Hey all,
I'm sorry to bombard you all with another sob story but I would greatly appreciate any real, constructive advice to help me get my life back on track. I'm not asking for pity or sympathy.
A bit of background info - I come from a good, wealthy family. I can't remember much of my childhood but what I do recall is being a bit of a moody pain in the arse to my teachers, family and friends. My adolescence was a blur of foolish behaviour, recklessness, apathy and depression in no particular order. I got my shit together in my final year of high school, got good grades and got into law at university.
At 18 I got into hard drugs. Since then I’ve been binging on cocaine, ecstasy and amphetamines on a weekly basis. I’m now 22. I also drink heavily and on an almost-daily-basis and I smoke weed regularly. The last four years have defined me as a selfish, irritable, foolish and idiotic drug fiend. Now I’m in a position where I want out. Trouble is, I struggle quite a bit with anxiety, paranoia, poor memory, psychosis, mania and depression. I have seen doctors and psychologists who have told me to get clean in order for them to diagnose then help me.
I live in a relatively small city where everybody seems to know each other and I’ve become quite infamous amongst my peers and strangers for my behaviour and drug habits. People tell me I’m psychotic and delusional about the bridges I think I’ve burnt and the enemies I think I’ve made but I’ve seen and heard things that Illustrate that I’m right. (Things others have seen and heard too)
Right now I feel like I’ve got two ways out. One is to get clean and back on track. I’m having trouble facing a life knowing how badly I’ve fucked up. Sometimes I’m convinced of some pretty irrational ideas relating to my reality and I completely lose sight of quitting drugs (eg people reading my mind, knowing my secrets etc.) But that’s not all the time. Sometimes I understand that I’m responsible for my predicament.
If you’ve read this far, thank you so much. If anyone can give me some advice on the steps I need to take to get out of this mess you just might save me and I would greatly appreciate it.
Peace.
I'm sorry to bombard you all with another sob story but I would greatly appreciate any real, constructive advice to help me get my life back on track. I'm not asking for pity or sympathy.
A bit of background info - I come from a good, wealthy family. I can't remember much of my childhood but what I do recall is being a bit of a moody pain in the arse to my teachers, family and friends. My adolescence was a blur of foolish behaviour, recklessness, apathy and depression in no particular order. I got my shit together in my final year of high school, got good grades and got into law at university.
At 18 I got into hard drugs. Since then I’ve been binging on cocaine, ecstasy and amphetamines on a weekly basis. I’m now 22. I also drink heavily and on an almost-daily-basis and I smoke weed regularly. The last four years have defined me as a selfish, irritable, foolish and idiotic drug fiend. Now I’m in a position where I want out. Trouble is, I struggle quite a bit with anxiety, paranoia, poor memory, psychosis, mania and depression. I have seen doctors and psychologists who have told me to get clean in order for them to diagnose then help me.
I live in a relatively small city where everybody seems to know each other and I’ve become quite infamous amongst my peers and strangers for my behaviour and drug habits. People tell me I’m psychotic and delusional about the bridges I think I’ve burnt and the enemies I think I’ve made but I’ve seen and heard things that Illustrate that I’m right. (Things others have seen and heard too)
Right now I feel like I’ve got two ways out. One is to get clean and back on track. I’m having trouble facing a life knowing how badly I’ve fucked up. Sometimes I’m convinced of some pretty irrational ideas relating to my reality and I completely lose sight of quitting drugs (eg people reading my mind, knowing my secrets etc.) But that’s not all the time. Sometimes I understand that I’m responsible for my predicament.
If you’ve read this far, thank you so much. If anyone can give me some advice on the steps I need to take to get out of this mess you just might save me and I would greatly appreciate it.
Peace.