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Cocaine The Cravings Are Ridiculous

I

I'm-Still-Alive

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2015
Messages
155
Location
New York
So, it's been a hot minute since I've used. I don't currently have a job right now so I have no money to buy any coke, but goddamn dude, the cravings to get some and shoot it are unreal. I am DYING. I just want a nice fat shot to have that bell-ringer. I don't have the privacy to use anymore though since I moved in with my boyfriend and he is constantly home. I can't go out and use with friends. I literally am just struggling with these cravings and it's nothing that I can talk to him about. He wouldn't understand. The hardest drug he's ever done is marijuana or alcohol lol. I can't help it. I just want to shoot some coke and heroin and do that speedball and feel that rush. Fuckkkk. It's so bad right now. I smoke and I try to distract myself but it's not doing much. I think I may go buy some when I start working. I don't know. I think I can hide it well enough.
 
I'm-Still-Alive said:
So, it's been a hot minute since I've used. I don't currently have a job right now so I have no money to buy any coke, but goddamn dude, the cravings to get some and shoot it are unreal. I am DYING. I just want a nice fat shot to have that bell-ringer. I don't have the privacy to use anymore though since I moved in with my boyfriend and he is constantly home. I can't go out and use with friends. I literally am just struggling with these cravings and it's nothing that I can talk to him about. He wouldn't understand. The hardest drug he's ever done is marijuana or alcohol lol. I can't help it. I just want to shoot some coke and heroin and do that speedball and feel that rush. Fuckkkk. It's so bad right now. I smoke and I try to distract myself but it's not doing much. I think I may go buy some when I start working. I don't know. I think I can hide it well enough.
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I know that feeling all too well. There were times my cravings for a ringer were so intense that I would eventually end up crying.

It’s been over a couple years since I’ve touched it, but every now and then, a craving will hit like a kick to the gut. But, the intensity fades, and it does get better over time. (Sorry, I HATED when someone said things like that to me haha).

Not sure if you’re trying to be done with it or not, but I totally understand where you’re coming from!
 
No, tell if she wants to really quit, that people including me, will do what we can to give her support here at Bluelight. It says she hasn't posted in over 9 years, huh? 9 years; is 9 years a Green lighter record?
 
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I'm-Still-Alive said:
So, it's been a hot minute since I've used. I don't currently have a job right now so I have no money to buy any coke, but goddamn dude, the cravings to get some and shoot it are unreal. I am DYING. I just want a nice fat shot to have that bell-ringer. I don't have the privacy to use anymore though since I moved in with my boyfriend and he is constantly home. I can't go out and use with friends. I literally am just struggling with these cravings and it's nothing that I can talk to him about. He wouldn't understand. The hardest drug he's ever done is marijuana or alcohol lol. I can't help it. I just want to shoot some coke and heroin and do that speedball and feel that rush. Fuckkkk. It's so bad right now. I smoke and I try to distract myself but it's not doing much. I think I may go buy some when I start working. I don't know. I think I can hide it well enough.
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Feel you 1000%. The Bellringers. I have been addicted to every “mainstream” hard drug there is, and the cravings for cocaine trump all the others by far. I wonder if it’s the same for the insufflators. And I’d imagine it may be even worse for you as I was a smoker and by all accounts the needle is the top of the euphoria totem pole.
FWIW: after a crack addiction that nearly lost me everything back in 2019 followed by rehab and 3 years clean, I relapsed last year and got to the point where I was going through a couple balls a week (this is nothing compared to the first time around but still catastrophic to my life). I couldn’t get out. I couldn’t go to rehab again either. The only person who knew was my source and I couldn’t tell a soul. Grasping for straws I decided to try and use DMT as a tool to somehow “exorcise the demons” (Jim Carrey voice). I learned to make it from the root bark powder because I couldn’t find any through my connects. I started very small (10mg - 15mg hits in an oil burner, one hit every few nights) over about 2 months got my courage up to do the “breakthrough” dose. The entire day leading up to it i journaled and sat outside focusing my thoughts on what I wanted to gain from the experience - my intentions. The experience itself was one of the most frightening things I’ve ever been through. There were literal demons, and they were definitely exorcised. At one point I was speaking in tungs but it wasn’t actually my voice. 10 days later, I quit, and it has been 7 months and 12 days since I touched it, without a single craving or desire. Occasionally I’ll think about it, just conceptually, and assess whether or not I’m feeling any kind of draw there, and I’m not. Which is crazy to me. The DMT didn’t just magically do it - but it definitely led to an idea that i had as a way to quit that had never occurred to me before and gave me the courage to do it. I only had one source, this is something I always do with hard drugs, no more than one source (I have sources for other things like psychedelics who also sell the hard things and I’ve made it very clear to them never to mention it to me and never to sell it or give it to me under any cicrcumstances). So what I did was, it’s actually really simple and somewhat obvious - I texted my source “hey can I call you? Just need to run something by you real quick.” She was a friend so it was a bit awkward but I also knew that this would work because she was a friend. On the phone “hey. I just need to let you know that I have been destroying my life with cocaine and I will not be getting it any more. If I continue I’m going to lose everything. In the unlikely event you get a call or text from me someday when I’m drunk asking for it, please do not oblige.” It was actually a very pleasant phone call. She said “man you’re right about that, this stuff doesn’t do anything good for anybody, I’m just tryna get out the hood and feed my daughter. Absolutely no worries on my end and good for you for doing this.” I know I wouldn’t have had the idea or the balls to make that call without that extremely frightening / cathartic DMT trip though. But, I also know that I was desperate to quit. I wanted to quit so bad. I just didn’t have whatever it was I needed and the DMT trip provided me with it
 
Jnowhere said:
I have to admit that was the most unique: Story I 've ever read about stopping cocaine use
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Hahah, ohhh it gets more unique than that but I didn’t want to get into the deep details of the dmt experience, was just trying to offer some experience on the only 1 thing that ever worked for me quitting cocaine in my 20yr “career” using it. (Then again, I shouldn’t be too confident, relapse often happens when we least expect it, gotsta be vigilant). As far as OP is concerned, the most important part of my little anecdote and I believe you guys already said this too, is: you gotta be really ready…. Doesn’t mean you don’t have cravings anymore, just means you know you have to stop or you’re gonna fuck everything up, and you value what you have enough to go through something very unpleasant to avoid losing it. OP apparently hasn’t used in a long time so I’d amend that to: you know once you do it that first time after so long, it’s exponentially easier to do it again a week or two later, then that becomes 5 days, etc, then yeah, you’re back in that place where you’re about to fuck everything up.
 
Jnowhere said:
No, tell if she wants to really quit, that people including me, will do what we can to give her support here at Bluelight. It says she hasn't posted in over 9 years, huh? 9 years; is 9 years a Green lighter record?
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Yeah, I’d lost my login… I still would come and read. Just couldn’t post. I do/don’t want to stop lol. I go back and forth. It’s hard. It’s mainly the cravings that make me want to pick up. I haven’t touched it in 10+ months.
 
I'm-Still-Alive said:
Yeah, I’d lost my login… I still would come and read. Just couldn’t post. I do/don’t want to stop lol. I go back and forth. It’s hard. It’s mainly the cravings that make me want to pick up. I haven’t touched it in 10+ months.
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Just keep reminding yourself of all the bad times when you have used. It is great to hear that you haven't used in 10+ months. Real heroin is almost non existent and fentanyl or traq dope is what you will get. That is very dangerous even when the heroin was real. A guy on here almost lost his son to fentanyl laced coke. I sincerely hope that if you get a job, that you will not use the money on dope. If you do, you better make sure that someone is around and has 3 or more bottles of Narcan. I used 1 bottle on an oxycodone overdose.
Fentanyl requires 3 or more bottles. I read about, heard about it, and saw it on a documentary. Please fight the cravings. Last year118,000+ died in America of illegal fentanyl, how many were saved from death? Hard to know but lots of death and misery. Try to fight those cravings. You mentioned speedballing. It was bad enough when the heroin was real now it so much more dangerous. Please don't become a statistic.
 
Jnowhere said:
Just keep reminding yourself of all the bad times when you have used. It is great to hear that you haven't used in 10+ months. Real heroin is almost non existent and fentanyl or traq dope is what you will get. That is very dangerous even when the heroin was real. A guy on here almost lost his son to fentanyl laced coke. I sincerely hope that if you get a job, that you will not use the money on dope. If you do, you better make sure that someone is around and has 3 or more bottles of Narcan. I used 1 bottle on an oxycodone overdose.
Fentanyl requires 3 or more bottles. I read about, heard about it, and saw it on a documentary. Please fight the cravings. Last year118,000+ died in America of illegal fentanyl, how many were saved from death? Hard to know but lots of death and misery. Try to fight those cravings. You mentioned speedballing. It was bad enough when the heroin was real now it so much more dangerous. Please don't become a statistic.
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I unfortunately overdosed on Fentanyl back in 2022… I haven’t touched anything remotely close to an opioid since that overdose. I’ve only done coke. But I always test for Fent/Xylazine. I used to speedball. The cravings yesterday were really bad. Not anything like that today. Just have to take it day by day.
 
I'm-Still-Alive said:
I unfortunately overdosed on Fentanyl back in 2022… I haven’t touched anything remotely close to an opioid since that overdose. I’ve only done coke. But I always test for Fent/Xylazine. I used to speedball. The cravings yesterday were really bad. Not anything like that today. Just have to take it day by day.
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Well it is good read that your cravings passed. It is better, that if you are gonna use that you test it. But still you have almost a year away from it. Keep fighting those cravings.
 
I'm-Still-Alive said:
So, it's been a hot minute since I've used. I don't currently have a job right now so I have no money to buy any coke, but goddamn dude, the cravings to get some and shoot it are unreal. I am DYING. I just want a nice fat shot to have that bell-ringer. I don't have the privacy to use anymore though since I moved in with my boyfriend and he is constantly home. I can't go out and use with friends. I literally am just struggling with these cravings and it's nothing that I can talk to him about. He wouldn't understand. The hardest drug he's ever done is marijuana or alcohol lol. I can't help it. I just want to shoot some coke and heroin and do that speedball and feel that rush. Fuckkkk. It's so bad right now. I smoke and I try to distract myself but it's not doing much. I think I may go buy some when I start working. I don't know. I think I can hide it well enough.
Click to expand...


I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. I have no experience with hard drugs but when I temporarily stop consuming sugar/junk food, the cravings for those things are unbearable. The fact that you’ve got this far, Facing cravings much larger than I could ever imagine is something you should be proud of and never give up.
I would never normally recommend this, but given your situation, short-term use of something like naltrexone could help cut down your cravings.
Let me know if you want any more suggestions or you have any specific questions and I’ll try my best to answer.
 
Neuroprotection said:
I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. I have no experience with hard drugs but when I temporarily stop consuming sugar/junk food, the cravings for those things are unbearable. The fact that you’ve got this far, Facing cravings much larger than I could ever imagine is something you should be proud of and never give up.
I would never normally recommend this, but given your situation, short-term use of something like naltrexone could help cut down your cravings.
Let me know if you want any more suggestions or you have any specific questions and I’ll try my best to answer.
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So, it's not in my profile anywhere, but I was a detox counselor and I have my Credentialed Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselor (CASAC) Certification. I recently learned about Naltrexone being a possibility for Cocaine cravings, but there are other ones too. Bupropion, Topirimate, a few of them. Honestly, I don't crave opioids as much as I crave cocaine anymore. It's weird. When I was a teen, and all I had done was opioids and benzodiazepines, opioids was all I thought about, non-stop, 24/7/365. But since I overdosed in 2022, I'm so freaking terrified to touch an opioid unless it's prescribed that it basically cured that craving/drive to use any opioid. I had gallbladder surgery in January and had some fun drugs given to me then, but no cravings since for that really. Just the cocaine. Which is sooo weird. I haven't touched it in so long and I just want to use so badly. But I also don't want to go to doctor's about this, I'm sick of going to the doctors for things. Everything in my life is all fucked up right now and I just need things to even out. My depression is fucked, my anxiety is fucked. I hate everything in my body. I may have thyroid cancer I just found out. I go for an endometrial biopsy today because I've had a forever period that hasn't stopped, even with hormonal birth control. I'm sick of being poked and prodded. I don't want to take more medications. I don't want to be judged by doctors for expressing these thoughts too. I'm so over it. I don't know. Just trying to get through it on my own.
 
I'm-Still-Alive said:
So, it's not in my profile anywhere, but I was a detox counselor and I have my Credentialed Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselor (CASAC) Certification. I recently learned about Naltrexone being a possibility for Cocaine cravings, but there are other ones too. Bupropion, Topirimate, a few of them. Honestly, I don't crave opioids as much as I crave cocaine anymore. It's weird. When I was a teen, and all I had done was opioids and benzodiazepines, opioids was all I thought about, non-stop, 24/7/365. But since I overdosed in 2022, I'm so freaking terrified to touch an opioid unless it's prescribed that it basically cured that craving/drive to use any opioid. I had gallbladder surgery in January and had some fun drugs given to me then, but no cravings since for that really. Just the cocaine. Which is sooo weird. I haven't touched it in so long and I just want to use so badly. But I also don't want to go to doctor's about this, I'm sick of going to the doctors for things. Everything in my life is all fucked up right now and I just need things to even out. My depression is fucked, my anxiety is fucked. I hate everything in my body. I may have thyroid cancer I just found out. I go for an endometrial biopsy today because I've had a forever period that hasn't stopped, even with hormonal birth control. I'm sick of being poked and prodded. I don't want to take more medications. I don't want to be judged by doctors for expressing these thoughts too. I'm so over it. I don't know. Just trying to get through it on my own.
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Thanks for sharing that. I guess with your qualifications, you know much more than me, I actually wanted to let you know in my previous post that I’m no doctor or scientist but I just have an obsession with learning about neuroscience and drugs.
Also, please forgive me for grammatical or structural errors in my post, I am blind and using a screen reader and dictation software on my phone to type.
I’m really glad you mentioned the alternatives to naltrexone. to be honest, I feel that anything which blocks reward/cravings in the long-term is a heartless and hideous strategy that is bound to fail.
Topiromate is apparently really promising for cravings because it can deal with negative/depressive symptoms without getting in the way of reward function. However, it does have quite a lot of side-effects so you need to be very careful with it. strangely, in contrast to other antiaddictive medications, it can sometimes make drugs like nicotine or methamphetamine significantly more euphoric when taken at the same time.
Bupropion is quite good and there’s a possibility it will get rid of your cravings by correct any dopamine deficiency whilst simultaneously helping with your depression. you just need to make sure you never fall into abusing it. it’s not like you’ll want to do that after taking it orally, it’s just that some preposterous or uneducated individuals recommend snorting it to get a stimulant high. that doesn’t actually work in most cases and the effects are generally terrible if not life-threatening. any positive effects would be extremely short lived if they even occurred.
 
Neuroprotection said:
Thanks for sharing that. I guess with your qualifications, you know much more than me, I actually wanted to let you know in my previous post that I’m no doctor or scientist but I just have an obsession with learning about neuroscience and drugs.
Also, please forgive me for grammatical or structural errors in my post, I am blind and using a screen reader and dictation software on my phone to type.
I’m really glad you mentioned the alternatives to naltrexone. to be honest, I feel that anything which blocks reward/cravings in the long-term is a heartless and hideous strategy that is bound to fail.
Topiromate is apparently really promising for cravings because it can deal with negative/depressive symptoms without getting in the way of reward function. However, it does have quite a lot of side-effects so you need to be very careful with it. strangely, in contrast to other antiaddictive medications, it can sometimes make drugs like nicotine or methamphetamine significantly more euphoric when taken at the same time.
Bupropion is quite good and there’s a possibility it will get rid of your cravings by correct any dopamine deficiency whilst simultaneously helping with your depression. you just need to make sure you never fall into abusing it. it’s not like you’ll want to do that after taking it orally, it’s just that some preposterous or uneducated individuals recommend snorting it to get a stimulant high. that doesn’t actually work in most cases and the effects are generally terrible if not life-threatening. any positive effects would be extremely short lived if they even occurred.
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No, no I appreciate you're insight! Funnily enough, I'm already on Topirimate for seizures, so I could possibly have them increase the dosage. Cocaine cravings are noticeably lessened at higher dosages, somewhere around 300-400mg/day, I'm at 200mg/day. I've been on Topirimate for years now. With everything going on, it's likely got to increase anyways, as I've been having breakthrough seizures. My seizures are caused by stress. And yes, I know that cocaine lowers the seizure threshold. Especially when IV'd. But when you're craving it... Well, you don't really care, do ya lol? But I also have been so very careful everytime, and I've never had a seizure from use. (Doesn't make me immune, I know). Just with my knowledge, I am a bit safer I feel than the typical IDU... But that can backfire too! Never a good thing to let your ego get too big!
 
I'm-Still-Alive said:
No, no I appreciate you're insight! Funnily enough, I'm already on Topirimate for seizures, so I could possibly have them increase the dosage. Cocaine cravings are noticeably lessened at higher dosages, somewhere around 300-400mg/day, I'm at 200mg/day. I've been on Topirimate for years now. With everything going on, it's likely got to increase anyways, as I've been having breakthrough seizures. My seizures are caused by stress. And yes, I know that cocaine lowers the seizure threshold. Especially when IV'd. But when you're craving it... Well, you don't really care, do ya lol? But I also have been so very careful everytime, and I've never had a seizure from use. (Doesn't make me immune, I know). Just with my knowledge, I am a bit safer I feel than the typical IDU... But that can backfire too! Never a good thing to let your ego get too big!
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I have another suggestion for you. The MAOI and antidepressants/anti-Parkinson’s drug selegiline can selectively prevent dopamine breakdown in the brain at low doses which can diminish the cravings for cocaine. reward blockers such as naltrexone, antipsychotics or lithium, more literally kill cravings by suppressing the brains response to dopamine and thus blocking the experience of desire itself. in contrast, Pro-reward drugs such as bupropion or selegiline satisfy cravings by bringing brain dopamine levels back up to normal and giving one the energy/desire to engage in normal activities.
 
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