The death of loved ones...

[ocean]

My sister depended on her big sister. She depended on me. I didn't save her. I couldn't.

She depended on her father, mother, big brother... where was everyone?

Where was God? I don't understand.

Why couldn't anyone save her? She didn't do anything. She was only eleven.

I'm so sorry for your loss
I can't imagine the pain you are going through.

I have lost friends but never an immediate family member (grandparents, so I understand the thought of someone having lived a full life and accepting that easier than somone dying young)-
I imagine that your father and sister would want you to find a renewed appreciation for the life you have been given.
I miscarried which hit me very hard and I found myself feeling similarly to you.
Placing blame and questioning, yourself, others or "God" is natural.

Let your sister live through your heart and love for her.

Everyone grieves differently and there is no wrong way-
I have found that finding a symbol of the people I've loved and lost (through death and in other ways) and keeping their memory alive helps ease the pain.
Is there something you have of your sisters, or something that your sister was passionate about that you can invest your time in? Maybe dedicate some time and heart into things that would help you honor her......

We are all here if you want to talk. Just a PM away


Here is a quote I thought you might like

Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.
~Rossiter Worthington Raymond