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The Death of A Relationship

ashaman

ashaman

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 2, 2003
Messages
887
Location
Aussie Now!
This is a shakespearian style poem i wrote about the death of a relationship. Hope you like it.




Come, let us drink in memory,

With the drink that burns in flame.

For it was the beginning of our harmony,

And it mattered not that it ended in hurt and blame.

For just as the beautiful rose grows and dies

Its intricate petals blossoms and wilt,

Our love blossoms but ends in lies,

Leaving nothing but pain and guilt.

Time's cruel hands runs the same fate,

To the pretty and the ugly flowers alike

And to defy fate is condemn yourself to hate,

To endless torment and endless fight.

But in my memory, you will still be the same

The same beautiful you- without the games.
 
Wow, is this ashaman I'm reading? Ashaman the Poet now :P

It's beautiful. Thank you. And indeed...with the drink that burns in flame...the beginning of our harmony...it mattered not that it ended in hurt and shame. I feel a prickly touchedness in my chest.

A sidenote, I think even noo, who's so strict to the adherence of the form,will be content with your 'shakespearian style' dub, abab cdcd ee, 14 lines, though the syllables are different and lacking in iambic pentameter.

This is indeed, the best summary of our end. *smiles* I love the couplet at the end - it is the way I would choose to remember you, and myself too.

Dude, your writing more and better poetry than I have ever wrote in my life. Ever thought about going into the arts? "The pratice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow."
 
i couldnt give a dog's piss about noo's content about MY poem.

One thing i noticed about shakespearian couplets is it changes the whole poem at the end. arrogantly, or modestly, i like what i've written.

And yes, of course i've considered going into the arts. Thats what im doing now; its a nice hobby, and strangely, all of my poems take less than 20 mins to write. but what do i do with the poems? sell it to hollywood or something? haha.

I would like more comments from the fellow bluelight writers... they dont comment enough! (thanks tech as heck!)
 
Poems are a snapshot of your own emotions...captured in elaborate arrangements of few words...I think it's emotionally satisfying enough without having to do anything with it :P Or you can write it for me for MY emotional satisfaction :P hehe

I think the couplet at the end of sonnets usually acts as a conclusion...or change in the content/tone.

Reading it again, and smiling at how fitting the sounds are. Ah, indeed, indeed.

Who gives a dog's piss about bluelight writer's opinons? Bluelight is for drugs, drugs, drugs!
 
Hi ashaman.

I don't speak for the other writers in this forum, but often there are so many good poems being posted each week it's hard to comment on each one - i know for myself it takes so much to get my own words out that there's often little left for fellow BL'ers :\

As for your poem I liked it a lot, good flow. Imagery wasn;t over the top either - just right to drive the feelings home.
 
yeah i know exactly what you mean, i wasn't accusing (well, sort of anyway! :P) but more like commenting.
 
I liked this... different in style to most pieces that get posted here.

Quite a good depiction of how many r'ships end!!

Nice work :)
 
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