, rather than rationalize it w/ heightened depression/stress. But either way it is a justification, and I fear I use it as a crutch to hobble through the added social spectacles the season presents. Whatever the case, the intensified use is further brush strokes upon the big picture of addiction in my life, and I know I can benefit from some restraint, moderation, and/or abstinence this season. While our perception and feelings about the season may differ, I think it'd behoove us both to put an effort in stymieing our drug and alcohol intake. It sounds like we both have good families who will appreciate it, and in reciprocity we may find we'll enjoy our time with them further if we're not knackered. I don't aim to be an angel; just temper it down some ;).

Best of luck to ya, and check out the <insert clever clean title>december thread if you want some support staying sober, or just tempering your use, through the holidays :)

plmar said:
1st of january 2012 I was looking forward to this year and thought to myself (shit this is gonna be a good year let's make it count).
Click to expand...

Ahhhh, I think the last time I carried this kind of sentiment into the New Year was in 2010. And it proceeded terribly. I'm pulling for 2013, however. It's taken a good couple a hit years before I could express any sort of hope for the year to come, but I'm glad I can say 'fuck Christmas' with ya, but still say I'm excited for 2013.
 
I wanted to pretend it wasn't happening this year (same sentiments I had last year) but my 83 year old mother prevailed and we are going up north to spend it with her as well as with my sister and her husband. So, ok. I adjusted for my mom. She doesn't have that many left and I want to make her happy. I had to go up in the attic to get our christmas stockings down to take with us and there they all were--all FOUR of them. But there are not four of us now.I just cried in the attic for an hour. The worst part is that Caleb loved christmas. He loved to bake cookies and he loved all the gathering of greens and decorating a tree. So everything I do now is something he and I used to like to do together. I keep thinking of all those families that just lost children at this time of year. ugh.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
I've felt the same way about Christmas and the winter holiday season. I have friends and family who love me and care about me, and that is all that matters. You're not alone I have had it really bad around Christmas and I know others who get this way. I would avoid the alcohol and the fishscale whatever that is since they will not make you feel better. You'll just think you're feeling better temporarily and then you'll feel worse when they wear off. The most important thing to understand is how you are feeling now will not be forever.
Click to expand...

Yeah. It's like it comes and goes. Today I actually feel alright, and I'm not on drugs, yet. Hopefully I'll be stoned soon. I did have to take a day off to just chill though. It's everythings so heightened and there's less room to just chill out. I work and I'm doing a degree. Aside from that at weekends I seem to be pushing it further and further each time. My family seem convinced I'm heading to becoming an alcoholic. The amount I spent on cocaine at the weekend was bad aswell, my 24 hour bender basically cost me £330.


Originally Posted by Re-distributed
There is something about the forceful cheer that we're all supposed to partake in that causes many people to get down. For me it feels like the level of 'how you're supposed to feel' goes up to an unreasonable level and even though you may not be depressed, with everyone acting extra cheerful, you feel like you are.
Click to expand...

You've described it exactly here. It's like so many people are extra cheerful yet I'm feeling the opposite. I've even bought peoples christmas presents etc, I guess that does make me a bit happy, knowing I've spent my money on some things that will make other people happy for a change. I even like the whole coming together meal, getting pissed etc. It's just all this ridiculous build up to something and overhype that makes me feel like I'm weird for not feeling it.

Originally Posted by motherofearth
I identify w/ your post in varying ways. By the time I was a teenager I'd become jaded to the 'magic' of the holi-daze, and perhaps in a correlative way, began getting religiously loaded (no pun intended) on my birthday (Christmas eve), Christmas (Catholic family), and New Years. I think I use the holidays as an excuse to do so, or to do more so than usual, rather than rationalize it w/ heightened depression/stress. But either way it is a justification, and I fear I use it as a crutch to hobble through the added social spectacles the season presents. Whatever the case, the intensified use is further brush strokes upon the big picture of addiction in my life, and I know I can benefit from some restraint, moderation, and/or abstinence this season. While our perception and feelings about the season may differ, I think it'd behoove us both to put an effort in stymieing our drug and alcohol intake. It sounds like we both have good families who will appreciate it, and in reciprocity we may find we'll enjoy our time with them further if we're not knackered. I don't aim to be an angel; just temper it down some .
Click to expand...

I can totally relate to this aswell. As soon as someone even mentions Christmas or the festive season I'm straight away thinking cocaine and copious amounts of alcohol. Benzos where possible too, but then I end up buying stupid things online etc and they definately don't help my drunken antics either. I'm not addicted to any one drug in particular but I am very much addicted to thinking about drugs and getting fucked up on something, the way I consume things could be seen as a step further than 'just a bit of fun' aswell. Drug taking is serious business I guess.

With New Year it's even worse. The past 2 or 3 have been ok, but it's made out to be like 'the best night of the year', and it's just not, ever. Christmas I can at least enjoy spending some time with family and it being on good terms. New year half the time the party ends up being not that good, the drugs are lacking or some other argument etc that just sours the whole thing. 1st Jan 2013 is just another day really, it's in your own mindset whether your going to make that day better than the previous one.
 
Shit. I wish my family would invite me to Christmas. I let them down so many times that they given up on me. They don't even call me to see if i am alive. I am trying to clean up, but this time of year is super depressing. All the family is having a blast except me. I am homeless, junky trying to stay on methadone and not end back in jail. I got to hustle just to make enough money for my dose, so i don't get sick and do something risky to make dope money, even though what i do to make methadone money isnt quite kosher. Fuck dude. Holidays suck, they just make you look at how fucked up everything is. Anyways, what i always believe in is being good is going to be up to me and hopefully someday i will get invited back to Christmas with the family. I miss them a lot. You just don't know what you have until it's all gone. Sorry to go on a rant, just depressed and pissed off about what i keep doing to myself. Merry fuckin Christmas.
 
Sounds like your in a dark place mate. Just try and get through it, prove to everyone that you can do it and regain their respect.
 
The only thing that brightened my mood was free shipping. Only about 4 more days and then it'll be over... I hate the holiday season so much, it just reminds me of how alone I am.
 
I hear you guys. Totally.

Having to spend 4 days or so back home with my insane mother, who has serious rage and depression which she is is STILL in utter denial over, and the rest of my crazy family at Christmas is bad enough.

But the post fucking up (or some greedy customs officer stealing them) and my lorazepam not having arrived means I might even have to endure some of those four days in a sober state.

On the other hand though, the ritalin showed up so I think I'm just going to be have a nightmare but really fast.

Happy fucking Christmas to all you fellow Bluelighters.... and just remember: in a hundred years' time who's going to care? Love from David x
 
I seriously hate this BS! It makes me feel so much more alone and depressed.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top