Mellabopper
Bluelighter
if you would even take a second
and try to understand
see
who I really am
if you would let down your views
of society
and how a girl should be
you might then see
that I'm just trying to live
my life
and I'm trying not to forget
how to be free
but you want to lock me in a cage
that is under your guidance
and turn me into
a miniature version
of what you never could be
but don’t you see
that inside I am dying
sometimes I wish I would
because
I'm breaking down
at the thought of anything at all.
and the spirit
that I so recently found
is falling into a pit
of nothingness
you ask me to give it all up
my happiness
my life
my identity
my soul
just so others will look upon me
with a good eye
and so you can proudly present me
based on my looks
the very thing that I chose not to care about
instead I went against what others wanted
to show them
that my appearance doesn’t matter
but you
are trying to kill me
murder my soul -
its screaming
but no one hears
because there is no one to scream to anymore
and I cry
from the inside out
until I am left
with nothing
except the very things
I did not want to be -
the very things
you always wanted me to be
and with your happiness
comes
my the death of my soul.
I have no choice but to let you win.
and without an identity,
one I took so long to find,
I am left
with nothing at all
nothing left to fight for
nothing to strive for
nothing to live for
not even myself.
and I know that
as long as you are completely happy
I will never be
because you wont compromise
you will just rape me of my soul
and I tried so hard to hang on
but at last, I must let go.
I know appearance doesn’t make a person
but you will never accept this theory.
and the fact that this theory is so important in my life
almost means you will never even try to understand.
so to my true self
I must say goodbye
and during the while,
slowly,
I watch myself die.
5-21-01
Mellabopper
and try to understand
see
who I really am
if you would let down your views
of society
and how a girl should be
you might then see
that I'm just trying to live
my life
and I'm trying not to forget
how to be free
but you want to lock me in a cage
that is under your guidance
and turn me into
a miniature version
of what you never could be
but don’t you see
that inside I am dying
sometimes I wish I would
because
I'm breaking down
at the thought of anything at all.
and the spirit
that I so recently found
is falling into a pit
of nothingness
you ask me to give it all up
my happiness
my life
my identity
my soul
just so others will look upon me
with a good eye
and so you can proudly present me
based on my looks
the very thing that I chose not to care about
instead I went against what others wanted
to show them
that my appearance doesn’t matter
but you
are trying to kill me
murder my soul -
its screaming
but no one hears
because there is no one to scream to anymore
and I cry
from the inside out
until I am left
with nothing
except the very things
I did not want to be -
the very things
you always wanted me to be
and with your happiness
comes
my the death of my soul.
I have no choice but to let you win.
and without an identity,
one I took so long to find,
I am left
with nothing at all
nothing left to fight for
nothing to strive for
nothing to live for
not even myself.
and I know that
as long as you are completely happy
I will never be
because you wont compromise
you will just rape me of my soul
and I tried so hard to hang on
but at last, I must let go.
I know appearance doesn’t make a person
but you will never accept this theory.
and the fact that this theory is so important in my life
almost means you will never even try to understand.
so to my true self
I must say goodbye
and during the while,
slowly,
I watch myself die.
5-21-01
Mellabopper
