The EADD I'm Fucked Megathread v. To get drugged, or to not get drugged.

[Hangover]

Yeah 45kg isn't too light.. im 80kg and im fat as fuck, so 45kg is about average

Well goodnight, im gonna do a little more reaserch into stocks, gonna be time soon for me to start investing for real

 

[mydrugbuddy]

You got work this week MDB? bollocks to doing stims during a working week

Well there's my cue to fess up to having been sacked. And indeed i do have only myslef to blame. Too many minor incidents of arriving late, and 3 sickies (one not really my fault) i guess if you add up minor aggrevations like that and then if you fuck up something slightly more serious then you arent gonna get as much leniency you might have got otherwise. Quite annoying really, as i had begun to establish good relationships with my colleagues there, and many of them were encouraging me and telling me that was doing well. Even the guy that had been heavily on my case, told me that i was doing well, and that meant a lot, to turn that around. I was also very nearly up to the standards they required, in terms of the call details, descrption of steps taken in the fix, in more or less the required time frame. I was resolving about 95% of my calls which was a fucking excellent rate even if i say so myslef. I was shocked to discover that they dont do warnings, to give you chance to change your behaviour, presumably you are meant to already know what is expected of you, as indeed i did.

I think to some extent i was a hapless pawn and that the manager had some bigger plan afoot to demonstrate his "readiness to take quick decisive action" for the sake of his own career progression. Tbh i think i should have recived a warning rather than a sacking for what i did, but i think it'll be a pointless waste of energy to pursue that avenue. From what i gather temps get FA employment rights, and can allways be told at any time "we dont want you anymore". I cant say i wasnt warned by the members of EADD, i did try to take the advice onboard about not doing stim sessions during the week, i kept that up for a couple of months, but somehow a couple more crept in towards the end. Thats not good enough.

I worked till 10.30pm on Fri Night, and had to start at 6 am on Saturday. I wasnt feeeling sleepy until 2 or 3 am, and by then would only have got one hours sleep as i had to get up around 4 am so i didnt bother going ot bed atall.. I know from previous experience that 1 hours sleep leaves me a total mess, completely confused about everything. Id also taken my 11.6mg of etiz that im dependant on. So i was not in a good state atall, etiz is definately a bad substance to go to work on, it may well eliminate all anxiety, but along with that caution, common sense, and giving a shit can all too easily go out the window. unfortunately the eagle eyed manager noticed this, and had concerns that my calll quality might be sub-standard that day, and he was lsitening in on my calls that day. The final straw was not giving one customer a reference number for his call, i just fobbed him off saying "you dont need one for that" even though he asked about 3 times, the manger was absolutely furious at me for this, every time i tried to defend myself it just made him angrier, and he started coming out wtih statements that just werent true or fair. I didnt want to make him EVEN MORE PISSED OFF with me, so i just let him say his peace, listened, soaked it up, and sincerely aplogised. Much to little too late.

Anyway, that really wasnt a suitable job for me, i was planning on trying to stick at it just throughout the winter, until March or something, and then leave on my terms. Ive never been sacked before, i was completely shocked and unprepared for the whole thing. I was burning up with the shame of it for the rest of the afternoon. Back to the drugs support group i think, though i think only last week i said i wont be going back there again. How quickly things can change. I'll need advice on how to apply for jobs after being scaked for one thing; with what to say, and how to say it in interviews, and their 'employabilty skills worker' was fucking excellent. I hope she still works there Please let that be so. She played a big part in helping me finally get a job after 15 months of trying.

Anyway, if i needed a fucking good shaking up and a 'wake up call' i certainly got it. Even more reason to get serious about my etiz taper. It really can have a terrible affect on your performance at work. I was ready to go back to work, i should have put more things in place to prevent midweek stim sessions. Now that was a fucking well paid job that ive squandered and most of the money i earnt has long gone. On the bright side, the unemployment stats keep falling, I'll probably be very lucky to find another such well paid job (compared to what im used to atleast). I think its time for a complete career change, fucking customer service and IT isnt really something ive got the pateience for, or abilty to be constantly polite and friendly to a non stop barrage of incoming calls.

Maybe next time I'll try for an easier, much less demanding and stresfull job, although they only pay roughly half the wage, i'd be happy to work at a record shop or something like that for the time being. That way i can cut my etiz without work stress making things worse. It sounds like im blaming it all on etiz, i am, though it was me that took it, 11.6mg with no sleep, thats NO way to turn up for a job where high standards are demanded.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I really wonder how you look SS, you must be like 45kg with the amount of drugs u do lol

how do you know what she looks like? Have you finally posted a pic SS?

 

[Hangover]

I don't know what she looks like.. yet.. she better come out the closet one day

And to the other post tl;dr... planning on bed and my head is fried as it is.. i'm just distracting myself to not go bed, but now looking at them words you have finally freed me from my computer, goodnight lol

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Sorry, i cant help writing humungously long posts today, must be that pentedrone, id never realiseed that it can be used as a highly effective and focussed stim, but being at home alone with access to the internet doesnt help. I usually get drawn into looking at images or clips of females as soon as it kicks in, as pent makes every woman or late teenaged girl look absolutely fucking gorgeous. I probably shouldnt leave the house on that stuff atall , at the best id get a few sharp looks for acting like a fucking dog, at the worst i could get a tirade of verbal abuse.

 

[zzz101]

waking up feel like shit from no tramadol so i grabbed some hash oil off ma dude.

knifes are heating up now so i'm not fucked yet but will b.

will read that wall of text in a minute.

oh i must get one of those vape-pens. i think they're illegal though.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Waking up @ 10:49 pm

Your body clock appears to be about 15 hours out of sync. I find it very depressing waking up late in the evening, Id much rather have a steady waake up and get up time of 8am or something. I'll probably have an early night tonight, only slept one night in the last 3 i think.

 

[zzz101]

nar i'm not in Europe anymore. in the complete reverse time zone

just had one toke and I'm still sober pretty much but i know oil creeps up on you.

 

[ScotchMist]

Fuckin el MDB, sorry to hear that.. lessons learnt though hey and hopefully a catalyst for change ie etiz.. I know it was getting you down before with the relentless looking for jobs but as you said, employment is up and i dont think that is some tory spin, from what ive seen things are picking up in alot of areas, though im not looking everywhere so i could be wrong, it certainly is in my field of work.

I hope its a quick and painless process for you.

I've had to buck my ideas up at work also, when i got back from my holiday and the split with my Mrs i spent the first week back at work fairly smashed, one day in particular there is no way i should of been anywhere near work, after a few days of virtually no sleep, about 4 or 5 pints a 0.5 of gear through the night washed down with some valium, no idea how many but it was to many, unnecessary to, i went to work..

I thought id be ok because i did it all the night before, nope, i failed to remember the long action of diazepam.

You think you're ok to, thats the worst part.. i was in a dream like state for most the day, stumbling around, falling asleep, dropping my tools etc, id be stood with people, drift off and start muttering crazy shit. I forget what i said now but it was weird anyway and i was raising eyebrows. Real stupid and dangerous to.

Thats the worst I've been but theres other occasions from the past month that were taking the piss and there's only so much taking the piss you can get away with, my quota is filled.

 

[Eveleivibe]

Well there's my cue to fess up to having been sacked. And indeed i do have only myslef to blame. Too many minor incidents of arriving late, and 3 sickies (one not really my fault) i guess if you add up minor aggrevations like that and then if you fuck up something slightly more serious then you arent gonna get as much leniency you might have got otherwise. Quite annoying really, as i had begun to establish good relationships with my colleagues there, and many of them were encouraging me and telling me that was doing well. Even the guy that had been heavily on my case, told me that i was doing well, and that meant a lot, to turn that around. I was also very nearly up to the standards they required, in terms of the call details, descrption of steps taken in the fix, in more or less the required time frame. I was resolving about 95% of my calls which was a fucking excellent rate even if i say so myslef. I was shocked to discover that they dont do warnings, to give you chance to change your behaviour, presumably you are meant to already know what is expected of you, as indeed i did.

I think to some extent i was a hapless pawn and that the manager had some bigger plan afoot to demonstrate his "readiness to take quick decisive action" for the sake of his own career progression. Tbh i think i should have recived a warning rather than a sacking for what i did, but i think it'll be a pointless waste of energy to pursue that avenue. From what i gather temps get FA employment rights, and can allways be told at any time "we dont want you anymore". I cant say i wasnt warned by the members of EADD, i did try to take the advice onboard about not doing stim sessions during the week, i kept that up for a couple of months, but somehow a couple more crept in towards the end. Thats not good enough.

I worked till 10.30pm on Fri Night, and had to start at 6 am on Saturday. I wasnt feeeling sleepy until 2 or 3 am, and by then would only have got one hours sleep as i had to get up around 4 am so i didnt bother going ot bed atall.. I know from previous experience that 1 hours sleep leaves me a total mess, completely confused about everything. Id also taken my 11.6mg of etiz that im dependant on. So i was not in a good state atall, etiz is definately a bad substance to go to work on, it may well eliminate all anxiety, but along with that caution, common sense, and giving a shit can all too easily go out the window. unfortunately the eagle eyed manager noticed this, and had concerns that my calll quality might be sub-standard that day, and he was lsitening in on my calls that day. The final straw was not giving one customer a reference number for his call, i just fobbed him off saying "you dont need one for that" even though he asked about 3 times, the manger was absolutely furious at me for this, every time i tried to defend myself it just made him angrier, and he started coming out wtih statements that just werent true or fair. I didnt want to make him EVEN MORE PISSED OFF with me, so i just let him say his peace, listened, soaked it up, and sincerely aplogised. Much to little too late.

Anyway, that really wasnt a suitable job for me, i was planning on trying to stick at it just throughout the winter, until March or something, and then leave on my terms. Ive never been sacked before, i was completely shocked and unprepared for the whole thing. I was burning up with the shame of it for the rest of the afternoon. Back to the drugs support group i think, though i think only last week i said i wont be going back there again. How quickly things can change. I'll need advice on how to apply for jobs after being scaked for one thing; with what to say, and how to say it in interviews, and their 'employabilty skills worker' was fucking excellent. I hope she still works there Please let that be so. She played a big part in helping me finally get a job after 15 months of trying.

Anyway, if i needed a fucking good shaking up and a 'wake up call' i certainly got it. Even more reason to get serious about my etiz taper. It really can have a terrible affect on your performance at work. I was ready to go back to work, i should have put more things in place to prevent midweek stim sessions. Now that was a fucking well paid job that ive squandered and most of the money i earnt has long gone. On the bright side, the unemployment stats keep falling, I'll probably be very lucky to find another such well paid job (compared to what im used to atleast). I think its time for a complete career change, fucking customer service and IT isnt really something ive got the pateience for, or abilty to be constantly polite and friendly to a non stop barrage of incoming calls.

Maybe next time I'll try for an easier, much less demanding and stresfull job, although they only pay roughly half the wage, i'd be happy to work at a record shop or something like that for the time being. That way i can cut my etiz without work stress making things worse. It sounds like im blaming it all on etiz, i am, though it was me that took it, 11.6mg with no sleep, thats NO way to turn up for a job where high standards are demanded.

WHAT?????? Ive not read all this but you've been sacked?????

Shitting eck. I'm sorry to hear that even if I'm no longer your friend. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

(Before anyone starts I did actually try helping him with this a few weeks back if you read gibs but what do I know eh?)

I'm truly sorry thats happened to you, MDB, despite everything.

Edit: did this happrn Friday, MDB???? Why did you not tell us so we could have supported you. I wouldn't have ignored you n been angry over the other stuff had I known you were going through this. I know how it feels to be sacked. My employers did it to me the day my Nain was in hospital dying pk stroke n died 4 days later. Employers can be incredibly cruel n colleagues can be incredibly backstabbing. While theyvwere nice to you they'd have had had a knife in you the other end.

I got another job after being sacked; a MUCH better one with the NHS n over a grand back off the taxman- so will you. Just work through what went wrong here n you'll get another job I promise you.

Evey

 

[Raasyvibe]

Well there's my cue to fess up to having been sacked. And indeed i do have only myslef to blame. Too many minor incidents of arriving late, and 3 sickies (one not really my fault) i guess if you add up minor aggrevations like that and then if you fuck up something slightly more serious then you arent gonna get as much leniency you might have got otherwise. Quite annoying really, as i had begun to establish good relationships with my colleagues there, and many of them were encouraging me and telling me that was doing well. Even the guy that had been heavily on my case, told me that i was doing well, and that meant a lot, to turn that around. I was also very nearly up to the standards they required, in terms of the call details, descrption of steps taken in the fix, in more or less the required time frame. I was resolving about 95% of my calls which was a fucking excellent rate even if i say so myslef. I was shocked to discover that they dont do warnings, to give you chance to change your behaviour, presumably you are meant to already know what is expected of you, as indeed i did.

I think to some extent i was a hapless pawn and that the manager had some bigger plan afoot to demonstrate his "readiness to take quick decisive action" for the sake of his own career progression. Tbh i think i should have recived a warning rather than a sacking for what i did, but i think it'll be a pointless waste of energy to pursue that avenue. From what i gather temps get FA employment rights, and can allways be told at any time "we dont want you anymore". I cant say i wasnt warned by the members of EADD, i did try to take the advice onboard about not doing stim sessions during the week, i kept that up for a couple of months, but somehow a couple more crept in towards the end. Thats not good enough.

I worked till 10.30pm on Fri Night, and had to start at 6 am on Saturday. I wasnt feeeling sleepy until 2 or 3 am, and by then would only have got one hours sleep as i had to get up around 4 am so i didnt bother going ot bed atall.. I know from previous experience that 1 hours sleep leaves me a total mess, completely confused about everything. Id also taken my 11.6mg of etiz that im dependant on. So i was not in a good state atall, etiz is definately a bad substance to go to work on, it may well eliminate all anxiety, but along with that caution, common sense, and giving a shit can all too easily go out the window. unfortunately the eagle eyed manager noticed this, and had concerns that my calll quality might be sub-standard that day, and he was lsitening in on my calls that day. The final straw was not giving one customer a reference number for his call, i just fobbed him off saying "you dont need one for that" even though he asked about 3 times, the manger was absolutely furious at me for this, every time i tried to defend myself it just made him angrier, and he started coming out wtih statements that just werent true or fair. I didnt want to make him EVEN MORE PISSED OFF with me, so i just let him say his peace, listened, soaked it up, and sincerely aplogised. Much to little too late.

Anyway, that really wasnt a suitable job for me, i was planning on trying to stick at it just throughout the winter, until March or something, and then leave on my terms. Ive never been sacked before, i was completely shocked and unprepared for the whole thing. I was burning up with the shame of it for the rest of the afternoon. Back to the drugs support group i think, though i think only last week i said i wont be going back there again. How quickly things can change. I'll need advice on how to apply for jobs after being scaked for one thing; with what to say, and how to say it in interviews, and their 'employabilty skills worker' was fucking excellent. I hope she still works there Please let that be so. She played a big part in helping me finally get a job after 15 months of trying.

Anyway, if i needed a fucking good shaking up and a 'wake up call' i certainly got it. Even more reason to get serious about my etiz taper. It really can have a terrible affect on your performance at work. I was ready to go back to work, i should have put more things in place to prevent midweek stim sessions. Now that was a fucking well paid job that ive squandered and most of the money i earnt has long gone. On the bright side, the unemployment stats keep falling, I'll probably be very lucky to find another such well paid job (compared to what im used to atleast). I think its time for a complete career change, fucking customer service and IT isnt really something ive got the pateience for, or abilty to be constantly polite and friendly to a non stop barrage of incoming calls.

Maybe next time I'll try for an easier, much less demanding and stresfull job, although they only pay roughly half the wage, i'd be happy to work at a record shop or something like that for the time being. That way i can cut my etiz without work stress making things worse. It sounds like im blaming it all on etiz, i am, though it was me that took it, 11.6mg with no sleep, thats NO way to turn up for a job where high standards are demanded.

Well, it was inevitable really, wasn't it?

I remember you were complaining about unemployment for months on here, your bad luck with interviews and how difficult it was to find a job. Well, amazingly you surprised us all, actually persevered and after all that time got somewhere. You should have been enraptured and relished in the opportunity. Instead you were taking strong stims mid-week and missing days off work - from the very beginning. It was obvious I suppose, that you didn't really care as you should have done. Without that care, it was inevitable you wouldn't last long.

Drugs have ruined this one for you, no doubt. Though, it was you who chose to take the drugs which ruined it, and you have to question, why? Where does that self-destruction lie? What causes it? Why do you want to be here again? Looking for a job and now you've been fired, the search may become harder than the last 15 months.

Getting another job is a subordinate issue. What you really have to address, is why you have been so destructive?

I've watched you turn a nasty etiz addiction around. Transform from an abusive, incoherent wreck... to an eloquent, decent chap. After many disappointments with job interviews, you learnt and progressed and got somewhere. You're not hopeless, at all. But to let yourself squander such an opportunity, something is certainly wrong in yourself and - if you are to get anywhere in life - I hope you find out what is wrong, and treat it.


Sorry if im sounding harsh towards you, but I think it's in your own interest if i'm honest with you.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Thanks Evey and SM; SM all it needs is for the wrong manager/foreman w/e to be watching you at the wrong time and you can be out. Im not saying this to worry you, but so that you can take preventstive steps. You already seem aware, but perhaps it takes someone else getting fired for similar reasons to prove how insecure employment can be if you dont take every care to toe the line in every way.

Evey, thanks for the generous sentiment. You say that you are no longer my friend, atleast the language is becoming less inflammatory now. It needn't be this way though, is it impossible for you to ever forgive anyone who has made mistakes that upset you, especially when they weren't even intentional. Life must get pretty lonely at times

I am only human after all, and especially due to often being benzoed im bound to mistakes from time to time and this can lead to numerous cases of speaking/posting blurting things out beore thinking of the consequences. Im surprised that i havent offended more people tbh. Forgiveness and understadning seem to be the keys. Has Rass not talked to you about these concepts? I dunno much about Christianity, but i gather that they are some fairly central themes of the religion.

Rass I'll respond to your post tomorrow.

 

[Eveleivibe]

Yes after you got sammy g to tell me to sling my hook it is im afraid as well as the other mentioning my private messages online making me sound a complete stalker.

I was there for you many months ago when you were upset over stuff i listened n never turned on you.

If i was sending you too many messages (I can get carried away) then you should have just talked to me about it. Sometimes I get carried away n how am i to know it's bothering someone unless they tell me.

Anyway i wish you luck with everything n am truly sorry for how stuff as turned out jobwise. I wish you the best in finding another n seeking recovery.

Evey l

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Jumping to conclusions again, and completely wrong ones. I didnt ask Sam to do that, i would have said it directly to you. Ok well if thats your final decision (not every relationship works out - even virtual ones) it may be best if we just 'stay out of each others way'. I really cannot bare getting dragged down into squabbles.

 

[Eveleivibe]

Well, it was inevitable really, wasn't it?

I remember you were complaining about unemployment for months on here, your bad luck with interviews and how difficult it was to find a job. Well, amazingly you surprised us all, actually persevered and after all that time got somewhere. You should have been enraptured and relished in the opportunity. Instead you were taking strong stims mid-week and missing days off work - from the very beginning. It was obvious I suppose, that you didn't really care as you should have done. Without that care, it was inevitable you wouldn't last long.

Drugs have ruined this one for you, no doubt. Though, it was you who chose to take the drugs which ruined it, and you have to question, why? Where does that self-destruction lie? What causes it? Why do you want to be here again? Looking for a job and now you've been fired, the search may become harder than the last 15 months.

Getting another job is a subordinate issue. What you really have to address, is why you have been so destructive?

I've watched you turn a nasty etiz addiction around. Transform from an abusive, incoherent wreck... to an eloquent, decent chap. After many disappointments with job interviews, you learnt and progressed and got somewhere. You're not hopeless, at all. But to let yourself squander such an opportunity, something is certainly wrong in yourself and - if you are to get anywhere in life - I hope you find out what is wrong, and treat it.


Sorry if im sounding harsh towards you, but I think it's in your own interest if i'm honest with you.

True. Good post. This is what i was getting at in gibs a week or back back. It was extremely worrying. And you're right he has turned his life around but does need to get to the root cause of this in order for things to change or the same behaviour will be repeated, over n over again.

Hang on Raasy I'm meant to be angry at you: (Grrrrrr see face this angry look :D ) but that sterm repuking thing you got going is very attractive

Evey

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Well, it was inevitable really, wasn't it?

I remember you were complaining about unemployment for months on here, your bad luck with interviews and how difficult it was to find a job. Well, amazingly you surprised us all, actually persevered and after all that time got somewhere. You should have been enraptured and relished in the opportunity. Instead you were taking strong stims mid-week and missing days off work - from the very beginning. It was obvious I suppose, that you didn't really care as you should have done. Without that care, it was inevitable you wouldn't last long.

Drugs have ruined this one for you, no doubt. Though, it was you who chose to take the drugs which ruined it, and you have to question, why? Where does that self-destruction lie? What causes it? Why do you want to be here again? Looking for a job and now you've been fired, the search may become harder than the last 15 months.

Getting another job is a subordinate issue. What you really have to address, is why you have been so destructive?

I've watched you turn a nasty etiz addiction around. Transform from an abusive, incoherent wreck... to an eloquent, decent chap. After many disappointments with job interviews, you learnt and progressed and got somewhere. You're not hopeless, at all. But to let yourself squander such an opportunity, something is certainly wrong in yourself and - if you are to get anywhere in life - I hope you find out what is wrong, and treat it.


Sorry if im sounding harsh towards you, but I think it's in your own interest if i'm honest with you.

yeah you're right, you've got it so right infact that there's nothing much for me to respond to. Yeah i do self-sabotage and i havent really worked out why. Btw it was phenazepam that turned me into an abusive, incoherent wreck, ive turned that one round mainly by switching to a benzo that doesnt have such a harmful impact on my personality and thought processes. Even if etiz doesnt lead to that kind of behaviour, it probably cost me that job, in terms of self-motivation, which is why i am working on a steady reduction plan. You're not soudning harsh just for the sake of taking piss, and having a laugh at my 'misfortune' you're speaking sense, for the right reasons imo.

 

[Eveleivibe]

I've tried messaging you on Facebook. Are you ok? No one's going to judge you or owt. We're worried n want to help. First of all n please don't take offence but you need to stop using drugs as a reason for goes you do wrong. That's like me getting drunk, being abusive to people like INFLO n saying that my behaviour was ok because I was drunk. It wasn't.

Evey

 

[BigG]

Really sorry MBD. I can relate to some extent. Back when I was doing finance management jobs that I hated I would get sacked from temporary jobs all the time. Not for quite the same reasons but pretty similar. I was in a lot of pain, hated what iI was doing and was deeply unhappy at home. Rather than minimising what I would take out of my prescription just to ease the pain and allow me to function, I would take large doses just to numb the unhappiness. This wouldoften lead to the iinevitable "too tired" or "ran out and now in wds" Sickie.
The process just kept repeating itself. What turned it round for me was findng something that I actually enjoy doing and don't hate going to work everyday. While I'm still prescribed strong painkillers, I'm taking them in the smallest possible amounts for their genuine reason not in huge amounts to mask the emotional pain of being do unhappy.

What I'm getting at is that I've been there too and out the other side. Also if your going to get sacked then being sacked from a temporary job is FAR better than being sacked from a permanent one in terms of getting another job afterwards. Employers know that temps get let go all the time for the smallest of reasons and as they have no real protection there is little they can do about it. A permanent member of staff would have had a disciplinary procedure to go through whereas temps as you know get no warnings and can be sacked on the spot. When it comes to explaining why you were let go in future interviews just say something about the job not suiting you or whatever. Most temporary employees will just give a blank reference saying "I can confirm that MBD worked here from x until y" and nothing more.

I won't lecture you on how you need to sort out your drug taking as you already know that. I do think however that if you were doing something you really liked, the need to take stuff would melt away. For the longest time I thought bouncing from job to job that I hated was my lot in life but then I found something wonderful that gives me the most immense sense of satisfaction and rewarding feelings and I'm a different person because of it.

It sounds so corny but follow your dreams mate. Life really is too short to be unhappy. The amount of people's lives I've seen cut short makes you realise that your only here a short time and need to make the most of it. Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing for you as you can now sit down and analyse what you're doing versus what you'd like to be doing and develop a plan of action to get there.

If Iccan be of any help at all just PM me anytime

 

[mydrugbuddy]

I've tried messaging you on Facebook. Are you ok? No one's going to judge you or owt. We're worried n want to help. First of all n please don't take offence but you need to stop using drugs as a reason for goes you do wrong. That's like me getting drunk, being abusive to people like INFLO n saying that my behaviour was ok because I was drunk. It wasn't.

Evey

i dont think you understand, im not trying to say that my behaviour is accetable or healthy, or even trying to use it as an excuse. My drug use does play a part in casung me to make poor decions, again thats not an excuse, there is no excuse, its just a rational conclusion to arrive at. For instance you could say that your driking sometimes causes 'annoying behaviour' from your part, it probably does, but no one thinks "thats allright, she was drunk" and im not trying to say the same for myself as in "i got sacked because i have a drugs problem, so thats OK". Far from it Eve, im going to return to my drugs support place, and hopefully this time round, as i get further into my etiz reduction plan, my thinking patterns and self detruvtive behaviour may become more accesable. Rass is righ that i need to get at the root cause, and get that sorted, it wasnt really possibel last time as etiz limits ones capacity for proper deep refelection, self analysis, and insight. Once gain, thats not an excuse its a fact. You could also say that your own behaviour is self-destuctive at times, you clearly want to feel well liked, accepted, and get a snese of belonging here, but each time you have a meltdown it drives people away, and taked you further away from that imo.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Really sorry MBD. I can relate to some extent. Back when I was doing finance management jobs that I hated I would get sacked from temporary jobs all the time. Not for quite the same reasons but pretty similar. I was in a lot of pain, hated what iI was doing and was deeply unhappy at home. Rather than minimising what I would take out of my prescription just to ease the pain and allow me to function, I would take large doses just to numb the unhappiness. This wouldoften lead to the iinevitable "too tired" or "ran out and now in wds" Sickie.
The process just kept repeating itself. What turned it round for me was findng something that I actually enjoy doing and don't hate going to work everyday. While I'm still prescribed strong painkillers, I'm taking them in the smallest possible amounts for their genuine reason not in huge amounts to mask the emotional pain of being do unhappy.

What I'm getting at is that I've been there too and out the other side. Also if your going to get sacked then being sacked from a temporary job is FAR better than being sacked from a permanent one in terms of getting another job afterwards. Employers know that temps get let go all the time for the smallest of reasons and as they have no real protection there is little they can do about it. A permanent member of staff would have had a disciplinary procedure to go through whereas temps as you know get no warnings and can be sacked on the spot. When it comes to explaining why you were let go in future interviews just say something about the job not suiting you or whatever. Most temporary employees will just give a blank reference saying "I can confirm that MBD worked here from x until y" and nothing more.

I won't lecture you on how you need to sort out your drug taking as you already know that. I do think however that if you were doing something you really liked, the need to take stuff would melt away. For the longest time I thought bouncing from job to job that I hated was my lot in life but then I found something wonderful that gives me the most immense sense of satisfaction and rewarding feelings and I'm a different person because of it.

It sounds so corny but follow your dreams mate. Life really is too short to be unhappy. The amount of people's lives I've seen cut short makes you realise that your only here a short time and need to make the most of it. Maybe this will turn out to be a good thing for you as you can now sit down and analyse what you're doing versus what you'd like to be doing and develop a plan of action to get there.

If Iccan be of any help at all just PM me anytime

thanks for your understanding and encouragment, you do understand perfectly well, which is often half the batlle in just wanting to be propelry understood. Atm i do have the luxury of the few hundred quid that i did manage to save over the last 4-5 months of work. This at least gives me some time to which i should put to ggod use, rather than being forced straight into the next job, that may once agin just make my unhappy. I do realise that this is the plight of most people, it seems to me that only the very fortunate or talented, get to do jobs they love. For the rest of us it seems to be a case of trying to force your mind to view what isnt an ideal job as postively as possible. Whst done is done, i havent even contacted the temp recruitment agnecy to find out whether they now have me blacklisted or not, i guess it depends if all the facts about my poor time keeping and 3 sickies in 4 months comes to light. I could just explain to them that it wasn't the right job for me, and that ive learnt from my mistakes, (i have). The woman there appears to be friendly and sympathetic, but thats a different matter as to whether they would send me out on another "temp assignment". Over the next few weeks im going to need an income, whether its from a shit job that doesnt suit me, or one that i can feel happier in. I have to be realistic, im not in the stongest position atm, and its more a case of taking w/e i can get rather than planning on my dream job, but i can do that whilst im doing the next temp job (if they get me one). Its a good mental resilence thing to be able to stcik at somethig you dont enjoy for 8 or 9 hours a day, it increases ones mental resilence and toughness im sure. Unfortunatly i got into taking kratom about a couple of months after starting the job, man did it make the days fly by so quickly, but in the long run id have been better off not using any substances at work, and just 'toughing it out' or 'making the most of it' like 99% of other workers seem to manage to do. Thats a lot easier to say than to do.