the end of struggles, the end of life...

[BLULITER LackofMorality]

Hold me inside of your iris
Like a terminal stain of life
Forgive my primal brain
And twist me like a knife
Can’t explain all that’s restrained
Run poetic mazes in labyrinth plains
But I’ll think I’ll stop for today….
And start planning my epitaph
and what blankness it will portray
For every day is another tribunal to sit through
Run, walk, stumble, crawl, fall today…
Stand before you as the guilty, yet a victim
As all your systems rot
Tear the flesh from my chest
Allow you to have a clearer shot
End up a broken man… half of everything I once claimed to be
Left to park benches talking to myself
With pigeons and bums, my only company
Wipe my Xeroxed hands on anything in reach
No use for napkins and soap…I know I’ll never come clean
Shaking at night as nerves begin to grow
When every muscle hurts.. for pushing too hard too long
Yet never beating a a solitary foe
Just grow old and forgotten…
Diaries will be all that’s left
With my traditional cryptic entries
on pages blind and deaf
My arms outstretched, giving thanks to pain
Remembering the spotlight once looking down
When all that’s left is suffering and shame
Kneeling down with my forehead on the ground
Just one last flinch before I’m chalked and found
Sick of this perpetual déjà vu
Can’t even remember if I served a purpose
Or if I just purposely served
All those times I waded in bloody pools
With my hand on a big black book
And all the equivalent with my middle finger aimed at the sky
I’ve drank too much and said too little
The hour has come to die…
I found all my crystals were murky
They never shined like prisms
No matter how hard you looked there were distortions
Looking through glass filled with jism
No more forgiveness, no more salvation
Rid my life of any rehabilitation
Shed the coil so the a mini obelisk can stand in its place
Vomit up what’s left in me of this world…smashing mirrors
For I no longer wish to see my own face
No longer someone left to worry…
Where I can get annoyed and avoid their calls…
The fools got a hint…and now my day has come to fall
[ 17 October 2002: Message edited by: BLULITER LackofMorality ]

 

[BLULITER LackofMorality]

bumping i just wanna know someone's thoughts on this..

 

[E-girl]

And start planning my epitaph
and what blankness it will portray
you write with so much emotion that it breaks my heart to read it. I can't help but feel sad for you, even though i dont know the whole story, i dont know you personally... and sometimes i admit i read into things the wrong way. but this piece just bleeds sadness to me, a feeling of emptiness, like you dont think very highly of yourself (and again, i could be wrong). I encourage you to read "The Awakening"... i posted the link at the top of this forum. My friend Edoky, a fellow BLer, shared it with me once and was nice enough to repost it here. It's the most inspirational and motivational thing I ever read. He said to me "I take something different out of it every single time I read it." and since then, so have i. take the time to read it, really. you will take at least SOMETHING out of it.
Your words, melancholy as i found them, were still very beautiful. thanks for sharing.

 

[BLULITER LackofMorality]

thanks ...much appreciated.