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The Dark Side Check-In Thread ver. 2009 > 2008

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Checking in on a lethal combo, again, and just told I should die...Convince me otherwise, please, because I'm not in my right mind now and feel like pushing my luck. :(
 
vortex30, call emergency services if you've taken anything with a likelihood to be fatal. there are many reasons to keep living, death will come for us all eventually anyways.
 
zeph u know i hav utmost respect for u and i believe u can get thru this - im doing an outpatient program atm myself (for heroin not meth but as u know i had a giant meth problem too)
i think if the one u go to is anything like mine u will really benefit from it - im quite shy and wary of ppl at times myself (i actually think thats partly to do with the yrs of meth use)
plz report in to us and let us know how its going!
ive seen some gd advice so far regarding claire and her 'glass dick' (haha hadnt really thought of it like that but i guess thats wat it is!) - its ur call, claire
its fucking hard.....u will grieve for it.....i guess i didnt so much cos i was more of an IV user than a meth smoker
but u can do it
if u can give up meth u can give up the 'glass dick'!
any gripes for me?
not really
we got the car in time to pick up my dose so i didnt hav to end up sick or tempted to use
i keep waking in the night lately with asthma attacks atm, cant figure out why.....ive got an appointment to see a respiratory specialist at the hospital, its just a pain in the ass cos i hav to get up early evry morning to attend to maverick and i hate keeping my bf awake and having him worry about me (he has GAD like me and has a lot more things on his mind, doesnt need my health to worry about on top of things)
apart from that, cant complain
i hate attending counselling at the methadone clinic weekly cos im always, no fail, offered drugs by dodgy cunts outside, but its got to b done to stay on the subs
see....small gripes really
oh and ppl r still 'racist' towards my dog - someone walking a german shepherd (at least can do as much damage as a rottweiler) said to me 'i hope u hav that dog under control - those things r dangerous' (ozzy was just innocently snifing his dogs bum at that stage then ran off and jumped in the water with our other dog)
oh well, their problem i guess....
EDIT - vortex, after reading some of the stuff uve bn using lately ive bn a bit worried about u frankly
call the ER if uve bn told uve even had a chance of taking a lethal dose of anything
and i suggest u look into drug counselling after that, maybe, to see why u seem to b hitting the self-destruct button so often lately!
 
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We had a rottweiler next door and was the most placid and beautiful dog ever - our little terrier used to try and attack her and she just stood there and watched her. hehe she was so cute that rottweiler, and I dislike big dogs. German shepherds scare me, but I am not afraid of rottweilers because of Zoe (dog next door). Ya I am gonna give my pipe to a friend who will use it, I'll make 10 bucks out of it ;)
 
Trust me, when people are desperate and can't buy one at 2am after smashing one, they'll want it.
I don't ENCOURAGE them, they use, no stopping them man. Not my life, they want to use. You can't discourage someone from using meth. Don't work. All my mates are addicted, that's just the way it is. Nobody bothers lecturing them and refusing to give them any shards.
 
i agree with pillthrill, claire - even if ur friend is a meth user, theres only one gd place for meth pipes...the trash
its probly best to set an example and try and encourage ur friends to get off the shit rather than sell them pipes
and hayzzzz is also right - not many ppl wud b that keen on buying a second-hand pipe....theyre cheap as dirt from headshops
 
It was used once lol it's basically new. I bought it a few weeks ago and used it for one night. It's been cleaned to perfection basically.
There isn't much difference in whether I give it to them or not, I have talked to them about getting off it and they don't want to - they don't see it as a problem.
 
Day 3 of complete sobriety .. Its been hard to say the least; mania & violent thoughts are getting the best of me once more, but I've already established that I can't continue to live like this .. So if I can't make an effort to stay straight I need not waste another moment.
 
Claire, I'm not being judgemental, I just wouldn't want my friends to go through what I have.

I'm checking in as unhappy, depressed and sadly suicidal. Sean was here, and I still felt lonely. He had to sleep all day, its ok I need to accept it. He works 3rd. Idk I feel like he isn't telling me things after cleaning his car.
That he can't improve his life...life won't let him. But I makes me anxious all the time and I already have generalized anxiety.

I don't know why I feel like this when I'm on my medication. As much as I should be, when I should be. This is why I get, the why me, why someone that loves and wants to help people, why do I suffer. What did I do?

I'm sorry guys, this should maybe be in my journal. No one want what most would call a pity party.

<3 to you all, hope you are better.
 
I turn 21 in a month so i can drink. I do nothing now so i stay out of trouble. I dont plan on picking up drugs not even weed. If meds help with depression, then we'll see.
 
On the twenty-second I put aside alcohol til yesterday. My ability to use moderately did not return. I think I need at least a month before reevaluating again. So I'm taking the pledge, no alcohol til the end of February.
 
My anxiety level is just through the roof and I don't know what to do. I mess up everything in my life. I hate myself for that. Why can't I not fuck up good things. I know I'm going to. Maybe I should eat massive abouts of benzos and soma and see f I feel better. Doubt it. codeine just keep me up and makes me head pain worse. Plus I don't like choking it down and the supply is limited, if I cut it won't be satisfying unless its my wrist and if Sean wants me to meet his parents on Sat...that will make a great impression. Right now, Either he is late for work again or mad at me.
 
my life has gotten considerably complicated in the last week...
i keep missing classes and work because i'm high and really just don't care, or i'm crashing/forced myself to take some sleeping pills at 6:30 in the morning... i keep being late for everything because somehow this has that effect on me?
my mood has been crazy up and down, my body is doing weird things but i have no insurance so i don't know where to go, and i don't even know how i'm going to get my meds for next month (thank god i got my prescrip filled early for feb)....my roommate is starting to become really creeped out/annoyed/suspicous of me and so are the people i work with/my friends... and worst of all financially i'm in the hole right now.
two weeks ago things were fine, now it seems like they're getting out of control again. fuck.
 
2008 was a pretty decent year for me. Graduated from College, and was lucky enough to find a job. I cannot stop moving foward though, as the position I have no is very emotionally draining and I cannot do it for more then a year or two (Social Worker dealing with Children and Families involved with DCFS). Plus I am working ridiculous hours and not really being compensated. The agency knows that people are just struggling to find work, especially in my area (15 percent unemployment, and that is just the people looking for work) and I feel like they are taking advantage of that.

2009 has been good so far, it got really stressful over the holidays but I'm better now. Currently cutting back on the drinking, occasionally toking which I've been doing more of since cutting back on the drinking. Every thing else is a once in a great while thing so no problems there. The only other drugs I touch now is the very rare norco. I take 2C-B or MDMA (molly only) once or twice a year at a concert of event.

Financially I'm doing okay, I do not make much money at my current job at all but I've saved up quite a bit of money so far. Looking at new apartments as well.
 
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