I have always wondered why it takes a tragedy to make one see the world in a clearer light. Why it takes losing someone close to you to make one realize the precious nature of TIME. Realizing, especially, how much we take for granted, and how petty our "giant" problems turn out to be in the end.
Last Saturday was a beautiful day in sunny South Florida, and I hated the fact that I had to work an opening shift at my restaurant. The Air and Sea show was starting that day, and it's an awesome event that any self-respecting South Floridian will attend... (especially since it's free and held at the beach) to soak in the sun, swim in the ocean, and watch the jets roar by just over-head in a heart pounding boom of energy.
Alas, no people ended up showing up downtown, where I work. Obviously everyone was at the beach; and after much pleading and begging I was let out early. In a rush of excitement I called my friends, and we all met up at the beach. We had a great time, and my pale ass (who lives a few blocks from the beach, and yet has hardly any time to go down there during daylight hours) actually got some sun, though mostly freckles... who am I to complain?
After the show I happily said my goodbyes to my friends, and headed home. On the walk to my apartment I decided to call my dad (we're very close, especially since I'm not on speaking terms with my mother) to let him know that I actually got out of working THIS year to go to the Air & Sea show, and tell him all about my exciting day.
Well.... reality always manages to bite you in the ass at the most inopportune moments, and cut ya down to size. I'm not to going to go into details... but immediately into my conversation with my dad, he informed me that one of my very close and very young (my age) relatives had died the night before. All I'm going to say is... he went to sleep and he never woke up.
We had to drive a grueling 15 hours to go to the viewing and funeral... which was hard in and of itself. Then sharing the pain of loss with my family, and nobody could stop crying or even talk about it. The hardest part was accepting that a life so young and beautiful was gone. My way of saying goodbye was to sing at the funeral, which was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, since I sang it without music in the eerily quiet chapel, filled with the gentle sobbing of many friends and family. It was SO difficult to compose myself enough to sing.... but, I had to do it, in order to have closure. I sang an original song that was the first track I've ever recorded in a professional recording studio for my demo, and he was one of the first people to hear it when I played it for him last summer... he liked the song (he especially liked the beat of the remix heh), and somehow I know he heard me and appreciated it again, at his funeral.
My cousin and I always had a great love for music and the arts. Growing up, I'd always spend my summers up north with that side of the family. He and I always appreciated and loved the same kind of music. In fact, just in the recent couple of years we realized we had been into the same exact "scene", music, etc... even though we hadn't really hung out since we were younger. This past summer we talked about getting together and catching up.... maybe going to see some of our favorite DJs together, if he could come down to SFL to visit, or I could come up north to visit. We especially wanted to catch up as far as my music, and his art and music (he was learning to play the guitar.) We didn't get the chance... and now he's gone.
We just got back early this morning with me doing the majority of the driving, being a "night-owl" and all... and upon taking a brief nap filled with odd dreams/nightmares (mostly about me standing on the edge of a cliff and jumping.... and somebody catching me and pulling me back to safety) I woke up with a new song in my head. It seems really morbid at this early stage, but the finished product will be something very Radiohead/Coldplay-esque.... dark, yet beautiful.
I know my cousin is in a better place. A place where there is no more pain, and all the beauty in the world is made clear. A place where there are no more tears, no more addictions, and there is an understanding. An understanding that nobody is perfect, and the only thing that matters is how a person treats others during their lifetime. My cousin was so full of life, kindness, and compassion... and most of all... LOVE. He will be greatly missed, especially by me, since I painfully regret not having the opportunity to spend more time with him and share in things that we obviously had in common, including the pain (at times) of living. I now see that I can't allow myself to get depressed over petty things... because life is VERY precious. I can only thank him for time we did have, and especially remember the innocence of our youth when we were kids. I know that someday I will see him again... with that beautiful smile on his face, and that sparkle in his eyes; and I'll be ready to deliver that great big hug that I've been waiting a long time to give him.
This is the song i woke up with in my head after my nap:
A girl dreamt she was standing on the edge…
The mountain side below was gently etched…
She said that she would “never ever jump…”
But somebody caught her, but somebody caught her…
Somebody caught her….
(repeat 1x)
There was a boy who lived life on the edge…
Filled with spirit and love, dreams in his head…
He said he hated living on the edge….
Nobody could save him…. Nobody could save him……
Nobody could save him….
(repeat 1x)
~RIP dear cousin... You will never be forgotten.~
Last Saturday was a beautiful day in sunny South Florida, and I hated the fact that I had to work an opening shift at my restaurant. The Air and Sea show was starting that day, and it's an awesome event that any self-respecting South Floridian will attend... (especially since it's free and held at the beach) to soak in the sun, swim in the ocean, and watch the jets roar by just over-head in a heart pounding boom of energy.
Alas, no people ended up showing up downtown, where I work. Obviously everyone was at the beach; and after much pleading and begging I was let out early. In a rush of excitement I called my friends, and we all met up at the beach. We had a great time, and my pale ass (who lives a few blocks from the beach, and yet has hardly any time to go down there during daylight hours) actually got some sun, though mostly freckles... who am I to complain?
After the show I happily said my goodbyes to my friends, and headed home. On the walk to my apartment I decided to call my dad (we're very close, especially since I'm not on speaking terms with my mother) to let him know that I actually got out of working THIS year to go to the Air & Sea show, and tell him all about my exciting day.
Well.... reality always manages to bite you in the ass at the most inopportune moments, and cut ya down to size. I'm not to going to go into details... but immediately into my conversation with my dad, he informed me that one of my very close and very young (my age) relatives had died the night before. All I'm going to say is... he went to sleep and he never woke up.
We had to drive a grueling 15 hours to go to the viewing and funeral... which was hard in and of itself. Then sharing the pain of loss with my family, and nobody could stop crying or even talk about it. The hardest part was accepting that a life so young and beautiful was gone. My way of saying goodbye was to sing at the funeral, which was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, since I sang it without music in the eerily quiet chapel, filled with the gentle sobbing of many friends and family. It was SO difficult to compose myself enough to sing.... but, I had to do it, in order to have closure. I sang an original song that was the first track I've ever recorded in a professional recording studio for my demo, and he was one of the first people to hear it when I played it for him last summer... he liked the song (he especially liked the beat of the remix heh), and somehow I know he heard me and appreciated it again, at his funeral.
My cousin and I always had a great love for music and the arts. Growing up, I'd always spend my summers up north with that side of the family. He and I always appreciated and loved the same kind of music. In fact, just in the recent couple of years we realized we had been into the same exact "scene", music, etc... even though we hadn't really hung out since we were younger. This past summer we talked about getting together and catching up.... maybe going to see some of our favorite DJs together, if he could come down to SFL to visit, or I could come up north to visit. We especially wanted to catch up as far as my music, and his art and music (he was learning to play the guitar.) We didn't get the chance... and now he's gone.
We just got back early this morning with me doing the majority of the driving, being a "night-owl" and all... and upon taking a brief nap filled with odd dreams/nightmares (mostly about me standing on the edge of a cliff and jumping.... and somebody catching me and pulling me back to safety) I woke up with a new song in my head. It seems really morbid at this early stage, but the finished product will be something very Radiohead/Coldplay-esque.... dark, yet beautiful.
I know my cousin is in a better place. A place where there is no more pain, and all the beauty in the world is made clear. A place where there are no more tears, no more addictions, and there is an understanding. An understanding that nobody is perfect, and the only thing that matters is how a person treats others during their lifetime. My cousin was so full of life, kindness, and compassion... and most of all... LOVE. He will be greatly missed, especially by me, since I painfully regret not having the opportunity to spend more time with him and share in things that we obviously had in common, including the pain (at times) of living. I now see that I can't allow myself to get depressed over petty things... because life is VERY precious. I can only thank him for time we did have, and especially remember the innocence of our youth when we were kids. I know that someday I will see him again... with that beautiful smile on his face, and that sparkle in his eyes; and I'll be ready to deliver that great big hug that I've been waiting a long time to give him.
This is the song i woke up with in my head after my nap:
A girl dreamt she was standing on the edge…
The mountain side below was gently etched…
She said that she would “never ever jump…”
But somebody caught her, but somebody caught her…
Somebody caught her….
(repeat 1x)
There was a boy who lived life on the edge…
Filled with spirit and love, dreams in his head…
He said he hated living on the edge….
Nobody could save him…. Nobody could save him……
Nobody could save him….
(repeat 1x)
~RIP dear cousin... You will never be forgotten.~
