Struggling with An awful lot of suicidal thoughts lately. It's hard to cope with PTSD, isolated from the world and having really no way in life. My compass is pointing at all sides like crazy. I'm very tired, super tired from everything.
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Sending you a lot of love and strength nznity. I too am struggling with my cPTSD a lot lately, a lot of triggers, but my situation is vastly different to yours. I know you're really limited, physically and financially but I wish that you could perhaps get some online support, some online counselling perhaps? Do you think that might help?
AngelsandFairiesarereal
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I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’ve been dealing with similar. Struggling with PTSD & permanent injuries from my ex trying to murder me. Don’t give up hope, I know that’s extremely hard to do. I will hold some hope for you rite now if you feel you can’t. You’re not alone in feeling alone if that makes any sense
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@Senior Moderator thx both for the kind words, rn morphine is keeping me alive. Believe it or not, opiates are not just the best analgesics but also the best antidepressants out there. Although, my stash is running out pretty fast. Idk what the fuvk I'm gonna do then...but for now I feel ok and no pain at all...I’m sorry you’re struggling. I’ve been dealing with similar. Struggling with PTSD & permanent injuries from my ex trying to murder me. Don’t give up hope, I know that’s extremely hard to do. I will hold some hope for you rite now if you feel you can’t. You’re not alone in feeling alone if that makes any sense
Gentle hug
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I too have a permanent injury from my ex trying to murder me 8 years ago. He strangled me so hard that he snapped the cartilage around my larynx. I am a singer and it has permanently damaged my singing voice. Such a shame. So I haven't performed since then. But I can and do still sing, just at home. I will perform again one day when I build up enough confidence again. I hope you're okay. Please take good care of yourself
AngelsandFairiesarereal
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I’m so sorry all you have been through & that you can understand. I bet you sing beautifully. It’s so hard because I feel these things change us in a way but with work it shows how strong we can be & to still maintain a beautiful spirit shows something very special. I hope that made sense, I’m a little sleepy today.I too have a permanent injury from my ex trying to murder me 8 years ago. He strangled me so hard that he snapped the cartilage around my larynx. I am a singer and it has permanently damaged my singing voice. Such a shame. So I haven't performed since then. But I can and do still sing, just at home. I will perform again one day when I build up enough confidence again. I hope you're okay. Please take good care of yourself
I almost died in my whole ordeal & managed to barely escape. I literally had to put my jaw back into place myself as I was escaping, had significant jaw/neck trauma as well. It’s interesting you mention singing because one of my rescue cats I have will sit on my lap & as my jaws been slowly healing a bit I sing to him (the singing helps loosen my jaw a little like physical therapy & soothes him since he was rescued from some stuff as well & he gets scared a lot). I have a lot of injuries from it all but every day fight to be a survivor.
Thank you for your kindness, I can tell that you are a survivor too
I’m so glad you keep singing
Many blessings & gentlest of hugs to you
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Thank you for your words of validationI’m so sorry all you have been through & that you can understand. I bet you sing beautifully. It’s so hard because I feel these things change us in a way but with work it shows how strong we can be & to still maintain a beautiful spirit shows something very special. I hope that made sense, I’m a little sleepy today.
I almost died in my whole ordeal & managed to barely escape. I literally had to put my jaw back into place myself as I was escaping, had significant jaw/neck trauma as well. It’s interesting you mention singing because one of my rescue cats I have will sit on my lap & as my jaws been slowly healing a bit I sing to him (the singing helps loosen my jaw a little like physical therapy & soothes him since he was rescued from some stuff as well & he gets scared a lot). I have a lot of injuries from it all but every day fight to be a survivor.
Thank you for your kindness, I can tell that you are a survivor too
I’m so glad you keep singing
Many blessings & gentlest of hugs to you
I too am so sorry you have endured such cruel and despicable violence. I LOVE that you are incorporating singing in to your healing process (and your kitty's too!). Not only is it helping your jaw regain movement but singing also produces endorphins, which make you feel good and act as a natural mood stabiliser. Wonderful use of music therapy in your recovery, well done
And I love that you use the word "survivor" rather than "victim". I definitely believe myself to be a survivor, and not a victim. There is a big difference, huh.
Huge love to you, and keep doing what you're doing xxx
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No kratom or subs, and my IBS is back with a vengeance. Plus my fucking doctor hasn't filled my Vyvanse. It could strike at any moment. Which is why I needy fucking coworker whos break ended a couple mins ago to get it in gear so I can make my less than graceful exit to the bathroom and then drown my sorrys in a bottle of benzos just to make it through this shift without kirking.
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How you doing now? Be careful with those benzos...
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Trying my best but it's about the only means I have to drown my sorrows. I've realized exactly how much I'm consuming which is completely unsustainable so gonna work it down a little bit. I think I took 30mgs of bromazolam yesterday. Which is wild because that would knock most people out.
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I'm about to go to urgent care. Since my stepdad coming home from surgery we can't take any risks that I'm actually sick. I think it's just standard allergies as I have them bad this time of year but it's particularly miserable. It used to be so bad I'd have prolific nosebleeds, but had a procedure when I was younger where they stuck a hot poker up there and cauterized a blood vessel. Seemed to do the trick I only get the nosebleeds very seldomly now.
Nurse Ratched
Bluelight Crew
Let us know how the appt. goes. Yeah, the last thing you want is to get your step dad sick .
Hope they can give you a strong inhalant type nose de-plugger/drier upper that helps better than the OTC stuff.
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She took one look in my ear and said I had an ear infection/upper respiratory infection. I knew I felt too bad to be simple allergies.
Prescribed amoxicillin, and the best news of all is I got them to stretch that old doctors note out a couple more days so I can spend my time with you fine folks.
AlsoTapered
Bluelighter
One not very nice fact about REALLY wanting to stop is having nightmares of using. For years I would dream of drinking alcohol. 20 years on I had nightmares of TRYING to obtain codeine and somehow the bus didn't stop, the pharmacy was out and so on... and the anxiety of NOT getting the stuff.
<please do not disclose amounts of unused drugs you have - SMod> Even when using just exactly as it says so on the box. I wish I didn't need it, but I can't walk without it, so I'm stuck. BTW no, I cannot use a wheelchair either - it puts pressure onto my hip.... or what remains of it.
<please do not disclose amounts of unused drugs you have - SMod> Even when using just exactly as it says so on the box. I wish I didn't need it, but I can't walk without it, so I'm stuck. BTW no, I cannot use a wheelchair either - it puts pressure onto my hip.... or what remains of it.
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Jabberwocky
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I hate those dreams and have them often, something weird always goes wrong preventing me from using.
AlsoTapered
Bluelighter
All I can tell you is that they DO stop eventually. Eventually your subconscious catches on to your not needing them... but it shows that even our dreams are pointing out that this is not a good path.
If 27/7 dispensing machines were available... no problem. But of course, then we would be subject to our subconscious demanding MORE.
If 27/7 dispensing machines were available... no problem. But of course, then we would be subject to our subconscious demanding MORE.
I watched that about 2 days ago actually. It's one of the better ones in the series