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The Dark Side of the MXE Experience

N

Ninae

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Joined
Mar 18, 2010
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Anyone else have any experience with this?

I've always found it very dysphoric without benzos (which makes it euphoric and takes away the pychedelic effects) and the "hole" hellish. I don't know why, it just seems to bring out the darker aspects of my subconscience, and make my mind obsessively revolve around my negative feelings and focus on all the bad things in my life and human life (like 100 x worse than normal).

As an example, one recurring experience I've had in the hole, and I've only recently become aware it's recurring, is when I'm so deep in the hole I no longer have any touch with reality or control of my consciouness. I hear this terrible piping sound (anyone acquinted with the sound?) and look myself in the mirror and my face is terribly deformed, my mouth melted into a hideous shape, and this fills me with complete terror and a horrible sense of doom.

I only noticed it was a recurring thing when it happened again a while ago and I thought "Hey, I've experienced this before in the hole". And now for the third time, last weekend, I fell into more shallow hole but enough to have the same experience again. The look of my face again filled me with sheer horror and intense suffering. Only this time I also became aware of being surrounded by hideous looking beings, who I perceived as "demons" or evils spirits who I then realised were holding me in the experience and deriving great pleasure from torturing me that way.

As soon as I become aware of this, and because I wasn't so deep in the hole this time, I raised myself up and shook myself out of the experience. It vanished instantly, and I realised how you have the power to easily take yourself out of the nightmarish states you can be put in by dissociatives/psychedelics, just by being aware of it and making a conscious effort of will to change your focus or, probably, putting on some music or a movie.

I would be very interested in hearing from anyone with similar experiences. I'm sure this is nothing new to those more experienced wth pychedelics, I just don't happen to be, and the experiences I have are connected to my own person demons/unconcious fears for sure, which will be unique to everyone.

Just thought it might be a warning to anyone new to or considering experimenting with these type of drugs. Please be careful everyone as it can no doubt lead to serious psychosis and if you're very mentally fragile you might not recover from it. It's not for everyone and anyone risking it have a lot of balls/stupidity.
 
Have you tried other dissociatives?

They can be very introspective, and quite peculiar in the inherent bizarre/strange/unusual state of mind that is dissociation.

I also think this is the wrong forum. Let me sum up your post:
1. I had a negative trip
2. The infamous 'dissociative epiphany' occurred and gave me perspective
3. I wasn't actually holing so I focused my attention on something else
4. Let's make a thread in the philosophy and spirituality forum about the dangers of psychosis that evil spirits will impose on you if you keep using drugs to open the gateways to hell allowed them to TORTURE YOU.

Seriously man, go have a rest.
Look back on this in a more grounded state of mind, please.
 
Right, sure, it could might as well be in Psychedelics...but it was also rightfully a spiritual experience, in the sense that it connected me with the invisible world and the beings in it...which I guess all psychedelics can.

Still, I don't think it's out of place here and wanted to bring a focus on this side of MXE in particular...rather than it getting lost in one of the MXE threads. At least I think it was a valid point as this aspect of the drug can do no small harm, and who knows who might be reading this that could be helped by it.

It's a bit more than just crazy trip rambling and I'm stone-cold sober now.
 
If chemicals induce spirituality, what worth does that put on spirituality?
Don't get me wrong, dissociative trips are cool, but do you sincerely believe it connected you to another world? To real beings?
It just took you to the unexplored parts of your mind, not the universe.

As I asked, have you done any other dissociatives? This kind of stuff isn't exclusive to MXE, nor is it a bad trait in any way.
It is a characteristic of some dissociatives, some people like it and some don't.
For those of you who don't, for those who it affects negatively, I'd suggest they don't do dissociatives.

"this aspect of the drug can do no small harm"
I'm not sure what you mean there

Information is good for the uninformed, but even still I'd say there are other aspects of dissociatives that warrant at least trying one, once.
I'm not sure what help is actually coming from it, and if the mods agree then I've no problems with this thread being here.

I probably should have just kept lurking, but hey, I hope you enjoyed our lovely interaction ;)

Also, don't take this the wrong way as your reply seems quite decent, but I'd just like to add in that being grounded =/= sobriety
 
Ninae said:
Anyone else have any experience with this?

I've always found it very dysphoric without benzos (which makes it euphoric and takes away the pychedelic effects) and the "hole" hellish. I don't know why, it just seems to bring out the darker aspects of my subconscience, and make my mind obsessively revolve around my negative feelings and focus on all the bad things in my life and human life (like 100 x worse than normal).

As an example, one recurring experience I've had in the hole, and I've only recently become aware it's recurring, is when I'm so deep in the hole I no longer have any touch with reality or control of my consciouness. I hear this terrible piping sound (anyone acquinted with the sound?) and look myself in the mirror and my face is terribly deformed, my mouth melted into a hideous shape, and this fills me with complete terror and a horrible sense of doom.

I only noticed it was a recurring thing when it happened again a while ago and I thought "Hey, I've experienced this before in the hole". And now for the third time, last weekend, I fell into more shallow hole but enough to have the same experience again. The look of my face again filled me with sheer horror and intense suffering. Only this time I also became aware of being surrounded by hideous looking beings, who I perceived as "demons" or evils spirits who I then realised were holding me in the experience and deriving great pleasure from torturing me that way.

As soon as I become aware of this, and because I wasn't so deep in the hole this time, I raised myself up and shook myself out of the experience. It vanished instantly, and I realised how you have the power to easily take yourself out of the nightmarish states you can be put in by dissociatives/psychedelics, just by being aware of it and making a conscious effort of will to change your focus or, probably, putting on some music or a movie.

I would be very interested in hearing from anyone with similar experiences. I'm sure this is nothing new to those more experienced wth pychedelics, I just don't happen to be, and the experiences I have are connected to my own person demons/unconcious fears for sure, which will be unique to everyone.

Just thought it might be a warning to anyone new to or considering experimenting with these type of drugs. Please be careful everyone as it can no doubt lead to serious psychosis and if you're very mentally fragile you might not recover from it. It's not for everyone and anyone risking it have a lot of balls/stupidity.
Click to expand...


I have tried MXE probably close to 50 times and I have only really over done it and found myself in a hole maybe 3 times? But when you do push it too far the hole is a lot worse than say a K hole as you say.
When I have found myself in a hole on MXE sound seems to echo around and I can't quite focus on one sound. You lose touch with everything going on around you and just turn into an absolute mess haha. I know what you mean about your reflection as well, it looks horrible. One of my friends who has taken MXE as much as I have was looking at himself in the mirror and said he could see himself ageing.

It certainly has a dark side but overall I have enjoyed it, its just that time when you push it a little bit too far!
 
Changed the title to include short-term negatives but not long-term problems like health issues and addiction. We have other subthreads for that so I just wanted to be careful.
 
Ninae said:
I hear this terrible piping sound (anyone acquinted with the sound?) and look myself in the mirror and my face is terribly deformed, my mouth melted into a hideous shape, and this fills me with complete terror and a horrible sense of doom.
Click to expand...

You're the first person i know who's also referring to that sound. Here's my quote

I don't know if this is exactly what i experienced, but especially after having one single high dose, i almost every time have a strange experience of my head, or face, getting sucked into some kind of massive colourful vortex, accompanied by an even more bizarre noise. It's disgusting!

This is also part of a TR i'm working on.
Click to expand...

How do you dose? Big single doses or staggered ones?
 
Can someone elaborate this whole mirror horror thing?

I was thinking of getting some of this stuff, but a trip report i read about a year ago spoke of how the user looked in the mirror and say himself with horns and a disfigured and terrible face and perceived himself as the devil was sort of, seeping into his body and taking it over.

I mean, you all seem to enjoy it and generally people do, but I cannot think of something more horrifying than I keep reading described about this mirror thing.
 
I dont know what some people consider an m/hole and same can go for k hole, but for me it when your in a darkly lit room and something about the music thats on and the vibe you have going that everything lines up perfectly, you're lying down and you close your eyes and bam your legs or arms start to lift up in the air and you start sliding up the wall and floating through the air going side to sided up and down and you're having some one the most amazing closed eye visuals and you're just awestruck, or same when you're in a darkly lit rooms and you're lying down and you're in a darkly lit rooms and youe eyes are open and it feels like your bodys on on of those floating rafts in the swimmping pool and you're having full on hallucinations not just visuals like things slowely morphing into things that are not there, combined with the mental euphoria and all the "ahh ha" lightbulb moments about life and insight into things. To me those type of holes are the best experience any chemical can give me, and the eeire or weird darkness just makes it so much more interesting,almost like the darkness draws you in. If im up and able to walk around and what not I dont quite consider it a hole. Though with mxe its kind of hard to always get to that point all the time, it requires very high doses and still only happenes maybe 30-40% of the time.
 
Abject said:
As I asked, have you done any other dissociatives? This kind of stuff isn't exclusive to MXE, nor is it a bad trait in any way.
It is a characteristic of some dissociatives, some people like it and some don't.
For those of you who don't, for those who it affects negatively, I'd suggest they don't do dissociatives.
Click to expand...

Not really, but it wasn't really made for those like you who are familiar with the effects of all psychedelic drugs and can deal with the use of it. They would have no need for reading anything like this but there will also be those who are naive to these drugs and don't know what they're getting into, and yes, from experience I would say it has potential to do both much physical and psychological harm.

MXE is particularly dangerous as it's so cheap, can be so easily available, and the amounts you need to fully hole are so tiny to someone without tolerance compared to many other drugs. At least it should only be taken in the safety of your own home if you don't know how to control it. Ingesting amounts large enough to start dissociating in public is VERY dangerous and in my mind they shouldn't be used in public at all as the amounts needed to get to a critical state can wary so much depending on the product and tolerance.

I don't even see how it's even possible to control, except with luck, when just after a few days' break the same amounts that only worked as a stimulant the last time now can put you in a hole. It's like one time you're safe, next time you're not.

Do I think all this is irrelevant because there are people like you who know how to take care of themselves? No, I do not, as long as there is one person who can't. Those who preach that drugs are safe if people just wouldn't be idiots are not really helping. There is a very long learning curve, besides other qualities needed, to be able to use all drugs safely.

I think the more common problem is that people aren't aware of their own idiocy and the risks they're taking by using unofficial drugs that aren't verifiable in potency and content. More than the fact that you don't need to be an idiot about it when there is no actual way for most to make sure they use 100% safely.
 
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I've never actually looked myself in the mirror. I was having these nightmarish visions with open and closed eye visuals. Was thinking it probably has something to do with my subconscious fears, and thought it was something more individual, so I'm surprised to hear others have experienced the same.

But then again the experience of sudden disfigurement (or aging, as you said) isn't something anyone would appreciate so maybe it's a common way of being tortured like seeing demons or evil spirits? Just the last time I became aware of other "consciousnesses" that was enjoying keeping me in that state and that horrified me. I guess as now it also involved someone doing me harm and not just my own delusions.

Though it's really mostly hard on your ego and vanity and shouldn't be so hard to get over, especially when you realise it's not real, but I don't know, I found it very traumatic and it took time to recover from. Maybe it's the fear of social rejection it makes you feel? Also worse if you're female as your value is so much based on appearance.
 
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Hm... The only dissociative experienced I've had are pretty high level DXM (out of the bottle) trips, but nothing even close to what I hear described from MXE or ket.

I feel like reading this sort of stuff kinda lets the demon's out of the box for those who have yet to experience any of this though :(
 
I've never had any sort on nightmarish experience on MXE. The closest I have come to such a thing was thinking I was going to die because I had taken an antibiotic earlier in the week, then I accepted death had a pretty wild trip and had the best afterglow I've ever had from the drug. Any time a trip has gone negative it's just because of my own concerns about my actual physical safety. Like when I feel really dehydrated it scares me, and occasionally I get nauseous from MXE so that's no fun. Other than that, dissociatives have just been a strange numbness that turns into multidimensional thought loops and mind movies and wildly imaginative changes in the perception of self.... as in I feel as though I turn into an inanimate object haha. They've also provided me with a lot of good laughs, they allow me to talk about things that would otherwise gotten me really worked up, and at low doses they actually make me more sociable and wanna dance!! %)

ketamine at a huge singular dose did kinda freak me out one time but that's because I did it on 12/21/12 and I seriously thought the world was ending and I was going to be stuck in an eternity of my k-hole or something haha.. that being said, I plan to take a higher dose next time and I doubt such thoughts will be had.
 
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