I've been off heroin over seven years. It will be eight years in March. All through the nineties I was strung out and in and out of jail. In 2002 I got a two year bid ( the longest so far ) and when I got out in '04 instead of getting high I got help. I was physically clean for two years and I went to a six month halfway house. I graduated, got a job, went out on my own , got a roommate, started court proceedings to get my son back, worked my ass off, fell in love, left my job to move in with my man, got other work, got my son, got better work, bought a home.
I had obstacles, I have a bad CORI and now am self employed. I'm doing ok but I'd like to be a little more secure. I'd like to work for someone else , but for now I still have that record holding my back from most jobs in my field.
I am not in recovery, I smoke and drink and use other drugs. Nothing gets the best of me the way heroin did, no other drug can take away my priorities like heroin did. I don't fuck up my money now at all, if I can't afford drugs I don't do them. As long as I stay off dope I'm confident it will stay that way.
Ever since I was little I dreamed of having my own gardens. Vegetables and flowers. A babysitter I had before kindergarten had lovely gardens and my mother did not. Before I bought this house I grew things in pots in my apartments and continued to persue my dream of gardens of my own through hard work and abstinence from heroin. This year was my first in my new home that I am paying the mortgage on. My mortgage, MINE. My gardens were awesome for the first year and it's an unending project, my home and yard.
I know it's cliche but if this dope fiend can get off the junk then anyone can. I am free to do as I please, I am not afraid of the cops, I am not dopesick or nodding. I fit in nowhere, I don't want to be a junkie and I can not relate to anyone else. At work I feel like an imposter but that's just king kong who still lives in a cage on my back talking shit.
Perhaps if I keep starving him he will die. That bastard is still living though and he aint been fed in years, I know I have not won the whole war here but goddamn it I am not feeding the fucking monkey for anything, not for anything.