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The feeling of using after a long break

U

unsui

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 22, 2007
Messages
582
i feel so much damn anxiety right now with a gram of black tar and 10 needles sitting in front of me. it's been way too long (6 months to be exact), and my heart and stomach are churning preparing this shot. i wonder if i'll hit or miss. any of you relate to this feeling after a long break?
 
hell no! i only live down in so cal for the summer and winter breaks. i am going to school up in chico and live about 3 hrs away from the bay. so i got to go down there to cop. luckily i have a good legit friend/connect down in SF and that wasn't necessary to go down there. just had to wait here if ya catch my drift. fuck the santa ana dope! killed my friend jan 13, 2009 RIP ryan james... but yeah have you been copping from there lately? my old connect got popped there twice, so watch out brother.

just slammed .1 and it didn't do much. slight rush, and a sting in my wrist (shot near my elbow). weird shit. maybe my veins are still collapsed?
 
^^^ nah I don't cop in santa ana unless its like a last resort type thing because unless you have a number, the dope in the open air is shitty. Even though periodically they will have some straight fire.
 
I know what you mean about getting anxious its really overwhelming. For instance if I'm picking up in the early afternoon i wake up earlier than normal because I can't sleep and then I can barely eat breakfast if at all. As far as the heart my heart def races on my drive over to go get it and the feeling in my stomach gets more intense.
 
yeah i remember i used to have a few numbers and just deal with those guys down there. but then i ended up going down there to jack em and just so happens the guy who's number i have is 1 of the 8 that approach my car. tried to disguise myself a little because they fer sure knew me. it was moreso to jack them so i wouldn't go back down there anymore (therefore i wouldn't have a hook, which didn't work haha - ended up just having to drive further to the LBC). he tried to charge me a lot for 10g and then i talked it down after he knew i knew how to do math haha, but then i said i had to go to the bank and get the rest of the money and asked to see the dope and he dropped 8 bags (5.4g) down in my hand and i said alright lemme get the money for this, looked down, and then punched the gas driving off and making a left turn out of there with this guy holding onto my car by the cracked window. the light at standard was turning yellow to turn left and i floored it going about 40mph only to hear him fall off in the middle of the busy intersection! crazy shit. of course he called me and told me "187 mo fucka, next time i see you"

i ended up not going back down there for a year or 9 months. then it was all on foot when i went back down there for the next year scoring. that was my main spot to cop.

overall, i'm dissapointed with how high i am NOT. i thought my tolerance would be back down, but i just slammed a lil less than what i used to and nada except for an itchy nose and a slight body high.

my bad, i didn't know this would belong in another forum. feel free to move it if you'd like. and for the person that doesn't care, you obviously care enough to post about it. ignore this thread then, pretty simple.
 
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no no, its in the right forum, just the title made it seem like more of a thread about just you rather than a thread where everyone could jump in.
 
good deal. thanks. well my first shot feeling pretty anxious and shakey ended up in a miss i guess even though i had drew back blood everytime i checked to see if i was still in. fucked up, damn...

now the 2nd shot went in, but i'm still not even high! the anxiety is fer sure gone though. i feel like i can now do my homework that i've been procrastinating with! got lots of reading. maybe i'll try another shot without any anxiety...would Buspar help reduce my shakiness/anxiety before a shot? i used to do this with benzos, but i don't use anymore.
 
Probably not, in my exp Buspar doesn't do shit.

More heroin though...
 
Once again, this isnt the lounge. Cut it out or ill have to start handing out warnings and infractions. This goes for everyone -thizzer
 
Yeah, I know the feeling - -like if I take a few weeks off and then get ready for smoke my first huge hit of crack I am all shaking with the lighter thinking I'll burn myself instead of the crack. Yeah - - it is always wild after a break.
 
id feel like that after a break from meth. thoughts would run through my head "youve done so well, do you really need this?" "what if you dont stop at all this time?" "will it be as good as it was before you needed a break? are you getting enough for that? maybe ill get more than i asked for, i better get more money..."

It's usually all a-ok. But thoughts like that and "butterflies" right before I shoot/smoke/snort after a break always happened.
 
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