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THE CLEAN THREAD! Recovering Addicts Chill Room-come on in

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Thats all you can do is give it time , I was almost at 30 days recently and I was feeling much better but I slipped up for a day. I havent let it get me off track though , I haven't used since. Shooting dope feels real nice but what comes with it just aint worth it. Think about how shitty you feel when you run out , those fleeting moments of bliss arent worth it to me anymore. I've always liked this quote from the movie trainspotting " Choose Life "
 
i slipped up today. i really thought i could start on the road to freedom, but it just wasnt the day. i cant lie and say im not enjoying it. but emotionally, i dont feel as happy and care free as i should because i know i shouldnt have done this and it was not a smart decision for my life right now and i still know i need to stop. im at the point where im ready to stop and know i need to..i just have to physically do it. i really think i should get some subs, because without them i dont know if i can make it through with all the shit thats running through my head. when you pop a sub its just like..alright thats it..think about something else now cause you aint gettin high. i have one and a half, but thats really not enough. i hope i can come back here soon and tell you all about my success.

When i started i was on dope for a year, then i got clean for about nine months. since then i have been using on and off, going on binges for like a month at a time, and that was working out well for me. i feel like i used to be stronger and able to stop. when i actually wanted to get clean, i was able to, after taking subs for like two or three days. but now ive been on this shit for like four months or so, since i got out of school in like may, and im really in the hole. this is gonna be real tough. any advice is appreciated. its always better to hear it from other people that do dope cause they know what its like
 
shit man, I'm still struggling with it. Its the boredom and loneliness that keeps fucking with me to the point where I can't do anything but go cop and fix. If it wasn't for my suboxone I would have already gone back to daily using and probably would be really strung the fuck out right now. Shit, I don't see why I shouldn't just go back to using daily and being strung out seeing life sucks just as much now as it did when I was a half way homeless junkie.
 
exit56 said:
damn..i can believe its been seven years for you and you still feel that was about dope. i know when i was clean for almost a year i always knew that dope was still my true love, but after seven years? i just wish that when i do finally get off this shit i can forget about it. not forget it completely, just be able to take my mind off of it. ive been using on and off for like four years and whenever im off the shit i know im gonna do it again, and ill never deny that its the best shit ever. i hate that though, i hate that you get off of dope and you cant seem to enjoy anything quite as much cause you know nothing is as good as getting fucked up.

ive been using every day for maybe three-four months now. last year i did really well, i used at home, but when i got back to school i got clean. now ive been at school a few weeks and cant get clean. today might be the day though. i havent gotten anything, dont have my car, none of my friends have hit me up for it, none of my friends are really around to do it with. its just a good time for me, i just got a job this morning. i really need to get clean and i want today to be the day. even if its not, its gotta be soon, and i know it will be. ive been trying to prepare myself cause i cant keep living like this.

i got screwed with my roommate situation. i have a random roommate, instead of one of my best friends, who would not stand for me being on dope every day. this new room mate i can just live around, i dont worry about him. im scared of the boredom and that loneliness most of all. you feel like nothing you do is any fun, you cant enjoy yourself, its just so fucking boring not being on dope.

what does everyone do about that? i cant keep myself busy..i just sit around all day and think about how much id love to drive to newark. i get soo..fucking...bored..without dope. i dont know how to get past that. i guess thats what cravings are. but how do you guys get your mind off the shit?
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Yah it doesn't exactly go away.It gets different though, after some time instead of feeling like hey I wanna cop and shoot dope , it changes into the negative things that made you shoot dope in the first place, like a feeling of wow I am so different from all these normal people , I can't relate, I'll never get ahead, I'm just a fiend that doesn't shoot dope. Not cravings, but little negative thoughts that try to lead you to a craving.
I do believe some of the twelve step philosophy, like the mental disease of addiction and that once an addict always an addict.
I know I said I don't and won't feed the monkey, but on second thought he is probably living on my pot smoking and drinking and use of pills. He can't thrive on those things though, he needs dope and he aint getting it.

He still exists and might forever but if he isn't thriving then I am thriving, only one of us can thrive and it's gonna be me from here on in.
 
Good thread. I'm a "people person", meaning talking through my problems with others and getting all the moral support I can helps me...but I hated going to NA meetings and trying to open up in front of nasty tweakers and poly-drug addicts with soup for brains...
so yeah, I'm Eagle, and I'm an addict! A clean addict, but an addict with urges!
 
Northside said:
Yah it doesn't exactly go away.It gets different though, after some time instead of feeling like hey I wanna cop and shoot dope , it changes into the negative things that made you shoot dope in the first place, like a feeling of wow I am so different from all these normal people , I can't relate, I'll never get ahead, I'm just a fiend that doesn't shoot dope. Not cravings, but little negative thoughts that try to lead you to a craving.
I do believe some of the twelve step philosophy, like the mental disease of addiction and that once an addict always an addict.
I know I said I don't and won't feed the monkey, but on second thought he is probably living on my pot smoking and drinking and use of pills. He can't thrive on those things though, he needs dope and he aint getting it.

He still exists and might forever but if he isn't thriving then I am thriving, only one of us can thrive and it's gonna be me from here on in.
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thats really how i think of my addiction. i know its still there even when im not using. once an addict always an addict. i feel that way all the time, like im still a fiend, just not using, like i dont fit in. i have friends and all but like, i just know i know all about dope and they dont. i think this monkey is gonna be pissed when i dont feed him, and i know i wont be able to quit forever. but i need to start getting ahead and making more out of my life. i have a lot of opportunities lately and i dont want to fuck them up because of dope. i figure i could always usually casually or off and on, but this hole im in is too deep.
 
lacey k said:
Thats great to hear Charlie! You are such a happy loving and kind person that i am glad to see ur tryna do good for yourself. I feel like im a miserable asshole and it makes sense for me to do dope but u always so full of light when ur on here that it made me feel bad to see u using that shit, like somehow u shouldnt need it becuz u the type of dude that sees life in a better way than alot of us, I sound like a idiot right now becuz i cant explain it. But IDK, a happy hippie such as ur self, i just dont imagine doing dope even tho theres that whole scene of dopeheads in that culture.
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being in NJ where it is so prevalent doesnt help.:(
 
i had to move out of my hometown to eventually stop for a good 6 months and just used occasionally. maybe consider a move?
 
Well,

I'v been on oxy 2 years, and on and off suboxone and oxy for another year. I'm coming up on 4 months of being only on suboxone and have tapered down to .2=.5 every other day. Today was my last day dosing tomorrow I have work but the withdraws won't start until tomorrow night. I'v got a bunch of klonopin to get me through this week, but I really don't know what to expect right now.

I'm pretty fucking worried and of course as fate would have it one of my old friends (who I got back into oxy) called me today asking for help wanting to get on sub and quit oxy. Of course the first thing that came to mind was that I should ask him to get a 80 for tomorrow night and then proceed with my plan of getting off the sub/opiates all together. Bad idea though, I think just the thought of knowing that I technically relapsed might be enough to fuck the plan altogether. Luckily he didn't answer back when I asked him about some oxy.

I just can't get over the idea that I'm supposed to never do it again. I know I'll do it again and the sad part is the main thing thats motivating me to get off sub is so that I'll have the freedom to do it again if I want to. It's been almost four months but it seriously feels like fucking yesterday. It's frustrating not knowing if it will ever be completely better, I know that there will never be anything that makes me feel the way it did. At this point I just want to beat physical dependency, if I can do that then I consider it a win.

sorry for the rant
 
its tough man, its really hard to get through, even the mental shit is hard enough besides the physical WDs. I feel like ill use again some day, but i need to get off being dependent and get clean for a few months. i got in the hole, a place i never wanted to be back in, so im ready to get clean. ive used on and off without getting like this, so i feel like i can do it again but who knows.

Todays my first day clean, im gonna try and use subs for just like three days and be off for good..well see..
 
Good luck bro, just stick with it man. That's really all I keep telling myself right now. This is pretty much my first attempt to quit sub, but I really feel like it's gotta happen eventually so why not now? Try to get some benzo's if you can, I swear it's made the whole process a hell of a lot easier.

I just wish this fucking headache would go away.
 
exit56 said:
its tough man, its really hard to get through, even the mental shit is hard enough besides the physical WDs. I feel like ill use again some day, but i need to get off being dependent and get clean for a few months. i got in the hole, a place i never wanted to be back in, so im ready to get clean. ive used on and off without getting like this, so i feel like i can do it again but who knows.

Todays my first day clean, im gonna try and use subs for just like three days and be off for good..well see..
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Youre gonna have to make a taper plan if your using subs mang
 
Sweet. I like this thread. I still come to BL because I still like to read about drugs, I just can't do them anymore so it's cool to come to the same place to talk about NOT doing drugs.

A couple weeks ago was my 1 year anniversary of being off drugs, but I still drink 6-8 beers over the weekend usually, and still smoke cigs. But who doesn't? :)

Went to rehab a few years ago and also attended NA meetings as well. Rehab kept me clean while I was there, but I celebrated getting out by picking up. I really liked NA, but I couldn't be fucked to go to a meeting when I could be doing something (anything) else. I did well at first and used somewhat in moderation, but it got out of hand again.

Got tired of life, was tired of working shit jobs that I didn't think someone my age (now 22) should have, tired of not going anywhere in life, and was sick of it all finally. So here I am now in the Army. Next month I'll have been in the Army for one year as well. It ain't as fun as drugs not by a long shot, but it's got me out and doing things and it's better to say I'm doing this than stocking shelves. It keeps me off the drugs and as a bonus in good shape. And it's something new and different to get pissed off at and complain about.

Still think about meth every single day, but there's no chance of me using as long as I'm here.
 
hey lace still on the subs..

doin the zans still wit them n now im fucking out.. lol..

wd's from the zans r gettin fuckin worse my head fuckin kills me
 
I've decided to give it an honest go... everything except alcohol. We shall see.
 
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