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⫸STICKY⫷ The Delphic Oracle- Know Thyself: P&S Social Ampitheatre of Doom

Paradoxically, I've always hated running. I've always been a sport-y person, specializing in sprinting 200 m and 400 m back in my teens, and actually winning about a dozen medals on the national level in my small country; but I've always hated long and slow running. I could only handle giving my maximum (or near maximum for 400 m) for a short period of time, to achieve the highest speed possible for me; and I only enjoyed myself when I was winning in a contest. Never been a fan of training per se, because it has always felt dysphoric.

I still prefer using my legs to move around as opposed to using a car or a bus - I always cycle or walk if the distance is reasonable (<10 km), but I could never understand how people enjoy physically burdening themselves (such as training). Always felt unpleasant to me.
 
Before I was stupidly depressed, I enjoyed sports. But that was really just as a pre teen. I can't remember a whole lot from the last 3 years.

I really want to get back into playing sports. Been dieting, just lost 10 pounds. I liked basketball, but I never excelled because of the amount of people unwilling to play with a white kid in my deep southern home.

Maybe I'll pick something up in my freetime, but I don't feel comfortable playing for my school or anything.

Oh well.
 
You get a sort of high from doing Yoga. But I wouldn't say it's anything like getting stoned or being under the influence of drugs. Much more subtle.

But it does give a REAL release of negative energy and increase of positive energy which supports your well-being over time. As opposed to drugs, which pretty much do the opposite.
 
Nixiam said:
Before I was stupidly depressed, I enjoyed sports. But that was really just as a pre teen. I can't remember a whole lot from the last 3 years.

I really want to get back into playing sports. Been dieting, just lost 10 pounds. I liked basketball, but I never excelled because of the amount of people unwilling to play with a white kid in my deep southern home.

Maybe I'll pick something up in my freetime, but I don't feel comfortable playing for my school or anything.

Oh well.
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Honestly doing some good cardiovascular exercise (running being possibly the best form of that) daily or regularly helps so much with depression and pretty much anything else that ails you. I can't recommend it enough, I bet you'll start feeling a lot better.

I did cross country in high school, just for a year though. I work out at the gym for strength, but I have gotten out of the habit of cardio... I was trail running for a while but haven't in some time. I can tell the difference even though I'm still in pretty good shape.
 
In a future life I think I want to be male and really violent.

One thing that's changed in this life is that I'm not scared to get into a conflict and I don't really think people deserve to be treated that well. Although I have high ideals for it, I don't instinctively feel like that any more.

But I think that is the normal way to feel coming into this world. I think what isn't normal is to have other ideas than that. It's like people think you're crazy, and they just want to exploit and take advantage of that.
 
You're not crazy, I don't think most people are though and I have no qualifications so my opinion is just as good as faxing you a sheet of acid.:D I just think people who are born spiritual into this current world are in for a shit storm and it takes a lot to keep getting back up. There seems to be so little real untainted jn formation and so much pure bullshit it's just hard to dig through it and find truth. But yeah I hear ya Ninae.

On an unrelated note the snow is just past 30cm. Falling heavy still. I fear the trip out. Too much snow and we have to use the snow cat for a 50km drive, takes all day. I have 13 days left and we got 30 cm in 3 so it might be shitty.
 
I just don't feel like they deserve it. I wouldn't have said those things if they weren't true. Why not use your resources against people instead of always sacrificing yourself for them?

Anyway, that wasn't how I felt to begin with. It was like I subconsciously felt I had to honour divine law or live by the love principle. But I think it's hard to keep that feeling in this world.

It's just I think your higher self knows what is up, and what is best for you in the grand scheme of things, but I don't feel as connected to it as I used to be.
 
^Who doesn't deserve what?

IMO, no-one "deserves" anything, you just get whatever the randomness of the universe sends your way. There's no meaning or justice here.
 
No, I think you're treated pretty much like how you treat others, although there might be some delay in how that manifests for you. It just depends on how naturally it comes to you. Of course you can live as if that isn't true, but I wouldn't recommend it.
 
I do recommend it. If people treat you poorly, that is their responsibility, not yours. And some people are assholes no matter what.
 
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I didn't mean to go as far as saying I recommend it. Just that taking the high road doesn't come as naturally to me as it used to. And in a way I don't really care.

People can be assholes, but also don't let them drag you completely down with them. I don't really want to be like most people. But considering what they can be like I just don't have that much heart for them any more.

Although, ultimately, I'm the one hurting for that because it blocks the flow of love/joy energy and that's not how I really want to live. That always hurts you more than it does others.
 
I donno. If someone is a dickhead to me, I just get really quiet and ask why they're doing it.

Like, why are you being mean to me? Sorry for whatever I did to you mate. But damn don't be a fucknozzle to me.

Fucknozzle.
 
Ninae said:
It's just I think your higher self knows what is up, and what is best for you in the grand scheme of things, but I don't feel as connected to it as I used to be.
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- I get that at times and according to the sacred literature it is simply reaching out a new "plato" on the path of enlightenment. I usually fall from grace at these times and it seems to be easy to be led astray from the path when feeling like that but trust me: If you have ever gotten into feeling "the Truth", have gotten in contact with your higher Self and decided to go on the path of enlightenment, you will always come back to it, no matter how "bad" you might become or how weak your belief drops down to!
"...this game has no name - it will never be the same..."

As for 'assholes' - Ive had a very meaningful revelation recently that people do not really act themselves most of the time (unless a realized person), they act with more like automatic subconscious response that appears as a conscious thought (just to reaffirm ego-habits) to them. And this reaction depends on the other person's subconscious position at the moment thus creating a great teaching opportunity for both participants, but it takes attention and a power to see beyond your thoughts to realize that. That's why in a lot of buddhist books we can find a relation to this: Every living creature we come in contact throughout our lifes is our teacher and vice-versa. So from that point of view, 'assholes' are very much needed for others to overcome their "assholeness" and to see why it happens. That is how we can become better and help others truly, sure, it's not easy, but what else would you do in life, become another mindless consumption zombie? :\
Attention is our most important resource, everything is based on it in our world, imo. We should not let anyone "steal" it - that's how money is made in our modern world as I see it. The skill of focusing your attention is the most valuable along with ability to love and accept imo.
Global understanding takes a lot of lifetimes it seems...
 
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Volsam said:
Ive had a very meaningful revelation recently that people do not really act themselves most of the time (unless a realized person), they act with more like automatic subconscious response that appears as a conscious thought (just to reaffirm ego-habits) to them.
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Bingo. That is pretty much all there ever is. There seems to be little choice involved in it.

In his "Dianetics", which is a great psychological work, L. Ron Hubbard says a "Clear" (kind of his word for an enlightened person) has so many choices available to him in every situation the outcome is very unpredictable.

I get what he means in that more choices seem to open up to you as you undergo self-development. You can choose to be sweet and take the rough with the smooth, you can be harsh or return in kind, or you can be completely unreactive and put yourself out of that context entirely.

On the whole, I like to be unreactive as I don't like to be controlled by other people. But the average person seems to have one default response they always use that will often be to their detriment. They always act as an asshole. That can work, on it can intimidate people, or it can backfire badly. Or they always act nice in the hope it will be returned, or just out of fear.

Generally, people always act out of fear, so they act very automatically and can't really bring any mind into it. A more enlightened person will act as a "Joker" in the game as they can dissolve all the usual ego pattens and show how they are foolish (and kind of the same thing even if they're normally seen as opposites).
 
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In my experience, you tend to get from the world the same kind of stuff you put in. Angry and violent people see anger and violence in the world. Loving people see the love in the world. Negative things will always happen, and sometimes it can be hard to not let those things harden you off and change you, but if you choose to keep seeing the good, you'll keep seeing the good. Some people seem to have everything good in life, but are desperately unhappy, while others are born into terrible situations and grow into beautiful, positive people who do a lot of good. Some people facing suffering and death become bitter and jaded, and others attain peace and serenity. To me this shows how malleable your life is. It's so much a matter of perspective. You can end up a miserable, negative person who experiences primarily misery or a happy, positive person who experiences mostly happiness. For the most part, the choice is yours. I'll admit that in some extreme situations, happiness is basically impossible (someone abducted and tied up in a basement and raped for decades, for example, or someone abused so severely that any sense of love or normality has never been known, or someone born into a war-torn nation in abject poverty, starvation and torture by roving warlords), but for most people, especially those of us with the means to be hanging out on an Internet forum talking about our lives, anything is possible in terms of life perspective.

Ninae said:
In a future life I think I want to be male and really violent.
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Why violent? 
 
I started taking Phenibut again. But it seems like what I was taking was now an overdose and made me really irritable. I don't usually cultivate feelings of aggression, but it really brought those feelings out. Weird, because when you're accustomed to it it has the opposite effect, or dampens negative feelings.
 
Phenibut is a powerful but subtle modulator of mood. It produces a wonderful hypomania, but taking too much is a negative experience the opposite of what I'm using it for. But when you're riding the line between just the right amount and too much, it can start to become a little too manic and your behavior can change without you realizing it. Last week I found myself getting really irritated at things really quickly, like for example usually I'm a peaceful, chill driver, but on the way top band practice I was getting briefly enraged at stupid little things that weren't even valid reasons to get enraged, like someone choosing to drive the 25mph speed limit when I wanted to go 30. Eventually I realized I had had a little too much phenibut. In general when I take it multiple days in a row I become a little more aggressive and volatile than usual even though I feel pretty great. I like to keep it to once every other day or less.
 
Yes, I think that's the stimulant effect. It has just as much of a stimulant as sedative effect, and stimulants can famously make you irritable/aggressive.

I don't know, I'm usually more serene. And Phenibut usually makes me more assertive but not more aggressive. It's just that I just had a 2 1/2 week break and I guess the way I metabolise the drug and the dose I can tolerate is completely changed now.

I also find it really hard to concentrate, which was an effect I noticed the first month I was taking Phenibut. After that it seems to enhance concentration greatly and that's one of the effects I like about it.
 
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