Haha. I wouldn't say I have kept it together, not in the slightest really, had to come back to my parents cos I basically wasn't leaving my bedroom or seeing anyone or even eating in Bristol.. but I'm still here, am trying to get back on my feet - things can fall apart completely but they can be put back togther again as long as we just keep going. Fresh start in the new year
And yeah, the blaming yourself for the mental health issues, whatever they are, does tend to be part of the whole issue.. it's very hard not to but it's really important to try I think, beating yourself up when you're already down is only going to make things worse, and it's not like we'd choose to be like this.. I stopped taking my meds and fucked myself up so many times, jeopardising my career... we are only human, we fuck up. It's okay. It doesn't mean we should blame ourselves (although I know we do)
Since Dave died I have really been my own worst enemy, not letting anyone help me at all but completely failing to look after myself.. Hence being back at the parents.. but just got to keep trying ey, I've got this amazing poster on my wall in my flat that says "Hope will find you" and whenever I feel completely hopeless I try to remember that and think that yes, it will. And "this too shall pass" is another good one. In a year's time I'll be in a very different place, and so will you I am sure. As foir 10 years, or 20...
Right now if I'm qute honest I am absolutely terrified about going back to Bristol and trying to make some sort of life without Dave - I think I am coming across as a lot braver and more together than I really am, hah.. but as I said to Sammy G, just got to keep going really, there isn't an alternative. I think getting back to work will help (and I'll be financially fucked if I dont soon too) so I have something to
do with days and a sense of purpose, and trying to get back into some kind of routine and social life.. but I am terrified. Dave was my best friend as well as my boyfriend, and he got me through my periods of depression so it's pretty fucking scary having to get through this without him, and I miss him
so much. All the time. But yeah, I'm still here, I made it through the awful months of falling apart and hopefully things will get better for me, and for you, and for all of us
That's what we've got to all think, anyone with mental health issues - we've made it this far, we can keep going, and things
will improve. What we are going through makes us stronger, and it really is amazing what we can get through when we have to. One thing I would definitely say is reach out for as much help as you can get - that's the bit I have been finding really hard (never had to reach out, always had Dave there) but there are some things that are too much for us to cope with alone, and it's not a sign of weakness. It's especially hard to reach out if you blame yourself for how you are, because you feel like you aren't deserving of help, but that is not true at all. We all deserve some help if we need it.
Okay, it's 4am and I'm babbling a bit, haha. Going to try to go to sleep (again). Much

chinup, I almost fucked up my career many a time by not doing what I needed to do to sort myself out. You're not alone. But you can do it. I would definitely agree with your psychologist - it is hard when there are external pressures, but that just means we don't need extra internal ones too! Try to be kind to yourself. I'm really glad you are seeing a psychologist, I hope it is helping
I will stop hijacking the thread now, I definitely am a little! Thanks for listening EADD
