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the devil knows his brothers. how do i fool him?

A

average extreme

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 8, 2007
Messages
104
why do addicts always recognise each other? i am unable to get in touch with normal people. every one i know is into drugs. the normal, most stable person in my life is my fuckn COKE DEALER. maybe this sounds funny to you but it really isn't. it is like i scan people for how much they are fucked up and only if they match my definition of insanity i am able to open myself to them.
i don't know how to introduce myself to "normal" people. some girls confirm me that i am a handsome guy but i look very unhealthy and it is a usual thing that random people that i don't even know ask me where they can buy heroin! it happened again yesterday when i went to get some food. this sucks! whats wrong with me? i relly don't do this on purpose.
non-addicts avoid me because they don't want to deal with my problems or with me and i can understand this. they have to protect themselves.


why am i unable to associate with ordinary people? i've been addicted most of my life but a few years back i was properly functioning despite my addiction. i went to university but i allways felt like a alien there and i didn't make any friends there. it felt like a total masquerade. these people aren't real in my opinion but maybe i am just fucked.

i just wanted to express myself and maybe someone can give me some advice but i am not surprised if no one can relate to this. :X8o:p
 
Please stop your making rediculous broad generalizations. Not every addict recognizes another immediatly no matter what they say. You already look unhealthy at a young age maybe it gives off te impression . Most addicts didnt know i was an addict at first. Some did. I didnt recognize others but some i did as well so just stop.

You dont know how to introduce yourself to normal people you say? Well introducing yourself to drug people is usually "hey where can i get dope" normal people is "hey where can i find a good restaurant" not complicated. Im sure you have barley tried introducing yourself to normal people because you think your special ina "i dont belong in society im a drug using outcast im cool blah blah blah."

If you wanna interact with non drug users go try a little harder and stop thinking they are mind readers autimatically avoiding you lol. Come on now .

Im assuming your young with "girls say im handsome remark" but get over yourself your only an outcast if you wanna be.

My bad if i sounded a little harsh i agree its not easy dealing with people who havent lived/live the life , but i stand by what ivsaid that not everyone whose sober knows your a addict and not every addict knows as well and i think you needa try harder to find non ficked up people because you'll deem yourself permantly part of that world without pushing to see the other side.

Good luck

Peace
 
Last edited:
nygiants1313 said:
Please stop your making rediculous broad generalizations. Not every addict recognizes another immediatly no matter what they say. You already look unhealthy at a young age maybe it gives off te impression . Most addicts didnt know i was an addict at first. Some did. I didnt recognize others but some i did as well so just stop.

You dont know how to introduce yourself to normal people you say? Well introducing yourself to drug people is usually "hey where can i get dope" normal people is "hey where can i find a good restaurant" not complicated. Im sure you have barley tried introducing yourself to normal people because you think your special ina "i dont belong in society im a drug using outcast im cool blah blah blah."

If you wanna interact with non drug users go try a little harder and stop thinking they are mind readers autimatically avoiding you lol. Come on now .

Im assuming your young with "girls say im handsome remark" but get over yourself your only an outcast if you wanna be.

My bad if i sounded a little harsh i agree its not easy dealing with people who havent lived/live the life , but i stand by what ivsaid that not everyone whose sober knows your a addict and not every addict knows as well and i think you needa try harder to find non ficked up people because you'll deem yourself permantly part of that world without pushing to see the other side.

Good luck

Peace
Click to expand...
well i agree for the most part. but i am not that "young". i am 29 and yeah i am unexperienced but i don't see myself as an outcast or something like that. i don't see drugs as a lifestyle or something if thats what you mean.

isn't it understandable that it is hard for me to tell people who i am when who i am basically was a homeless bum not long ago? would you be proud to tell that? and it doesn't help that i think every one can see this.

i didn't want to make generalisations though .
 
i just feel like i have to explain myself some more after reading your response again nygiants. i don't like what i do or what i did and i didn't purposely choose it. but you got to adapt to situations you are unable to change. at the end it didn't even bother me to sleep on a bench at the airport. it felt desperate but honestly i didn't have time to be depressed, as a homeless durgaddict you can't survive if you become to aware of your situation. every one is treating you like shit so you got to find some comfort in urself to be able to survive. doesn't that make sense to you?
i am somewhat better now but my thinking didn't change yet. you can't put this off from one day to the next.
 
Addicts "seek" out other addicts in some situations. You can deny it all you want, but it's the truth.

Sure, some of us have normal, healthy relationships with normal, healthy people, but until you get clean, you still dance with the devil's minions from time to time, ir so to speak.

And if you "look unhealthy" chances are you are unhealthy...mentally and physically due to drug use.
Plus, you probably have a reputation now as a user.

Change the way people perceive you, only then will sober people flock to you.


I come to Bluelight to share, to be with others who have walked in addiction's shoes. In the real world, I've masked my addiction for years. If you met me, you'd have a hard time believing I was an addict, as I am well groomed, dress well, carry myself well...only other addicts can sense it in a way, but I still have normal relationships because I desire them.

Make sense?
 
Yes deff understand man. Im at work I'll write more later, BUT, as you said hard to tell people what you WERE. You say "who i am WAS a homeless drug addict. Thats not who you are thats who you were i cant emphasize the "were" enough. Be proud you got out of the situation own it and be prideful . I dont mind telling anyone i was a heroin addict because i see it as i made it out of a situation not many do although i out myself there still its whatever! We all have a story, and its your not dead do the story continues and can still have a happy ending. Look at like your life is a book it started bad and will end happy but itll take work, courage and determination . Only you decide how the story ends , but in the meantime, it was just a hiccup in your life and be proud to tell someone you turned it all around. I know many people who find it inspiring.
 
this is all pretty helpfull maybe i just need to change my perspective. the problem is that in order to get better i have to perceive my past as a major fuckup. it is only now that i realise that i thought i was living this fast cool life and don't have a problem when in reality everything fell apart. i feel like i have to prevent myself from becoming to comfortable with my past or else it will repeat.

thanks for replying to all uf u this really does help
 
First off I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself. Drugs can wreak havoc on your life, in all sorts of ways. Your reality is skewed and you're not thinking logically because you're on drugs. What if you were to get clean, find a fitness program you enjoyed, figured out a healthy plan to eating, maybe took up boxing or running (club) you'd meet people. I think you may be self conscious to the point that you sabotage any potential friendships. However you're correct that if people think you're into drugs, they'll steer clear of you, for good reason. I hope you're able to get help, find a new life for yourself, and realize life is not only precious, but a much better place when you're sober. All the best to you!!!
 
I disagree! I think there's something we see in each other and probably always will no matter what our state of addiction is. There's a comfort in opening up to someone who's as messed up or more so than us, they understand and won't judge our problems. I do think it may take awhile for you to adjust your perception of yourself to be more positive. I don't remember who I was before drugs anymore than I remember who I was anymore before I had children. It's sick how we can so easily forget the sober and sane side of ourselves so easily but it's possible to get back there. I would suggest starting slow....meeting people a few at a time or just staying to family until you feel better about who you are or know who you are. It's a rough road ahead for all of us no matter what the substance or how long we've been clean we will all always be "addicts" how we chose to live our sober lives is up to us.
 
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