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Social The Delphic Oracle - Know Thyself: P&S Social Ampitheatre of Doom

swilow said:
Have you anything you could use to sleep ie, pot, benzo?

But im glad your okay. Youre a strong dude:)

On the subject of pot, I'm so stond. Overpiring the amphetamine/disso/multi-downer combo. Sleep seems irresistible.

my body feels all floppy with energy racing through it. :)

feel silly 8o:p:p%)=D <38(:\:)
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Probably should have taken something earlier in the night, but by that point it was 5:30am and I was afraid taking something would lead to me sleeping literally all day today.

Ended up falling asleep around 7am, woke up at 1pm. Not bad.
 
^That's good.

levels said:
The ol' energized but floppy body feeling. Sounds pretty great. Like a gummy bear on a rollercoaster. That's my mental picture of you right now and I'm sticking to it :)


Edit: it's a thing apparently
NSFW:
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Pretty damn accurate dear Levels :D I'm even almost as tasty.
 
^ lol

so guys, I'm getting a bit frustrated with my parents. I'm in my mid-thirties and they live about 30 minutes away from me. So anyways, I've come clean to them about my drug use, in 2016 and again more recently. My drug use consists entirely of dissociatives, psychedelics, coffee and refined sugar. I'm sure to include coffee and sugar in that list every time since I can hardly kick that habit in spite of trying and they're also users. Their whole notions about it are rather skewed if you ask me but not completely out of reality since I did take things too far and that's on me. I hate how they talk down at me about it though. They offered to pay for rehab which sounds kinda like overkill, I sorta got it contained but not entirely. I'd much rather a meditation retreat where I eat well and meditate all day, remove myself from the usual temptations and be with a group of people that can lift me up. Even then, I don't know if I really want to give up psychedelic use entirely. Perhaps dissociatives have served their purpose and I can let go of those. I'm at a stage in my life where I don't want to lie and I love my family and am not going to tell them to fuck off either. Italian families stick together for life, and I'm blessed enough to have good caring parents, with flaws of course like everyone else. I used to lie about drug use and hated that. They know about it now and they corner me about it, so the silent option is difficult to use. My mom says she looses sleep over it, picturing her son all cracked out on god knows what horrible substances. Not sure how I should handle this.
 
Hello. Sometimes its best to keep your private life private. Your oarents dont need to know everything about you as youre an adult and having been in the same boat its been years and my folks talk down to me and treat me with disrespect and also try to tell my current frirnds about my past just in case they need to know.

Ao I do my level best to maintain my privacy. I dont get up to much now . Your folks will be fine eventually if they know you are happy and healthy.
 
Hmm, that's a difficult one levels. My own mum knows of most of my drug use (though I've kept opiates secret since my last addiction which she knew all about). It worries her but she also sees me going to meaningful work and fulfilling (most of) my obligations. So that offsets some of the fear. Can you show your parents your achievements to demonstrate that drug users are not all homeless cloud arguers? And that you are still doing what makes you 'happy'?

You're right, hiding it sucks. Perhaps it is time to move on from drugs? Or maybe reduce your useage?

Thanks for sharing mate, my best friend as a child was Italian and he had an all-consuming, beautiful but challenging and intense family. Never far from screaming or great big hugs. :)
 
Thanks swilow and zephyr. I confess I read the social forum, kinda unfair I know about all your happenings so thanks for reading mine. You all make me laugh. It's a bit like the mosh pit at rock shows. Well, I've gotten pretty good at staking my ground. Almost too good. I read psychology and shit, it can be used to build defenses too. Truth is my parents don't respect my boundaries. Everyone in my family is highly accomplished. I was on that path too, and the I got really fucking depressed and hurt myself bad. i hate being the embarrassment. They've softened my fall a lot though. Greatful for it. It shouldn't be used as leverage though. Thought racing through my head is I'll quit, but not cause you told me. It's what I already was doing. I'm not a fucking 5 year old anymore, but those are the thoughts. Whatevers, helps to post it. I'm resourceful, I got this.
 
My parents go through my unit all the time and I have no privacy and that wont get any better any time soon. But as years go by and Im doing pretty bloody good, their shit opinion of me means nothing anymore.

Ive given up trying to change it and have learned to just ignore most jabs and patronising comments.

Fuck it. My life. My buisness. You cant live your life in a way to please someone else. It doesnt work.
 
Thanks and agreed. It's taken me a bit longer to be cool with it. It used to be really hard to face family get togethers and family friends. Truth is if you smile, engage people and are earnest they all of a sudden could care less even though they're snobs a lot of the time. I've had to endure a lot of ugly comments, manipulation and all that when my baseline state was shame. They'd turn vicious like that. I still resent it sometimes.
 
People, specifically family, are really good at misguided good will towards those of us that use drugs. I currently use weed only so it's almost like not being a drug user, as it turned out my drug habit became my prescription. When weed was not an accepted drug they weren't even able to talk about the benefits I was getting from it. Imagine if we used legalization and education as tools to just help all the tight ass non addicts to understand.

Being cornered and harassed at family functions by drunks telling me how horrible weed was for me just made me laugh. Now I try to be helpful when they call me years later to talk about their cancer and weed use. Banning weed has been one of the great mistakes of humanity, I am thrilled to be alive during this time of real change despite how crazy the planet seems today I am connecting better with people who I was once oppositional to, thanks to drug legalization.
 
Yeah YB, how alcohol is our societally approved drug and we're willing to damaged people's lives by incarcerating them over doobies I will never understand. The hypocrisy drives me nuts. Like all things, some people are doing themselves no favors by smoking all the time. I definitely got to that point and didn't look back after years of daily use. Easiest habit I ever quit, even when it was around me all the time. I know a number of people for whom pot makes them comfortable in their own bodies and enhances their overall well being. These people are simply put better when they smoke and it seems like some of the stereotypical stoner side effects have no bearing on them. thats as good a sign as any that the medicine is working for them.
 
yeah, i have learned to hate weed, because i have people at my job that are stoners. this one girl i work with come in on dabs erry day. im just a pizza cook but im the manager there and the level of incompetence leaves me feeling overwhelmed. i think im going to get a haircut bc ive had multiple employees start talking to me about drugs and im their boss. millenials man.
 
I love weed =D, but I cannot imagine it ever being a good idea to go to work stoned. To me, the whole beauty of the plant is in a contemplative setting or at times a social setting with a few friends that enjoy laughing together. It would be a disaster for me to use it any other way.
 
Weed's great if it agrees with you and you're not an idiot. Some people are super stoners, it's true, 24/7 smokers, high as fuck all the time. I used to do it. My girlfriend trims buds during harvest season and she ends up making 75% of the total money because there will be like 4 other people there and they're literally smoking a bong or taking a dab every 20 minutes, and they don't do shit. I smoke weed nearly every day, I smoke a little, and go about my day like a normal person.
 
I'm tempted to ask my dad to do 3-MeO-PCP with me. We chatted last night. I was sober as was he and the conversation was about drugs. There's a barrier. It's like, I know you're a really wholesome person but what you're asking comes from a place of lack of understanding. I feel it coming from a place of love. He'll likely say no. He's in his seventies. He does the same breathwork I do though, he introduced me to The Presence Process by Michael Brown and never finished it. That book became my bible for a while and I spent 4 years obsessed with it. He does the same breathwork I do now occasionally. I introduced him to it and he loves it but still tries to explain it away sometimes. He has similar experiences as me. he respects who I am.

My mom is the one that got fucked by drugs. She has a psychiatric illness and has to take lithium all the time. She's sensitive. Like a flower, but goes on in circles all the time. She's the purest of us all though in a way she is also the most difficult. They gave her electroshock in the seventies many times, probably didn't help. Sometimes she goes psychotic. We give her anti-psychotics for a few weeks when that happens but then stop. It's not the conventional way to treat this illness but it works for her. He's lived his life generally pure and free of drugs. My mom takes lithium. Anti-psychotics when an episode starts. My dad takes 1-2 glasses of wine or scotch when he falls into that, but he's generally sober and present and I could care less. I used to drink 24+ beers a day for a while just to function.

My shit was heavy. He tried ecstasy with a therapist on his own quest for freedom once in the late 90's and ended up falling in love with the therapist. Cheated on my mom. Almost tore our family apart. This is all true. So anyways, I want to quit. I aspire to be more like him. Just acknowledge the beauty of what I feel, so we can really talk, instead of playing games. Is that foolish of me?

Edit:
Answering my own question. Probably wrong idea. Sorry, this has me more worked up than I've been in a while. I got an idea about how to handle this today that I'm really excited about that doesn't involved doing drugs with my dad. Lol. Take care all
 
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ive been a little sick for some time now. i think i have CFS/EBV and i keep catching everything that comes my way. ive been making my own colloidal silver and the stuff works. i felt like i was getting a severe upper respiratory infection and inhaled some through a diffuser and it stopped it right in its tracks. its somewhat counter intuitive to be using heavy metal but i wouldn't take large amounts for very long. ive also kind of gotten into bob beck and am using his blood purifier but not doing the whole protocol. im kind of on the fence about it but its kind of interesting at least and it was affordable enough to see for myself. it did give me herxheimers so its doing something. i don't think hes ever really cured aids with it, but i know people have gotten over CFS with it which is all i care about. got a few things working and trying to get on top of being healthy. gonna do some cleanses for my organs, metals and parasites. got to figure something out bc being sick aint no way to live. im ready to feel good and i think my health is the best place to start. that whole EBV has a way of sucking the life out of you.

im considering starting to IV my own glutathione bc it seems like a pretty huge discovery to me. just not sure if that would be safe injecting a supplement but it seems safer than meth. can always plug it but never been a fan. BD any thoughts on that? looking for a green light here buddy bc even the liposomal form is ridiculously expensive compared to the normal stuff. IVing something healthy seems like a win win. seems to be the basis of most illnesses and compromised immune systems. its worth looking into if you know anyone sick.

life is complicated but good. never a dull moment.
 
My cat is getting very intense. She is desperately hoping for an early dinner and seems to think rubbing my beard/face constantly, staring at me and very loudly meowing and throwing herself on the floor is the way to achieve this.

I think its working too :)

levels said:
I'm tempted to ask my dad to do 3-MeO-PCP with me. We chatted last night. I was sober as was he and the conversation was about drugs. There's a barrier. It's like, I know you're a really wholesome person but what you're asking comes from a place of lack of understanding. I feel it coming from a place of love. He'll likely say no. He's in his seventies. He does the same breathwork I do though, he introduced me to The Presence Process by Michael Brown and never finished it. That book became my bible for a while and I spent 4 years obsessed with it. He does the same breathwork I do now occasionally. I introduced him to it and he loves it but still tries to explain it away sometimes. He has similar experiences as me. he respects who I am.

My mom is the one that got fucked by drugs. She has a psychiatric illness and has to take lithium all the time. She's sensitive. Like a flower, but goes on in circles all the time. She's the purest of us all though in a way she is also the most difficult. They gave her electroshock in the seventies many times, probably didn't help. Sometimes she goes psychotic. We give her anti-psychotics for a few weeks when that happens but then stop. It's not the conventional way to treat this illness but it works for her. He's lived his life generally pure and free of drugs. My mom takes lithium. Anti-psychotics when an episode starts. My dad takes 1-2 glasses of wine or scotch when he falls into that, but he's generally sober and present and I could care less. I used to drink 24+ beers a day for a while just to function.

My shit was heavy. He tried ecstasy with a therapist on his own quest for freedom once in the late 90's and ended up falling in love with the therapist. Cheated on my mom. Almost tore our family apart. This is all true. So anyways, I want to quit. I aspire to be more like him. Just acknowledge the beauty of what I feel, so we can really talk, instead of playing games. Is that foolish of me?

Edit:
Answering my own question. Probably wrong idea. Sorry, this has me more worked up than I've been in a while. I got an idea about how to handle this today that I'm really excited about that doesn't involved doing drugs with my dad. Lol. Take care all
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Very interesting anecdote, I feel I got to know you better :). I'm curious as to what decision you came up with . . .
 
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@Jammin, that suck man. CFS sounds like a drag. Let us know how your treatment goes. Never tried colloidal silver. I was amazed by the health benefits I got from alkalinizing my body. It was a pretty serious dietary commitment. It took a pretty drastic commitment, but between the detoxification properties, the intestinal flora changes and the overall health and vitality it was pretty dramatic change. I'm not currently on it but I still drink a glass of lemon juice in the morning and eat lots of raw greens and my body is healthier and more vital now than when I was in my early twenties. Every morning I'd pee on a pH stick and when I peed higher than pH 7 it was cause for celebration cause you kinda earned it. That was one of the more challenging diets ever for me aside from some fasts I've done. Dissociatives helped me deal with the withdrawals from the coffee and sugar which were maddening. That disso bit is not advice, more of a confession.

@swilow ha ha, cats are pretty dramatic like that. Don't fall for it man, it's all an act. I'm going to have to ask my breathwork facilitator to moderate a discussion between the two of us followed by a breathwork session to integrate it. This is assuming all parties will abide. I'm sort of embarrassed by all this but it's all very relevant to my public persona on Bluelight. When I dropped out of grad school I was useless to the world. Completely non functional human. Psychiatrists, therapists, etc. nobody could help me. I had real help and I tried. I brought myself back with psychedelics, breathwork and a commitment to personal growth. It was my quest and there was a power behind it. Eventually, well, the psychedelics and surrounding lifestyle became a pretty big thing for me. I overdid it. I wanted to be a shaman. Yes, the filthy soi disant kinda shaman. The worst kind =D I was done with my old way of being. Well, my family who had been very supportive of my recovery became very concerned when I began to open up to this. They were previously excited about my recovery from the grave of depression but now saw it in this unnatural light and began to corner me. My brother threw away my very impressive stash of psychedelics and research chemicals which was a tragedy for me and a dagger to my heart at the time. I was thrust back into the cold grips of reality, getting a job and aspiring towards an ordinary life. I turned it off for the most part and complied. There was obviously a part of me that was over-compensating. Five + years have passed, I've sort of integrated back into the world after all that. Am rediscovering some of the states of awareness left behind with my more recent explorations. Gonna try and handle it better this time around.
 
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@jammin, I'm not sure I can give a complete answer regarding your IV glutathione question. First, IVing anything is counter-intuitive, but in the case of glutathione (it being a peptide, which breaks down in the stomach and has low BA) it may work. I would, though, try oral acetylcysteine. It's sold here (in Eastern Europe) over the counter, for quite a price, but still OK. It's a precursor to glutathione (the limiting factor in its synthesis in the body, usually used in paracetamol OD). There are also online vendors if you want to save your buck. Just don't IV a peptide, I wouldn't.
 
ok, just curious about making my own solution. seems a tricky thing to get in the bloodstream but magical when it happens. i guess plugging it will have to be my ROA. i presume you are talking about NAC? thats on my list of things for my detox. seems promising.

curious as to whats wrong with iv a peptide? what would clinics use in a solution? don't bother if you dont have the time. thank you for the insight.

swilow: sorry for making a mess in your forum. you know i was provoked. i was trying to be civil. its why i don't post much, can't seem to stay out of a jam but damn if people dont piss me off. a part of me would like to be social until i interact with people.

edit: has anyone heard from Jess? i know we didn't always get along but i was feeling like she was getting sucked into the abyss. hope shes ok.
 
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Well, basically, I'll just repeat myself: IVing anything that may be poorly soluble (glutathione being a peptide and all) should be last choice. NAC is N-acetylcysteine, just what I was talking about. You can get it OTC here (and probably in US too), and it has like 10% oral BA, surely better rectally if you're willing. It's just a better solution than IVing the tripeptide (glutathione) itself. I hope it helps. Maybe it's just me, but I would go for oral instead of IV even if it worked just a little worse - there's many disadvantages to IVing things compared to oral or rectal.
 
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