The Dream

[harraser]

i try to write about my lethargy
and how it is destroying me
but all i feel is apathy
and occaisional misanthropy
with a touch of terror, loss of direction, emptyness,
angst.
angst angst angst angst angst
(i dont even know what that fucking word means)
and the sense of doom
coming from my mad rush
to do nothing
is so thick it chokes me
like the water gushing from my mouth,
the sound bursting from my eyes
(hang on that isnt right...)
so i curl up on the floor,
my nightly ritual,
and cower in fear of the
books, notes, proformas, worksheets, tests, assingments, revision,
the pointless confusion of the work work fucking work spread around me
and i huddle up in the space set aside for my money
(theres plenty of room here)
and fall asleep,
to dream of a land of simplicity and ease
where there are no obstacles in front of me
no detours, no distractions
just a clear, straight road leading right to my goals.
and i dream
and i wake
and i scream
and i shake
for the horror of such a vision.
How could i survive without my drama to feed me?

 

[E-girl]

the pointless confusion of the work work fucking work spread around me
and i huddle up in the space set aside for my money
(theres plenty of room here)
and fall asleep,
to dream of a land of simplicity and ease
ya know, these are two things that plague me daily... and make me lose my strong exterior and break down often: debt and work.
i can never seem to see enough of both.
i think things will get easier... i dont know when. i dont pretend to know if they will for sure... i'm just hopeful that they will, for you, for me... for all of us.
I ventured into the "Life" forum a lot lately, not really posting, but browsing. There are a lot of people who have the same downfalls in life that i'm experiencing right now, and its comforting to read their stories, and people's suggestions.. and the mods over there are top-notch, so you ought to venture over there yourself when you have a moment... they have a way of instilling hope and giving you some inner peace, and suggestions to get through things. It's really a great forum and i wish i would have found myself there sooner.
Nice piece though, ant. very deep.

 

[cherub]

Hun, hugs frist of all,
my advice, just keep your eyes on the goal and I know it seems overwhelming at times but you are doing the best you can, and you have alot of support and faith behind you. The Ulimate Goal is in site darlin.

to dream of a land of simplicity and ease
where there are no obstacles in front of me
no detours, no distractions
just a clear, straight road leading right to my goals.
You are on your way to your goals know that. Nothing will stop you I know that
love you hun!

 

[plazma]

Bwahaha nice work Ant!
I was just saying to Leecie the other night how a life without drama, that was completely as it appeared, completely straightforward, would be deadly.
Seriously some great sentiments expressed there, in a very slick package!
-plaz out-

 

[Dagny]

How to live in a world of quiet? As much as we both keep looking for it dearheart, whatever would we do if we found it? Perhaps we could pull up beside each other and laugh over it all.
You know, that I know how this can feel. What it is to want to scream at it and laugh at it all at the same time. You question your sanity, and then after a while you quietly crave insanity, and the release that comes with it. I keep thinking that maybe one day, as I get older, I'll settle into this life I have chosen for myself and the world that I want so badly to control... but then maybe that would be boring after all. And I'll miss the chaotic uncertainty of my life now.
Either way, I feel you on this one. And I love ya sweetie. Sane or not, you're always beautiful to me.

 

[*Cosmic Mist*]

to dream of a land of simplicity and ease
where there are no obstacles in front of me
no detours, no distractions
just a clear, straight road leading right to my goals.
and i dream
and i wake
and i scream
and i shake
for the horror of such a vision.
Yeah ant, i know, i know... life is one big spiralling mess sometimes,and no one really knows where it began from, or where it will end. Me? I know that thigs will eventually get better, because my past has proven it to me over and over again - yet it is my impatience that drives me to this feeling of complete emptiness.
SO don't be impatient, just accept what has to be done and do it...a nd keep writing, because it is on of the most soothing activities there is.
Don't get yourself too down, remember that there are lot of people out there who feel for you, and understand you...
*hugs*
Misty

 

[Queen Beat]

I am the Queen of Drama. Will you join me in my kingdom Sir Harrasser?
The pointless confusion and neverending workload of uni is why I quit - I wish I'd had the willpower to stick it out though.
You will reach your goals...I know these things.