“Interview with the Vampire” (1994) is a movie that I think most Bluelighters ought to be able to appreciate, even though it has nothing to do with drugs. There is one scene in particular that illustrates my point. After Kirsten Dunst’s character (Claudia) was turned, she proceeded to take her first swig of blood. After she finished, she sat up with a wry grin on her face and said, “I want some more”.
I can relate. Once you taste ice cream you want half a gallon.
I identify with and feel most at home in the drug culture. I am not, however, an addict. Drugs are a part of my life, but only one part. I try to fill my time with other pleasures – reading, writing, stroking the cat, chocolate, beer. I try to make the world just a tiny bit better than it was yesterday. For me, finding the simple pleasures is challenging since, generally speaking, I don’t get a lot of enjoyment out of life. Some days it’s hard to resist the urge to use. But I must. I will not take a great thing and ruin it by abusing it.
I have a tendency towards melancholy but I can pretty much guarantee that using my DOC will snap me out of it. But that’s exactly the problem. If I decide to use because I’ve had a bad day at work, or my anxiety level is getting too high, or life is just more than I can bear, then using the next time I find myself in that situation becomes so much easier. It becomes the new normal. This is the path from casual use to addiction – the one-way street of the dose-increase cycle. Tolerance ensures that going back to the previous routine becomes pointless.
The day may come when my willpower is broken, I lose my self-control and I will cross the Rubicon into full-blown addiction. But that day is not today. Today I will be thankful for this gift the gods have given us, I will respect it, I will not give into the urge for instant gratification. Today, at least. But whether you are a user or not, life is best lived one day at a time.
I can relate. Once you taste ice cream you want half a gallon.
I identify with and feel most at home in the drug culture. I am not, however, an addict. Drugs are a part of my life, but only one part. I try to fill my time with other pleasures – reading, writing, stroking the cat, chocolate, beer. I try to make the world just a tiny bit better than it was yesterday. For me, finding the simple pleasures is challenging since, generally speaking, I don’t get a lot of enjoyment out of life. Some days it’s hard to resist the urge to use. But I must. I will not take a great thing and ruin it by abusing it.
I have a tendency towards melancholy but I can pretty much guarantee that using my DOC will snap me out of it. But that’s exactly the problem. If I decide to use because I’ve had a bad day at work, or my anxiety level is getting too high, or life is just more than I can bear, then using the next time I find myself in that situation becomes so much easier. It becomes the new normal. This is the path from casual use to addiction – the one-way street of the dose-increase cycle. Tolerance ensures that going back to the previous routine becomes pointless.
The day may come when my willpower is broken, I lose my self-control and I will cross the Rubicon into full-blown addiction. But that day is not today. Today I will be thankful for this gift the gods have given us, I will respect it, I will not give into the urge for instant gratification. Today, at least. But whether you are a user or not, life is best lived one day at a time.