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THE CLEAN THREAD! Recovering Addicts Chill Room-come on in

I am a recovering IV heroin addict. Been doing extremely well the past three months considering how I used to be on some bundle a day shit. I'm not clean yet I still go and boot up a couple of bags every now and then I just hope I don't fall back into the hole. I just got out of a terrible, deceitful relationship and there is a lot of temptation to just wash my feelings away with that brown skin girl who never lets me down haha. I miss the feeling of nothingness that dope gives me. I've got a lot of xanax so i'm trying to keep my cravings at bay with that.. haha another day another struggle.
 
I'm Brian, a recovering IV dope addict.

Been clean since February 12th and its been pretty fuckin difficult to achieve that. My life has DRASTICALLY improved since then...but that addict inside of me is bored out of his mind.

I got a new phone and lost all my contacts back in February which has probably saved me. Also if you slip up and call a dealer (had the # memorized) and they won't stop calling, I suggest those of you who use verizon to give em a call and make use of their call/text blocking feature. Its free up to 5#s and they will stay blocked for 3 months.

Lacey, I read about all the dope you post about in ptown regularly and torture myself with the thoughts of having a good nod in front of the computer when I hear about all this fire...

I'm in the burgh and wouldn't mind swinging through jersey one day.
 
Me likee this thread.

Um so Ive only IVed meth once this year, which Im really super proud of. And I havent smoked pot in a few months, despite having a stash in my spare room. And the other night with friends, I only had a few lines of coke and not a whole gram haha.

There are times when I wanna ring up my bud and get him to come around with stuff and we can have a great ol' time but Ive been really into exercise recently and I have to say, it's been the thing to keep my clean. My goal is to stay drug free till the end of the year. I was doing good till the other night haha but it was a friend's birthday. And I think I can hit that goal, too. :D
 
lacey, i'm not trying to push anything on your or anything but maybe its time you gave aa a shot and commit, i know it worked for me and its been almost 2 years clean now (don't go to many meetings anymore but it really helped for the first while).

I don't really come around here anymore as it doesn't interest me much anymore other than the music boards but around 2 years ago when i was posting alot I remember seeing you make threads like this, sorry things haven't gotten better for you but it's probably time to try something else. I know it's cliche but this quote sums up things pretty well for addicts - "Insanity- doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"
 
damn lacey. must be tough. i was lucky enough to never get arrested during my few crazy years of using. close calls, but never happened. now i'm trying to stay clean on my own and i'm finding suboxone very difficult in curbing the cravings. i'm sure the done you're on is much better for the craving aspect. do you plan on being on the done till you use again? do you have any hobbies to keep you busy?

chills were sent up my spine reading your description of what heroin is like for you..."it aint a habit or something i do its a part of me, its braided into the fibers of my soul u feel me...its the answer to everything, the entire pattern of my life"
 
I've been mostly clean for a over a year, but I still use occasionally, last use was 3-4 weeks ago. In my active addiction I never even tried injecting, but now I see not injecting as a waste. Those that know the difference will know why I choose to, don't want to explain it in case someone is thinking about switching from nasal to parenteral. It's not a good idea actually cuz once u do it it will be almost impossible not to do it. My SO never injected and when he finds my needles he breaks them so they are kept very hidden. In the past I had to do it right away, now if I don't have a needle I'll wait until I get one. My patience surprises me.

My mom gave me some $$ last weekend. The first thought was to drive out to the ghetto and get some but I resisted. I also used to be scared of the ghetto before but now have no problem going there alone. I don't feel in danger cuz they know good service means repeat costumer. I've never been ripped off or threatened there and I'm a small, white girl and have been there many times already. I'm shocked at how easy it is to get dope in a big city. I dunno if this kind of talk is allowed as it is basically advertising the ghetto dope scene. I wanna say this stuff here but then I'm scared someone might read it and decide to go out and buy there and something bad happens to them.

Some boundaries have been broken for me but I guess it's just what happens with this stuff. I will forever love this stuff even thou it did damage to me it feels too good to resist sometimes. When I go score now I get a knot in my stomach and get all sweaty&anxious just thinking about using. It's like no other drug. I either use dope or I stay sober. All other drugs lost their appeal to me completely.
 
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Z Y G G Y said:
I've never been ripped off or threatened there and I'm a small, white girl and have been there many times already. I'm shocked at how easy it is to get dope in a big city.

Some boundaries have been broken for me but I guess it's just what happens with this stuff.
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You will get ripped off eventually, and possibly hurt. Another thing.... after re-reading this 2nd statement, do you still want to use?
 
I quit methadone a while back after 6 months of daily use. No benzos or aything, just quit. It was the worst fuckin time of my life but I got through it. Thank god for my girl basically being my servant for like two weeks. I was able to go out and do shit on my own after that, even though it took another 3-4 weeks for withdrawals to stop. I'ma tell y'all though, if I can do it, anyone can. Believe that.
 
cat my gurl be strong call my gurl's cell i kno u got it..

please i didnt kno all this shit u have gotten into since my leave of bl

be strong my gurl.. u kno i got love fer u n i want u to kno that me n my gurl r waitin fer ur call

as far as i go i am suboxone tryin to get off the xanax is hard very hard.. i just wish i wasnt on this shit to start wit
 
i too came off of heroin and benzos at the same time. it is very hard. and i still continue to use benzos very occasionally and mostly for medical reasons as opposed to recreation.

i probably have the most anxiety i have ever had lately, right now. just sitting here after many attempts to get dope this past week. so far i am still clean, but this anxiety is killing me. anybody familiar with Buspar as an anti-anxiety medicine? i have only taken 10mg and it hasn't done jack shit.
 
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Buspar didn't do shit for me. It actually made my anxiety worse. Its one of those medications where you have to take it for a few weeks before you feel any effects. For me it just made my anxiety worse so I threw my prescription away.
 
damn. i dunno if i'll continue to take it then. what kind of dosages were youguys taking? or is that against the rules...
 
hmmm. so i just did another shot and i never felt it miss, yet it did! already applied warm compress, what else can i do? it fucking hurts...this shit is wack. made my hands all bubbly!
 
good idea for a thread lacey... I stopped going to meetings after about three months because I just didn't have it in me anymore... stayed completely clean for another 3 months before a relapse... now I just kind of am recovering. I have successfully avoided my real problem drugs of crack and meth... and have even stayed off of benzos pretty well...

I will never stop using psychedelics, though... not for a very very long time.

I just take shit in strides... I don't want to use the cliched one day at a time bit... because if I did one day at a time... I'd still be an active addict. I just do the damn thing... if something pops up.... I handle it then... the rest of the time... I just try not to think about it.

Hope you all are doing well out there!
 
Buspar has to build up in your system for at least 2 weeks before it will start to help. It is the only medicine that is specific for anxiety that is not an addicitive benzo. I used to take it early on in recovery and I was taking 20mg 4 times a day. I had to work up to that does obviously though over about 2 weeks. It helped mildly but what honestly helps the most is just having more sober time under your belt. I cant believe I'm saying this either but exercise and good sleep really do help too!
 
There aint no way to get around shit , its over with, and i aint tryna get locked up. i can either be clean out here, or clean in prison so its clear which choice Ima make. Its time to get my shit together but as a addict who been fully in it for years its hard as fuck. I dont know how to live without this shit, its my blood, my heartbeat, the constant piece of my life that never change. Its how i know how to live, it aint a habit or something i do its a part of me, its braided into the fibers of my soul u feel me...its the answer to everything, the entire pattern of my life, to change it is the most terryfying thing that i ever had to face....
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Amen!

Im going thru a pretty similar thing with the courts - possible custodial sentence, daily reporting for bail and all that fun but even still trying to not use is driving me crazy...like it feels as if it goes against everything thats natural to me like holding my breath or some shit). And i aint even talking about WD discomfort just straight up when somethings been your life for so long how the fuck do you handle without it
 
I've been off heroin over seven years. It will be eight years in March. All through the nineties I was strung out and in and out of jail. In 2002 I got a two year bid ( the longest so far ) and when I got out in '04 instead of getting high I got help. I was physically clean for two years and I went to a six month halfway house. I graduated, got a job, went out on my own , got a roommate, started court proceedings to get my son back, worked my ass off, fell in love, left my job to move in with my man, got other work, got my son, got better work, bought a home.
I had obstacles, I have a bad CORI and now am self employed. I'm doing ok but I'd like to be a little more secure. I'd like to work for someone else , but for now I still have that record holding my back from most jobs in my field.

I am not in recovery, I smoke and drink and use other drugs. Nothing gets the best of me the way heroin did, no other drug can take away my priorities like heroin did. I don't fuck up my money now at all, if I can't afford drugs I don't do them. As long as I stay off dope I'm confident it will stay that way.

Ever since I was little I dreamed of having my own gardens. Vegetables and flowers. A babysitter I had before kindergarten had lovely gardens and my mother did not. Before I bought this house I grew things in pots in my apartments and continued to persue my dream of gardens of my own through hard work and abstinence from heroin. This year was my first in my new home that I am paying the mortgage on. My mortgage, MINE. My gardens were awesome for the first year and it's an unending project, my home and yard.

I know it's cliche but if this dope fiend can get off the junk then anyone can. I am free to do as I please, I am not afraid of the cops, I am not dopesick or nodding. I fit in nowhere, I don't want to be a junkie and I can not relate to anyone else. At work I feel like an imposter but that's just king kong who still lives in a cage on my back talking shit.

Perhaps if I keep starving him he will die. That bastard is still living though and he aint been fed in years, I know I have not won the whole war here but goddamn it I am not feeding the fucking monkey for anything, not for anything.
 
damn..i can believe its been seven years for you and you still feel that was about dope. i know when i was clean for almost a year i always knew that dope was still my true love, but after seven years? i just wish that when i do finally get off this shit i can forget about it. not forget it completely, just be able to take my mind off of it. ive been using on and off for like four years and whenever im off the shit i know im gonna do it again, and ill never deny that its the best shit ever. i hate that though, i hate that you get off of dope and you cant seem to enjoy anything quite as much cause you know nothing is as good as getting fucked up.

ive been using every day for maybe three-four months now. last year i did really well, i used at home, but when i got back to school i got clean. now ive been at school a few weeks and cant get clean. today might be the day though. i havent gotten anything, dont have my car, none of my friends have hit me up for it, none of my friends are really around to do it with. its just a good time for me, i just got a job this morning. i really need to get clean and i want today to be the day. even if its not, its gotta be soon, and i know it will be. ive been trying to prepare myself cause i cant keep living like this.

i got screwed with my roommate situation. i have a random roommate, instead of one of my best friends, who would not stand for me being on dope every day. this new room mate i can just live around, i dont worry about him. im scared of the boredom and that loneliness most of all. you feel like nothing you do is any fun, you cant enjoy yourself, its just so fucking boring not being on dope.

what does everyone do about that? i cant keep myself busy..i just sit around all day and think about how much id love to drive to newark. i get soo..fucking...bored..without dope. i dont know how to get past that. i guess thats what cravings are. but how do you guys get your mind off the shit?
 
i havent shot dope in 5 days.
i used some suboxone to help with the withdrawls.

ive been in the habit of binging for a month and then taking a break

well i think this may have been my last binge.
i just cant put myself through the depression that opiate withdrawal leaves me with.

Right now there is nothing i want more then a spike in my vein but then again its exactly what got me feeling as i am now (miserable).

ill let time do its healing magic.
 
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