The Countdown Begins...

I have 100g of kratom left. Stem & vein powder to be exact. The stuff I get needs filtering, and have collected about 75g of larger bits and scraps that are not drinkable over the last few months, so made a tea out of about half of this last night.

It was obviously weaker than the usual stuff, as my last dose of kratom proper was about 5pm yesterday, and just the tea in between, and this morning I was feeling in withdrawal quite early on - a pervasive anxiety, sense of dread, and emotional troughs that almost had me in tears together with the beginnings of that awful akathisiac restlessness.

Dosed with roughly 8g of stem and vein powder and it's gone away.

How shit it is to be such a slave, when freedom is one of the things I value most.

This morning gave me a picture of what it is going to be like on Friday, and by then I will have used my kratom up. There will be no turning back. At least I won't have too much to do. I will post relentlessly or read on here to eat away the hours, I will try to eat, I will use what other tools I have in my armoury. I find benefits in meditation but in withdrawal I can't sit still for shit so that will have to come later.

I got a phone call this morning, a friend wanted some advice. Shit, I got through it, but it was tough to concentrate. I will have to have a phone off policy for a while, though texts may help, helps to hear from people I care about.

I'm getting scared because a number of things are all coming to a head. I know I have to do this but even so that crappy voice in my head is trying to convince me now is not the best time, I am going to relapse so why bother going through all this shit? It's a total liar that voice, but yet has been right so many times it's so tempting to listen to it...

So yeah, I'm committed to this. But that sense of "no turning back" is proving really scary at the minute

 

Strength to you psych! You've got the motivation, the know-how, and everything else you need to kill this. You'll pull through, and will be all the stronger (and wiser) from having experienced such pain.

Just think of it as the Spice Agony.

Seriously though, best of luck!

 

The mind is the biggest battle. You certainly have resolved to do it so that's the biggest hurdle and you have made it past it.

 

Thanks Dave - yeah, Spice Agony kind of fits.

Thanks rachamim.

 

I have used the last of the kratom. Here we go

 

Good luck! You can do this.

 

I take kratom every few weeks.... I understand the point that you don't know for sure what the product is. That said, what I get is marketed as an extract -- "Mitragyna speciosa -- green vein extract," and the effects are consistent, so despite the lack of quality controls, i'm probably getting the same thing, and the buzz is pretty nice and reminds me of an opiate.

OK, so my point is that for such rare use of the stuff, the hangover (not unlike a mild opiate hangover) only lasts about 1 day. Your use is a lot higher so maybe it will be more intense? Anyway, grit your teeth and get through this one day. Do what I do and sit around and do some reading or something. You will be fine.