The EADD Mental Health Support Thread II

[Marmalade]

Right Psychiatrist update.

Was a shitter of a start to the day as i had to be with My Mum @ the Hospital for 7:30am cos she is having a big operation ( which btw has gone ok n i'm going to see her in a bit :D ) Also was raining pretty hard n the place where i had to go is awkward as fuk to get 2 .

So the appt . went far better than i thought tbh . Maybe having my Keyworker present helped . It was a drug review as well n he said that he wouldn't touch my Diazepam but was a bit concerned about the 15mg a night of nitrazepam i get , well he can carry on being concerned cos he ain't the one that prescribes that !!

So really it went much better than expected . I said that we had clashed last time we met n he remembered but didn't hold it against me .
Obviously a few other things were talked about but i'm not comfortable putting them in public the people i want to know will find out .

Thaning everyone for their support in this thread, cheers folks

s'good to not have this shit hanging over you now then, I bet?

Glad it went better than expected. It's one thing out of the way. Having shit you can't control hanging over you all the time gets draining, and doesn't help anxiety levels any.

 

[Bodda]

However buprenorphine is the unknown quantity here for me. I dont know how coming off that is going to affect me. I reduced to 0.25 for a few days before my final jump today.

Good luck, best wishes to you with the kick

Not being nosey but what were you using them for?
I never knew you were coming off gear, or were you just using them for pleasure?

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Id been taking RC opiods, starting with O-desmethyl Tramadol, then Poppy pods and AH7921 for a year before i started to realise it was a problem, occasionally also taking Morphine and Oxy when the opportunity arose. The next few months are a bit of a blur atm but I tried tapering off AH and couldnt do it. I started Bupe about 4 months ago. I just binged on it at first, taking 4mg chunks whenever i wanted to get high off the stuff. I abused it cos I loved it. It was a lot better than fuckin AH7921 ! I was taking 4 - 8 mg a day. After a couple of months of that i put the brakes on it, and caught myself, and have cut down to 0.225 mg.

I tried to stop today. My stomach felt so bad and i felt like Id walked a thousand miles. By 3.40 pm i couldn't take it anymore and had another 0.225. Ive only been on that dose 3-4 days maybe i need to give myself a bit longer. Also trying to quit when you still have some Bupe right infront of you that you know will make you feel better is very hard. I may need to flush/ post the remainder of my supply back to myself. I was gonna keep the last few bits for a monthly treat or something. I may need to re-think that unfortunately, given how hard Ive found it today and that Ive failed to hold out.

Ive slept most of the day, i only had 1 pregabalin and half an etiz. WTF. Feeling physically OK now the bupe has kicked in but mentally disappointed and concerned how physically hard this last jump is.

I took 1 - 2 weeks for all my other 0.5 reductions after i got down to 2mg very easily. Someone told me the final step is allways the hardest. Looks like they are so right.

Postponing my next quit attempt day until Friday. I have several appointments to attend on Thursday so that gives me a very convenient excuse to do that. As well as it may very well be true that i need longer to afjust to 0.225mg,

 

[Pagey]

escitalopram is a lifesaver. At least I think this is the escitalopram kicking in...these past few days I've suddenly been feeling fantastic, no ridiculous mood swings and everything just seems so simple again. Which is a nice change after 6 months of constant panic attacks and a year of emptiness on smack before that. I'd been really scared to get onto SSRIs considering all the horror stories but think this really might be what I needed to set myself straight again

 

[ColtDan]

Brilliant news pagey

 

[mydrugbuddy]

yes thats great, its amazing what a bit more serotonin can do for you. I think i may switch back to SSRIs at some point. Mirtazapine isnt really doing enough for me on its own.

 

[McPanda]

...

 

[knock]

Ive never felt so alone in my life as ive spent the last 2 months pretty much on my own, locked away. Most of my mates are settled now with there lady friends or have went all professional in there job roles and never make time for there friends so I dont really know where to turrn. I spoke with my Mum (shes 63) last week but its not the easiest trying to explain her 31 year old son is having what seems to be a mini breakdown. She's more interested in finding out when Im gonna have kids and get married, I dont even have a girlfriend ! The old "what's depressing you" "Ach pull yourself together you'll be fine"

See I would tend to put depression down to this situation, that I'm quite familiar with. Although I managed to get a few more years of a social life by making new friends; they're doing the same settling down routine though. I've yet to work that one out.

You're only 31. You're still a long way off your best before date.

Are you working? I don't ask because I think you should be put to hard labour but because that's what most people do during the day so is a convenient way (except for the hard labour bit) to have a social life :D I need to take my own advice, though

 

[McPanda]

See I would tend to put depression down to this situation, that I'm quite familiar with. Although I managed to get a few more years of a social life by making new friends; they're doing the same settling down routine though. I've yet to work that one out.

You're only 31. You're still a long way off your best before date.

Are you working? I don't ask because I think you should be put to hard labour but because that's what most people do during the day so is a convenient way (except for the hard labour bit) to have a social life :D I need to take my own advice, though

Yes I do but Ive been off work due to this down feeling..

 

[knock]

Workplaces obviously vary, some can provide a good social life while others, everyone fucks off home at 5. I've experienced both. How is your work in that respect, when you're there?

If you're not getting it from work then, at risk of being trite, sports and hobbies! I took up climbing, had my beginner's lesson early this year. Then my planned climbing partner has never been available. But now I've started going with people on Wednesday night. Dour cunts but it breaks up the week. It's a start.

 

[Bodda]

Id been taking RC opiods, starting with O-desmethyl Tramadol, then Poppy pods and AH7921 for a year before i started to realise it was a problem, occasionally also taking Morphine and Oxy when the opportunity arose. The next few months are a bit of a blur atm but I tried tapering off AH and couldnt do it. I started Bupe about 4 months ago. I just binged on it at first, taking 4mg chunks whenever i wanted to get high off the stuff. I abused it cos I loved it. It was a lot better than fuckin AH7921 ! I was taking 4 - 8 mg a day. After a couple of months of that i put the brakes on it, and caught myself, and have cut down to 0.225 mg.

I tried to stop today. My stomach felt so bad and i felt like Id walked a thousand miles. By 3.40 pm i couldn't take it anymore and had another 0.225. Ive only been on that dose 3-4 days maybe i need to give myself a bit longer. Also trying to quit when you still have some Bupe right infront of you that you know will make you feel better is very hard. I may need to flush/ post the remainder of my supply back to myself. I was gonna keep the last few bits for a monthly treat or something. I may need to re-think that unfortunately, given how hard Ive found it today and that Ive failed to hold out.

Ive slept most of the day, i only had 1 pregabalin and half an etiz. WTF. Feeling physically OK now the bupe has kicked in but mentally disappointed and concerned how physically hard this last jump is.

I took 1 - 2 weeks for all my other 0.5 reductions after i got down to 2mg very easily. Someone told me the final step is allways the hardest. Looks like they are so right.

Postponing my next quit attempt day until Friday. I have several appointments to attend on Thursday so that gives me a very convenient excuse to do that. As well as it may very well be true that i need longer to afjust to 0.225mg,

I've never used any RC's in that class or anything but Gear myself but I know the feeling too well, I wish you the best with your issue as sadly it's the only thing that has always beaten me every time but I am weak.

"Someone told me the final step is allways the hardest" - I find the most hard part is staying away myself, the best run I have had was 3 months but you can have a bad day where life gets you mad, next thing I know I'm on the phone for a half g & it all starts off again.

I truly feel for people with this issue in their life, it's no joke or easy task once you got a taste for it to keep away for the rest of your life.
I wish you the best with it.

 

[NightsEpiphany]

I'm shattered. I just stumbled apon a disturbing, definition of the special, cherished, little love name that my ex gave me (along with all the clothes i wore on our date 5 years ago.) Its a gay rape term!

I'm a temple not a bloody gay bar! ooh i hate that man. His bunnys days are numbered.

NSFW:

Fruit Loops[edit]
Jonathon Green, author of Cassell's Dictionary of Slang, lists several definitions for "Fruit Loops" including the loop at the back of a man's shirt collar which can be used to "hold a victim ready for buggery" (circa 1980 on college campuses), gay men[56] and an area where they hang out and cruise each other.[54] "Fruit Loop" can also refer to a cluster of gay bars, stores and businesses like Las Vegas' "Paradise Fruit Loop" just off the Las Vegas Strip.[57] A fruitloop can also refer to a person considered crazy.[8]
Fruit Loops, (also singular Fruit Loop and Fruitloops) are also Freedom Rings), a set of six rainbow-colored metal rings worn as necklaces, bracelets, etc., to symbolize gay pride or solidarity with LGBT people that were popularized in the 1990s.[54][58] For National Coming Out Day (United States held 11 October) students have made home-made versions of the "freedom rings" with actual Froot Loops cereal.[citation needed] As a fundraiser, an LGBT student group has made Rice Krispies treat using Froot Loops cereal and called them "Fruity Gay Bars".[59]

 

[Bodda]

I'm shattered. I just stumbled apon a disturbing, definition of the special, cherished, little love name that my ex gave me (along with all the clothes i wore on our date 5 years ago.) Its a gay rape term!

NSFW:

Fruit Loops[edit]
Jonathon Green, author of Cassell's Dictionary of Slang, lists several definitions for "Fruit Loops" including the loop at the back of a man's shirt collar which can be used to "hold a victim ready for buggery" (circa 1980 on college campuses), gay men[56] and an area where they hang out and cruise each other.[54] "Fruit Loop" can also refer to a cluster of gay bars, stores and businesses like Las Vegas' "Paradise Fruit Loop" just off the Las Vegas Strip.[57] A fruitloop can also refer to a person considered crazy.[8]
Fruit Loops, (also singular Fruit Loop and Fruitloops) are also Freedom Rings), a set of six rainbow-colored metal rings worn as necklaces, bracelets, etc., to symbolize gay pride or solidarity with LGBT people that were popularized in the 1990s.[54][58] For National Coming Out Day (United States held 11 October) students have made home-made versions of the "freedom rings" with actual Froot Loops cereal.[citation needed] As a fundraiser, an LGBT student group has made Rice Krispies treat using Froot Loops cereal and called them "Fruity Gay Bars".[59]

A fruitloop can also refer to a person considered crazy

 

[Sammy G]

including the loop at the back of a man's shirt collar which can be used to "hold a victim ready for buggery" (circa 1980 on college campuses)

Somebody's having a laugh there. Come on - 'circa 1980 on college campuses' 'hold a victim ready for buggery'? :D

I have to say I've only come across the term used in the same context as Bodda has.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I've never used any RC's in that class or anything but Gear myself but I know the feeling too well, I wish you the best with your issue as sadly it's the only thing that has always beaten me every time but I am weak.

"Someone told me the final step is allways the hardest" - I find the most hard part is staying away myself, the best run I have had was 3 months but you can have a bad day where life gets you mad, next thing I know I'm on the phone for a half g & it all starts off again.

I truly feel for people with this issue in their life, it's no joke or easy task once you got a taste for it to keep away for the rest of your life.
I wish you the best with it.

Thanks. I fear opiates may have to become like alcohol to ex-alcoholics in that they can never allow themselves to touch it again. The good thing is that i have no current means of obtaining any more Bupe, so thats gonna put limits on it sooner or later. I really wanted to have some left over after getting off it for occasional treats.

But the willpower and mental and physical stregth required to do that may be asking too much of myself, or anyone but the most highly disciplined and mentally strong person, which Im a long way from being. It would be such a boost to my self confidence and pride if i was to do it that way though, so Im gonna try again. I may eventually have to admit defeat and just flush the remainder of my Bupe when i finally make it through Quit day.

I dont know if its practically possible to cut the pills down any smaller than 1/8ths which is what im doing to get the .025 doses. Cutting them any smaller than that is probably just gonna end up with a pile of dust, powder, and tiny fragments. However i do think that trying 0.012 doses for a week or 2 would make the last jump a bit easier.

 

[monstanoodle]

Just found out that most / all of my good friends have all but given up on me, and I really don't see why they shouldn't.
I knew that when I opened my mouth in their presence that I wasn't even making sense - I was even paranoid about doing so, so it appears that I needn't be paranoid about it any longer. To quote a good / friend who's seen what a mess I am:

For example, in conversation you have flights of ideas and struggle to keep a reference point. You also make very peculiar associations between themes and the overall affect is you come across quite bizarre at times. I am not the only person to notice this...

While I wish to be a better person - As in understandable socially, not out of control when on Ethanol and "Be the old [name] that we used to know" - Uttered to me by many - I almo.... Infact I actually feel like if there are less / no people in my life to upset, then I can die alone and those who knew me wouldn't feel any negative thoughts when my passing comes.
Double Infact - I wish I never brought up the point of me wanting to take my own life whenever I want to others!

Fuuuuuuck! I feel horrible because I know people on BL who don't have time to squander, and / or who's lifespan is lesser than my own, but I want to have the control of when and how I wish to go when it comes to that. And I've no doubt I'm ranting barely conceivable language as it is (as ranted earlier).

I wish I could take back mentioning wanting to have the say when it comes to my existence ceasing and... FUCK this sounds horrible... I wish I never spoke of it to my close friends.
But I suppose that now there are few people who still wish to give me a proverbial spanking when it comes to the prospect, it's easier to do it when I feel the need to, even knowing it's extremely selfish.

I've ranted enough.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Formulated a new plan of action with my KW today for getting off Bupe. All the old exercise and healthy eating stuff I was doing for a while went out the window about a month ago, and Ive been eating rubbish food and not getting any excercise at all recently. So for the next ten days im gonna start incorporating lots of healthy veg into made from scratch meals, and get at least 1 hour of exercise every day; either walking or cycling every day. Gonna psuh myself hard to build up my endurance. I do believe that just ten days of this can and will make a difference, so that when i next attempt to quit bupe it hopefully wont be quite as physically hard to handle as I'll be stronger, healthier, and have more endurance. Attempting to stop whilst being a bit run down before even trying was never gonna work. Or was gonna be a lot more difficult than it might have been.

 

[Sammy G]

Sounds like the best approach you could possibly take. You'll need all the strength and resolve you can muster once you've taken that last crumb of bupe. Getting into healthy habits beforehand will make it that little bit easier when you start to feel lousy.

I could do with getting back into exercise myself. I mean, I walk a fair distance each day, but it'd be nice to do some resistance training again and regain some proper muscle tone. As well as the other benefits exercise brings.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Thanks. The only thing that could fuck it up is if i get a job offer during that time. I'll have to find some way of working round that, if that happens.

 

[Sammy G]

I wouldn't worry too much. If you do get a job then you can probably fit the bupe withdrawals around it. Get the worst of it over at the weekend and soldier on after that.

It's not exactly a walk in the park, and you'll feel like a warmed-up dog turd, but it's feasible. I managed it. Wouldn't want to do it again in a hurry, but it's not incapacitating like full-on smack withdrawal. Drawn-out, yes, but not nearly as intense.

Best of luck.