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The early stages of addiction

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Poppy-jay

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 31, 2016
Messages
47
Hey all,

I am a recovering benzo and opiate addict myself and am now of the nasty shit ( including any dopamine and serotonin releasing/re-up taking stimulants )

But have a friend who was present throughout all of my addiction. He saw me go from a once a month raver to a every weekend mephedrone user to a full blown benzo addict.

I remember in the early stages of my drug use when a problem was clearly evolving he would talk to me and tell me it's getting worse and that I would eventually lose everything. I didn't disagree with him, I just chose to ignor these facts so I could still have a good time ( well, what I thought was "good")

He never really use to use drugs. O ku booze and weed. Then when mephedrone became illegal he started to use that on occasion.
The occasion then turned into weekend use, then full weekend use.
And then a few nights before work ( once his wife went to bed )
He would only really use mephedrone u till his source could no longer get it. Now he will buy literary any research chemical(s) and consume these without even looking up dosages - even mixing not very well known compounds together.
He has regular arguments with his wife recently. He's finding work extremely stressful. Fails to get allot
Of things done.

And 3 mo this ago his wife went away for work - so he had a full 3 months to himself, and as allot of will know, this seems perfect for a binge. So that's what he done.
When going round to see him, there are holes in his walls where he has punched them with anger.

I have shared what I thought was happening to him about 6 months ago, but he almost had a go at me saying "you have some front saying I'm developing an addiction!"

Also stating that he is to strong willed to ever be an addict.

And when he hasn't used drugs for a week he sees this as a sign he isn't addicted to drugs. And thinks another weekend bender is fine.

He is now out of money and is really wanting to order one last batch of what ever from an online vender before this UK ban comes in.

I am worried. Because I did lose allot in my life - including my mind at one stage.

He has a good paying job, and a wife he has been in a relationship since he was 17.

I don't know how to approach the situation, and I'm not sure he will ever be able to accept that drugs - no matter who you are can take control without even you realising.

He wife comes back next week and I really think she's going to be in a shock.

Any ideas on how I could approach this situation please?
 
i think all you can really do is to talk to him when you see the red flags and let him know you are concerned about his wellbeing. (which i think you did already?)

does his wife know? or is it his secret from her?

"too strong willed to ever be an addict" yep, i think everyone that is addicted to drugs used to believe that one.

in the end its pretty much up to him what he does with his life, not much gets through to people in self-destruct mode, as you yourself know i guess. hope and pray that he has a wake up call and faces what he's escaping.
 
Thanks for the reply.

wife knows he uses drugs, but thinks it's just at raves or the occasion one night at the weekend. He would normally wait for her to go to bed, or be high round her and try to act normal.

And yes, I did try to show my concern but he does seem to think that because I'm an addict I shouldn't be able to tell someone I'm concerned. I think he sees it as an insult that someone "like" me could tell someone there an addict or are developing a problem.
When I think someone who's been through it is going to notice the signs much easier!

I'll do what you suggested and wait for the next red flag.
Then I will ask him to come out for a chat and get him to remember what it was like seeing me go that way and how I used to rationalise my drug use and use the same excuses he is now.

Thanks again!
 
Sometimes people dont change until they hit the bottom of the rabbit hole, and even then they might not change. If you brought up your concern to him and he refuses to do anything about it, you might just have to let it run its course, until he has that moment of realization.


- Hopeless Soul
 
You mentioned that you already tried to talk to him about it, and he snapped at you and said he's too strong willed tone come an addict. At this point, mentioning it him again will probably begin to negatively affect the friendship, as would mentioning it to his wife if she tells him you spoke to her. Unfortunately, he didn't seem receptive to discussing it with you. I know when I was in active addiction I would stop associating with people who tried to talk to me about my use more than once - I felt like they were judging me (regardless of whether they were or not) and felt like they were just nagging me. I didn't want to hear it, and their "nagging" depressed me and made me feel even guiltier for using. I know now they did it out of concern, but once I got sober I never reached out to them again because I feel like I ruined the friendship. I feel for you because you're in a tough situation, and your friend using is totally out of your control. He has to recognize that his use is negatively affecting his life, and he has to want to change. Nobody else can force those feelings, and if he feels pressured into changing for someone, he's going to resent that person, and odds are, relapse. You have choice, you can either continue to be his friend and be as supportive as possible and hopes he gets better, or you can try to keep talking to you and hope it doesn't drive a wedge between you two. It sucks, I know it's painful to watch him do this to himself, but you have no control over his actions. I hate to say this but you also have to watch out for your own emotional wellbeing, and try not to get sucked into his issues too deeply to where they start affecting you negatively. As for his wife, sadly, she will catch on and she will have to figure out how she will deal with it. If she approaches you I would be very careful as to what you say, and speak with the expectation that she will tell your friend what you said. If they have them in your area, it may be helpful to you to attend an ALNON meeting. The people there are in your situation and can give valuable insight. Good luck!
 
Yeah when I mentioned it he wasn't impressed.
So I think I will just leave it and just be there for him.
No one could tell me to stop. This was with being forced into detox and rehab. Obviously I relapsed hard which lasted years.
And after a couple f talks with me, he did just let me get on with it and was just there for me. Even when I was being a dick and not being sociable at all. Sometimes not even making sense.

It just hurts to see someone I've known all my life like this.
I hope he stops before he loses "everything" .
He's a really good man and would do pretty much anything for pretty much anyone.

Maybe when his wife gets home she will be freaked and it could be enough for him to see its not good.
 
it is really hard seeing someone destroy their life, but as others have said apart from try to be there and be non judgemental there's very little you can do.

it sounds like he's risking his mental and physical health, and his relationship. that is a lot for someone to own up to, even to themselves. if he'd hiding it from his wife, on some level he knows he's harming himself.

i guess his wife will find out when he gets back, hopefully she may be better able to help him. and definitely, as benzo girl said above, don't tell her yourself. once she knows though, if you know her too and she doesn't know who to turn to, i'd offer her support cos she will find it really hard. just make sure your mate knows you've done this so he doesn't think you're plotting, it'd be better if someone else could help her but i guess finding people you dare confide in about stuff like this is difficult.

its trivial in the grand scheme of things but its possible you could slyly try and mitigate some of the negative physical effects- i've never met a drug addict that ate well so maybe you could suggest getting together in restaurants with relativelyl healthy offerings or something? it sounds dumb but reckon any extra vitamins will help his body cope.
 
Nah, just the ones listed.
Ive not heard from him since the weekend and then managed to stop him taking his remaining Mandy that night.
 
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